Question:
>If it’s in the agreement and he doesn’t pay you the $7K by the end of next >september, file against him in small claims court, put a lien on the house, >etc…
You know, Deb, this might be the way to go. Do what you want about the money. You have a year to figure out what to do here, to decide if this is the time to stand up to your bully or time to rise above petty battles over lucre. I think you should check in with a lawyer, too, though. I’m not seeing the huge ugly fight here that you are. Even outside Small Claims Court – and remember, I am the Queen of "keep it out of court" – these failure to pay issues seem to me to be pretty much in-and-out affairs. FWIW it seems to me that on the occasions I have been in court, I saw a hundreds of cases just like this go by in a couple of minutes each: "It says here that you will pay her $7K in 7 years. It’s been 7 years. Did you pay her the $7K? Why not?" But that’s my perception, after all. You should check with a lawyer. If you want, I can hook you up. jane – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->From: You_know_jstlucas@stuff_hotmail.com (Joe St. Lucas)
Response:
"Nikki Murphy" <n…@impactwp.com> wrote in message
news:s_SdnfkMJIO8zOvcRVnyuQ@eclipse.net.uk… > I suppose I shouldn’t say ‘never mind, she’ll be moving out soon’?
Not much, no. I just want the mature girl I had last year back. She’s split up with her boyfriend of two years, which seems to have really unsettled her and the rest of us in the process. Meanwhile she was the victim of an assault the week before last. She and some friends went to Cheltenham to see a boy she’s started seeing a bit of. They asked someone for directions back to the place they parked and he said all sorts of inappropriate things to them, so they walked away. He shouted after them, and one of the girls shouted back at him. At which point, he chased the bloke they were with down the street, turned came back at the girls and knocked two of them down. Lou went to help them up and he attacked her, throwing her to the ground. She hit her head on the curb, badly grazed her knee, elbow , cut her hand and was covered in bruises. The police caught him, but then let him go with just a fine and a letter of apology to her. > Ah well, allow me to help you with that.
Right you are, then. > I could do you and I meeting locally pretty soon but Oxford might be a bit > much to manage at the moment. I’m usually free on a Sunday.
Locally, is fine. A Sunday lunch would be fun. Email me some dates If you want some fun, Barclay is placing at The Synergy Project in London on 19 November. See www.projectozma.com for details. www.synergyproject.org is their website, but they don’t have the November flyer up yet, surprisingly. They’re doing the main dance room with 14 VJs and 5 DJs, and there will be a chill out room. There will be the "Forced Out" room with all sorts of positive action information. There will be a room for talented but yet unknown artists to show their work. Plus there will be a healing room area with swedish and holistic massage, thai massage, relexology, shiatsu, Reiki, energy healing and Polynesian Maori massage. It’s the end of an era as it’s probably the last Project Ozma gig for some time, as one of the main organisers is off to India. Wendy T
Response:
In article <20041020095238.22107.00005…@mb-m07.aol.com>, jane <janelaw2…@aol.com> wrote: >I think you should check in with a lawyer, too, though. I’m not seeing the >huge ugly fight here that you are. Even outside Small Claims Court – and >remember, I am the Queen of "keep it out of court" – these failure to pay >issues seem to me to be pretty much in-and-out affairs. FWIW it seems to me >that on the occasions I have been in court, I saw a hundreds of cases just like >this go by in a couple of minutes each: "It says here that you will pay her $7K >in 7 years. It’s been 7 years. Did you pay her the $7K? Why not?"
No–the big ugly fight I’m getting the sinking feeling about isn’t a court battle, but rather an ugly personal fight that brings up all the old bad feelings that I’ve managed to live without for the past 5 or 6 years. I’m sure if I took it to court, it would go just as you said. I just don’t have the guts for a seige of personal attacks and nastiness. I get absolutely no satisfaction at all out of fending them off, and even less satisfaction from retaliation (even if it’s deserved). I can’t stand the feeling of biting my tongue in half to keep from telling my son that his father is a prick–even though he’s smart enough to have figured that out all on his own, years ago, and I’m still trying to come to grips with it. Deb R. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->jane
Response:
"Deborah M Riel" <dr…@wpi.edu> wrote in message news:cl69hh$piq$1@bigboote.WPI.EDU… >I’m sure if I took it to court, it would go just as you said. > I just don’t have the guts for a seige of personal attacks and > nastiness.
