Question:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – (One of the things I had to do was to take a hard look at the characteristics in common of the men I was spending time around. I compared the characteristics of the men who weren’t treating me well and the characteristics of the good men, and I made a list of characteristics for me to avoid. That reduced the number of men with whom I associated who took advantage in one way or another.) Now, make a list of the things you want IN your life. Look closely at that list, then think about what is necessary to bring those things into your life. Making the changes is a hard, slow process, but it can be done. (One instance where I’ve done this has been men. When YS and I first moved to Texas, we were all alone. I had been through a couple of bad relationships since my divorce. I’d learned enough from my first marriage and from those couple of bad relationships that I knew what I *DIDN’T* want in a relationship. I had had one very special relationship that just didn’t work out. That one showed me what I *NEED* in a relationship. From those, I was able to make a list of traits I needed in a man with whom I would have a relationship.)
I know that I would like a man that at least could partially validate what I’m going through. Spends enough time with me and doesn’t think spending time together means watching TV together all the time. MorphGrrl
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – <snipped Kitten I don’t think I will ever be able to deal with it. Get on with it. I’m afraid because I wonder if that is how my life will always be. No matter what I try to do to help myself it will keep happening because that is how it always was and how it always will be. I think I can deal with it but the fact is I’m tired of people rejecting me IRL and I’m beginning to hate humanity because of it. I know it’s my own fault but I don’t know what to do. OK, Katz. Here’s what bit of help I can give you in a short post. I’ll try to get back to you via email, but we are scheduled to be moving within the next few days. 5 miles isn’t much of a move, except when you’re moving 6 people. :-) You’ve already started on the process needed to implement change in your life. You’ve decided you *want* change. That’s the step we can’t get OS to yet. He’s still stuck in the "I’m unhappy with my life, so I’m going to make everyone else unhappy, too" mode. The next step is to take a good hard look at your life. You grew up the "hard knocks" way. I (and a few other folks here) can definitely understand that. One of the problems with growing up the "hard knocks" way is that it’s hard to change what you’re used to to what you want. You have to identify what it is in your life you want to change. You have to be *VERY* specific about what it is in your life you don’t like. That’s a hard step, and it can be an ugly one. It’s scary as hell. After you’ve identified the specifics you want to change, you need to prioritize them. What do you feel has to be changed RIGHT NOW? What do you feel can wait just a bit but is highly important to you? And what can wait until all the rest is done? Once you’ve got that done, look at each specific item seperately, starting with the first RIGHT NOW item. See if there’s anything you do that contributes to that item happening in your life, and make a list. This is a tough one. Chances are, you contribute in some way, even if it’s something as unnoticeable as the way you carry yourself in certain areas or the people with whom you associate. (One of the things I had to do was to take a hard look at the characteristics in common of the men I was spending time around. I compared the characteristics of the men who weren’t treating me well and the characteristics of the good men, and I made a list of characteristics for me to avoid. That reduced the number of men with whom I associated who took advantage in one way or another.) Now, make a list of the things you want IN your life. Look closely at that list, then think about what is necessary to bring those things into your life. Making the changes is a hard, slow process, but it can be done. (One instance where I’ve done this has been men. When YS and I first moved to Texas, we were all alone. I had been through a couple of bad relationships since my divorce. I’d learned enough from my first marriage and from those couple of bad relationships that I knew what I *DIDN’T* want in a relationship. I had had one very special relationship that just didn’t work out. That one showed me what I *NEED* in a relationship. From those, I was able to make a list of traits I needed in a man with whom I would have a relationship.)