Sure you do. You divorced him, and that is the ultimate "I could give a rat’s ass what you think of me anymore" statement. > I get absolutely no satisfaction at all out of fending > them off, and even less satisfaction from retaliation (even if it’s > deserved).
What retaliation? He spews, you can just walk away. Kind of hard to argue when it’s just one person. > I can’t stand the feeling of biting my tongue in half to > keep from telling my son that his father is a prick–even though he’s > smart enough to have figured that out all on his own, years ago, and > I’m still trying to come to grips with it.
Then there’s no reason to tell your son something he already knows, and eliminates the need for you to bite your tongue in half. 
Jess
Response:
>I just don’t have the guts for a seige of personal attacks and >nastiness. I get absolutely no satisfaction at all out of fending >them off, and even less satisfaction from retaliation (even if it’s >deserved).
I’m not backing off the lawyer, but are you seeing a shrink? This is clearly shrink territory. Or call Anne. jane – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Deb R.
Response:
"Wendy T" <we…@hundredakerwood.freeserve.co.uk> wrote in message
news:cl3qa9$me2$1@newsg1.svr.pol.co.uk… > "Nikki Murphy" <n…@impactwp.com> wrote in message > news:MNudnQNL3NKu0ujcRVnyhw@eclipse.net.uk… >> Yes, Kiera’s sulking (definitely a Davies trait!!) can wind me up too, >> and >> she’s only 4! > Somehow when they’re 4 you can take it, but when they’re 18 and acting 4 > it’s just too much.
Hey, my ex is 34 and behaves like he’s 4, so I know where you’re coming from I suppose I shouldn’t say ‘never mind, she’ll be moving out soon’? >> I did take a break. And I’m kind of back. Just been focusing on, well, >> having a good time and not doing a lot other than going out, having fun, >> then resting it off. Know it’s all going to kick off here soon with new >> houses etc, so making the most of my hiatus. > Fun is good. I sometimes feel like I’m not getting my fair share of it.
Ah well, allow me to help you with that. >> Must get together though, soon! One weekend lunchtime? > Sure. I said I’d try to organise a get together in Oxford, but then > people’s responses and diaries didn’t seem all that easy to mesh over the > summer. > Email me with some dates and I’ll see what Barclay’s diary looks like, > though that doesn’t necessarily stop me from going out on my own.
I could do you and I meeting locally pretty soon but Oxford might be a bit much to manage at the moment. I’m usually free on a Sunday. Nikki – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I haven’t seen any posts from Emma in a while. Emma, are you still out > there? > Wendy T
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"Deborah M Riel" <dr…@wpi.edu> wrote in message news:cl41mp$2kuf$2@bigboote.WPI.EDU… > I never thought about taxes with this thing. Good point. It isn’t > spousal support, but it *is* my share of equity from the house. Of > course if I never see it anyway, it’s all academic.
Oh, see, that even would take away any guilt from me about asking for it. It’s not support, it’s *your* share of the equity from the house. And I assume you haven’t been charging him any interest for his ability to use and profit from your money all these years. But anyway, only you are really going to be able to weigh the pros and cons. good luck rebecca
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In article <41756E02.5030…@aol.com>, Tracey <rbranch…@aol.com> wrote: >But then you run into the trap of ‘Geez, do you think I’m an IDIOT?!?!?! >I signed the stoopid papers, I know what my responsibilities are. I >don’t need you to remind me!’ >Even if I hadn’t remembered it, I would imagine I would still react >that way. 
>Tracey
I can see that happening, but not in my case. He was enraged that I was even considering asking for it, even if it was in the agreement. He feels like he was "royally screwed over by the divorce" and that he can see right through my "pathetic money grab." He feels no responsibility whatsoever to honor the agreement because he feels that he’s been terribly unjustly treated by the system and me. Deb R.