I want a resiliant fellow someone who is tough as I am. Also brave enough to stand up to me who will stand his ground. Loves to debate all the time. I want a guy who can laugh at himself. I want to marry a prankster who can take a prank as well as play one and isn’t mean spirited. A little childlike dreamy too. Who loves books and loves to race me across the pool. I want to be childlike with someone. To laugh and play. I love to cuddle just cuddle be close to someone without them interpretting it as an invitation to grab my boobs. I’m watching this great movie leaning against someone arm around them. I want to meet someone who likes my family and who’s family I like. If I don’t pick a guy like that then we’ll spend all our time being stuck between battles between various in laws. It is better to start out with a guy whose parents you get along with because he may seem nice but he’s playing a game actually the parents are a better indicator of how he will behave once you are married. You look at which one he’s most like and that is probably what you are really marrying. Once you marry him you have to deal with all of them probably so just make sure you get along with them or they will drive you crazy. If he grew up with his pops in jail and his mom dealing drugs then chances are you are in for a nightmare. I’d say make sure they aren’t on drugs, violent or out of their damn minds. Or too stuck up. I really hate people who think that society owes them anything. Or they deserve anything from anyone. I mean I don’t say I deserve to be happy because life has been a close approximation of hell. You just take what you can find enjoy it, not make too many demands, make mistakes and learn from them. I may have gotten a lousy hand but I make it count anyway. When I’m scared, lost and damn nearly about to come apart I’ve pulled through. Sometimes no matter what you do you get slammed hard by life. Sometimes I cannot avoid a problem and a few times I’ve gotten hurt because they mistake open acceptance for weakness. Sometimes I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t stand up for someone and confront an authority figure. If there is anything that gets me in trouble is I care too much. I don’t have any use for abusive authority or people who ignore that people are getting hurt. I would stand up to anyone if I believed they were wrong usually I don’t care if they take it out on me later. I cannot stand idly by and watch a teacher humiliate a student in front of his peers. It is part of the damage. My other problem is I really do not like bullies I’m afraid I might lose my temper with a bully and make a mess of things. That’s one thing which gets me in trouble. I just cannot see that and not remember it happening to me over again. It’s a part of who I am I don’t want to get rid of it I don’t think I would be me if I wasn’t that way. I would fight the whole entire school system. I don’t care about all that mess as long as my life matters. When I die I want to have left the world better. It doesn’t matter when I leave or how long I have left I want it to matter. The conformists make their displeasure known. I’ve accepted the fact that I’m going to be fighting bullies and dick wads who think because they have power that gives them the right to do whatever they want and don’t care who takes it up the ass. I’ll be fighting back the terror and holding on until I leave this earth. It was the part I wanted to get rid of because it aggravated my post all the time. Maybe I was just tired of the god damn battles to get them to comply with their own damn laws. I just got fed up with them when they wouldn’t work with me. I mean if I can’t get my mods even though I’m supposed to then I don’t have a chance. If they say look we don’t have no computer, we don’t have the staff so you don’t have to use a bubble sheet but we will let you write on the test. Or we don’t have anywhere to put you since you aren’t finished take the test, go into the hall and come back in when you finish it. That’s reality I cannot get through college when I cannot get my mods. It’s impossible and I kept hitting walls that seemed to serve no purpose in my mind. If they say I want you to figure this out and fix it I don’t care how you do it as long as it doesn’t come back and bite me on the ass. Get me a solution. I want this thing fixed. Just let me deal with it and stay out of my way while I do it. If they don’t like it then they can take it out on my ass later. So I got out of there because keeping from losing my damn mind with these people was too much for me. It seemed to not be going anywhere it was like I had to fight for every inch of turf I got. I was tired from dealing with a useless vindictive coordinator and having to fight the school board as well as learn a year’s worth in a month. I was exhausted from having to deal with a hostile administration then have to deal with a woman who messed with my IEP. Basically while she was trying to make my life interesting I had to act like it wasn’t bothering me. Then I thought ok college is going to be different. I’ll be able to concentrate on learning things that interest me, making friends, and having some fun. Nope I had to deal with the teacher who could make things close to impossible, had to learn the material myself but used to that, working hard was normal. I mean I’m paying good money to be jerked around not get my mods that I’m supposed to and I’m drained. Just once I’d like to go to a school where I don’t have to fight the god damn teachers to get what I’m supposed to by law. I mean I didn’t pass this law the government did. I had nothing to do with it. I decided that I could save myself the headache of dealing with these people by getting the book and learning it myself. Let someone else fight the god damn universities in North Carolina I’m tired. I just want an average job that I can do without a college education. I’ll let the next generation fight these assholes. I’ve done enough for the free loading bums. I have my own life and I haven’t enjoyed much of it. I’ve learned if you are above average with compensations which are impossible to get. Hide in average don’t let anyone find out what you are doing. Or that you aren’t complying with
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Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I’m one. I could tell you all the crap I survived but that would be besides the point. Even without knowing the details, just remember the most important words of that line…"I *survived*" Yep. Survival is a good thing. ;-) Kitten
I don’t think I will ever be able to deal with it. Get on with it. I’m afraid because I wonder if that is how my life will always be. No matter what I try to do to help myself it will keep happening because that is how it always was and how it always will be. I think I can deal with it but the fact is I’m tired of people rejecting me IRL and I’m beginning to hate humanity because of it. I know it’s my own fault but I don’t know what to do. It’s like my god damned adolesance instead of teasing, abuse and harrassment it’s not getting jobs that I want. I don’t mind but I’d like to get eliminate the in crowd and get back to where I belong. I’m afraid it is out of america. My aunt is dying of cancer I can’t leave the country. If I leave then I might not be able to get back for her service. I want out of america I think but I can’t leave until I do my bit. I have to my family taught me to fight for my country though my country hates me and would like to get rid of me. Family is important to me but I can’t stand many things about the country of my birth. However I love my family so I can’t leave. It would be abandoning the country of my birth though I have a bone to pick with america that will be settled later in a civilized manner. With no innocent deaths at all. I don’t believe in killing innocent people because of my anger. I don’t believe in dragging others into my fight. So I will not harm the citizens of america or the politicos but I do have a beef with them. It will be settled as civilized as I possibly can and there will be no death or injury.
Response:
<snipped Kitten I don’t think I will ever be able to deal with it. Get on with it. I’m afraid because I wonder if that is how my life will always be. No matter what I try to do to help myself it will keep happening because that is how it always was and how it always will be. I think I can deal with it but the fact is I’m tired of people rejecting me IRL and I’m beginning to hate humanity because of it. I know it’s my own fault but I don’t know what to do.
OK, Katz. Here’s what bit of help I can give you in a short post. I’ll try to get back to you via email, but we are scheduled to be moving within the next few days. 5 miles isn’t much of a move, except when you’re moving 6 people. :-) You’ve already started on the process needed to implement change in your life. You’ve decided you *want* change. That’s the step we can’t get OS to yet. He’s still stuck in the "I’m unhappy with my life, so I’m going to make everyone else unhappy, too" mode. The next step is to take a good hard look at your life. You grew up the "hard knocks" way. I (and a few other folks here) can definitely understand that. One of the problems with growing up the "hard knocks" way is that it’s hard to change what you’re used to to what you want. You have to identify what it is in your life you want to change. You have to be *VERY* specific about what it is in your life you don’t like. That’s a hard step, and it can be an ugly one. It’s scary as hell. After you’ve identified the specifics you want to change, you need to prioritize them. What do you feel has to be changed RIGHT NOW? What do you feel can wait just a bit but is highly important to you? And what can wait until all the rest is done? Once you’ve got that done, look at each specific item seperately, starting with the first RIGHT NOW item. See if there’s anything you do that contributes to that item happening in your life, and make a list. This is a tough one. Chances are, you contribute in some way, even if it’s something as unnoticeable as the way you carry yourself in certain areas or the people with whom you associate. (One of the things I had to do was to take a hard look at the characteristics in common of the men I was spending time around. I compared the characteristics of the men who weren’t treating me well and the characteristics of the good men, and I made a list of characteristics for me to avoid. That reduced the number of men with whom I associated who took advantage in one way or another.) Now, make a list of the things you want IN your life. Look closely at that list, then think about what is necessary to bring those things into your life. Making the changes is a hard, slow process, but it can be done. (One instance where I’ve done this has been men. When YS and I first moved to Texas, we were all alone. I had been through a couple of bad relationships since my divorce. I’d learned enough from my first marriage and from those couple of bad relationships that I knew what I *DIDN’T* want in a relationship. I had had one very special relationship that just didn’t work out. That one showed me what I *NEED* in a relationship. From those, I was able to make a list of traits I needed in a man with whom I would have a relationship.) Sometimes this process is easier if you remove yourself geographically. Chewy and I both did that when we, seperately, picked up from where we had been and moved to Texas. We put ourselves in new environs, where noone knew us and we could become the people we wished to be. I can’t remember just how young you are, but IIRC you may be within JobCorps guidelines. That might be an avenue to look at. They give you training and teach you how to make changes in your life. We’re looking seriously at that for OS. There are other ways to make changes, but if you’re in the 16-24yo range, JobCorps seems to be a good help. Kitten
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – <snipped Kitten I don’t think I will ever be able to deal with it. Get on with it. I’m afraid because I wonder if that is how my life will always be. No matter what I try to do to help myself it will keep happening because that is how it always was and how it always will be. I think I can deal with it but the fact is I’m tired of people rejecting me IRL and I’m beginning to hate humanity because of it. I know it’s my own fault but I don’t know what to do. OK, Katz. Here’s what bit of help I can give you in a short post. I’ll try to get back to you via email, but we are scheduled to be moving within the next few days. 5 miles isn’t much of a move, except when you’re moving 6 people. :-) You’ve already started on the process needed to implement change in your life. You’ve decided you *want* change. That’s the step we can’t get OS to yet. He’s still stuck in the "I’m unhappy with my life, so I’m going to make everyone else unhappy, too" mode. The next step is to take a good hard look at your life. You grew up the "hard knocks" way. I (and a few other folks here) can definitely understand that. One of the problems with growing up the "hard knocks" way is that it’s hard to change what you’re used to to what you want. You have to identify what it is in your life you want to change. You have to be *VERY* specific about what it is in your life you don’t like. That’s a hard step, and it can be an ugly one. It’s scary as hell. After you’ve identified the specifics you want to change, you need to prioritize them. What do you feel has to be changed RIGHT NOW? What do you feel can wait just a bit but is highly important to you? And what can wait until all the rest is done? Once you’ve got that done, look at each specific item seperately, starting with the first RIGHT NOW item. See if there’s anything you do that contributes to that item happening in your life, and make a list. This is a tough one. Chances are, you contribute in some way, even if it’s something as unnoticeable as the way you carry yourself in certain areas or the people with whom you associate. (One of the things I had to do was to take a hard look at the characteristics in common of the men I was spending time around. I compared the characteristics of the men who weren’t treating me well and the characteristics of the good men, and I made a list of characteristics for me to avoid. That reduced the number of men with whom I associated who took advantage in one way or another.)
I’ve decided to put my life in order get myself together make sure I can feed myself and pay my rent before I get involved with anyone. I have to make sure if I screw up and I probably will that I can get rid of the guy and survive on my own. I want a relationship where no one is forced to stay if they don’t want to. If we don’t like each other I mean really don’t click. Someone I can respect when I want to fucking strangle and when we cool off he’ll make me glad I made the effort. Great sense of humor if he’s going to live with me then he’d better have one because I have really crappy luck. I mean for example the sink backs up in my exs dorm room I’m due at a talent show. I help him clean up the mess then run to the talent show and my shirt got well from washing everything. I was cold miserable and hillarious. Somehow even though my life is probably like a comedy of errors and disaster strikes often. I improvise and survive. Men seem to be where I have problems the rest of it is ok so if I have no serious intimate relationship with men for long enough to sort myself out. I’d like a gentle, with a wicked sense of humor, who doesn’t take himself too seriously, I don’t care if he’s ugly physically. If a guy lies once he’ll lie again. If he manipulates me once to get me to like him then he’s gone I get rid of him. A straightforward honest person who I know where I stand with. I hate small talk and I’m scared of crowds too not very good socially. I want a guy who’s introverted or half and half. I specifically want an ADDer who’s my same age or a little younger. Not a buck passer not someone who would blame someone else. Who likes to watch movies, listen to music, play pool, ice skate and swim. Someone who would stay with me if I was throwing up or sit with me and cuddle near a crackling fire on a rainy night watching a murder mystery under my blanket and not have to beat him off you with a baseball bat. I mean I’d like someone who likes to read books and understands why I crave them. Also someone who likes to dance won’t drink all my beer. I don’t mind if has post too or is really fucked up. I’m not marrying a normie no way in hell. I wouldn’t trust one any further than I can throw one. I don’t hate them anymore as much but forgive me if I have a little distrust. If the guy doesn’t tell you the truth how do you know he’s not going to try to kill you. If he has the sudden urge to break a bottle over my head while I’m asleep or wants to attack me for no appearant reason then if he doesn’t tell me in time for me to stop it. Or if I need to take any impliments that can be used for suicide. Or if he needs to go back to the psyche ward for god sakes tell me so I can help. I’m ok if he’s crazy as a loon I don’t mind. I don’t like manipulative guys who will say anything to get you to sleep with them. Color doesn’t matter a strong sense of responsibility, I hate arrogance and hypocracy, not a bully but someone who does what they believe needs to be done. Also someone who doesn’t hate for silly reasons. I hate the normies because of what they did not what religion or color they were. I can’t stand a person who is shallow, conceited and petty. Also someone who is rational practical and honest. As well as wise and forgiving. As long as they don’t have CD traits or ODD at all then I can live with anything from mental illness to an incurable illness, to post traumatic or autism. I’ve lived with some pretty awful things as long as the man doesn’t wet his bed, try to turn me into his mother, hit me on purpose, push my buttons for the hell of it, run for congress or is a compulsive liar. I can deal with him getting arrested, behaving foolishly, accidentally or impulsively knocking me on my ass, I don’t mind if his arm goes wild during a seizure and gives me a bloody nose, I can deal with stuff that would terrify most people clean out their minds. I don’t need a man but I would like one. I don’t want to marry someone who terrifies me. I can’t be loving when I’m scared. Liars terrify me. I don’t want to marry a guy considering a career in politics because it would ruin the private quiet existance I want and need to keep my sanity. I have to have privacy and peace I cannot deal with noise at all. I want to live where I can see the stars, where everyone knows I won’t hurt anyone unless they try to harm me first, where I know everyone in the whole town by sight. That I can be a nonconformist and people don’t mind that I’m different. A small house where I can lie out back and see the stars. I want to be in peace and these assholes who infest the big cities are impossible to entirely block out. It’s difficult to determine whether a person is pretending or really likes you. I just assume all of it is fake. You know how I tell a man is lying his mouth is moving. You could have a criminal record five pages long and I’d still love you. If you lie when I first meet you or try to manipulate me then you could be the hottest guy in the world and I’d still toss you out on your ass. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Now, make a list of the things you want IN your life. Look closely at that list, then think about what is necessary to bring those things into your life. Making the changes is a hard, slow process, but it can be done. (One instance where I’ve done this has been men. When YS and I first moved to Texas, we were all alone. I had been through a couple of bad relationships since my divorce. I’d learned enough from my first marriage and from those couple of bad relationships that I knew what I *DIDN’T* want in a relationship. I had had one very special relationship that just didn’t work out. That one showed me what I *NEED* in a relationship. From those, I was able to make a list of traits I needed in a man with whom I would have a relationship.) Sometimes this process is easier if you remove yourself geographically. Chewy and I both did that when we, seperately, picked up from where we had been and moved to Texas. We put ourselves in new environs, where noone knew us and we could become the people we wished to be. I can’t remember just how young you are, but IIRC you may be within JobCorps guidelines. That might be an avenue to look at. They give you training and teach you how to make changes in your life. We’re looking seriously at that for OS. There are other ways to make changes, but if you’re in the 16-24yo range, JobCorps seems to be a good help. Kitten
Response:
I’m one. I could tell you all the crap I survived but that would be besides the point.
Even without knowing the details, just remember the most important words of that line…"I *survived*" Buny
Response:
I’m one. I could tell you all the crap I survived but that would be besides the point. Even without knowing the details, just remember the most important words of that line…"I *survived*"
Yep. Survival is a good thing. ;-) Kitten
Response:
I’m one. I could tell you all the crap I survived but that would be besides the point.
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