Response:
In article <4Medd.1592$%h1….@newsread3.news.pas.earthlink.net>, rebecca <justrebec…@yahoo.com> wrote: >I like the idea of continuing support payments (although child support is >non-tax, versus I assume the $7 K is spousal and taxable). That’s >responsive to desire to maintain cash flow, your need for the money, and in >keeping with the spirit of the deal the two of you originally struck. >Smart cookie. Want to come manage my life for awhile? >rebecca
Actually, maybe managing yours would make me forget about being so stressed out over mine… I never thought about taxes with this thing. Good point. It isn’t spousal support, but it *is* my share of equity from the house. Of course if I never see it anyway, it’s all academic. Deb R.
Response:
"Tracey" <rbranch…@aol.com> wrote in message
news:41756E02.5030807@aol.com… > But then you run into the trap of ‘Geez, do you think I’m an IDIOT?!?!?! > I signed the stoopid papers, I know what my responsibilities are. I > don’t need you to remind me!’ > Even if I hadn’t remembered it, I would imagine I would still react > that way.
A lot depends on your relationship, I guess. I’d find a contact from a solicitor far more adversarial. Wendy T
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Wendy T wrote: > "Joe St. Lucas" <You_know_jstlucas@stuff_hotmail.com> wrote in message > news:XV1dd.29641$bk1.8181@fed1read05… >>If it’s in the agreement and he doesn’t pay you the $7K by the end of next >>september, file against him in small claims court, put a lien on the > house, >>etc…But, yeah, he’s probably pissed cuz you reminded him a year ahead of >>time. > I don’t know about you, but it would take me time to raise 7K and I’d want > as much time as I could get to organise it. > Wendy T
But then you run into the trap of ‘Geez, do you think I’m an IDIOT?!?!?! I signed the stoopid papers, I know what my responsibilities are. I don’t need you to remind me!’ Even if I hadn’t remembered it, I would imagine I would still react that way. Tracey
Response:
Tracey wrote in news:41756E02.5030807@aol.com: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Wendy T wrote: >> "Joe St. Lucas" <You_know_jstlucas@stuff_hotmail.com> wrote in >> message news:XV1dd.29641$bk1.8181@fed1read05… >>>If it’s in the agreement and he doesn’t pay you the $7K by the end of >>>next september, file against him in small claims court, put a lien on >>>the >> house, >>>etc…But, yeah, he’s probably pissed cuz you reminded him a year >>>ahead of time. >> I don’t know about you, but it would take me time to raise 7K and I’d >> want as much time as I could get to organise it. >> Wendy T > But then you run into the trap of ‘Geez, do you think I’m an > IDIOT?!?!?! I signed the stoopid papers, I know what my > responsibilities are. I don’t need you to remind me!’ > Even if I hadn’t remembered it, I would imagine I would still react > that way. > Tracey
For one thing, this was something he has had six years to plan for already, and she has reminded him a year in advance. He already *has* had time to prepare for this, and still has a year to figure out how to pay what he owes Deb. From what Deb said, it sounds like he was expecting her to just forget all about it, and he’s peeved that that isn’t the case. — Cal~ Change me to myself for email :-)
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"Deborah M Riel" <dr…@wpi.edu> wrote in message news:cl3but$29c0$1@bigboote.WPI.EDU… > He knows I’ll never take this to court. My mental health is worth > more than $7K. I may suggest that he continue making the same support > payments he has been making after our son turns 18 in December. > If he did that for another 14 months, he’d have it covered.
Well, Deb, you didn’t ask for advice, which is why I didn’t initially post. But everyone else’s jumping all in, so here goes. I think you have to decide what’s, in the end, going to make you feel most at peace with yourself. Clearly, he owes you the money. Letting him off the hook to avoid the fight might seem worth it to you now, but ostensibly your divorce settlement was reasonable, and it’s unfair of him now to expect to rework that deal. So you have to balance the resentment that you’ll have for his tactics succeeding against the avoidance of unpleasantness between you. I like the idea of continuing support payments (although child support is non-tax, versus I assume the $7 K is spousal and taxable). That’s responsive to desire to maintain cash flow, your need for the money, and in keeping with the spirit of the deal the two of you originally struck. Smart cookie. Want to come manage my life for awhile? rebecca
Response:
"Wendy T" <we…@hundredakerwood.freeserve.co.uk> wrote in message
news:cl3ioo$g13$3@news6.svr.pol.co.uk… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> "Nikki Murphy" <n…@impactwp.com> wrote in message > news:raGdnYWKF4AcoejcRVnyvw@eclipse.net.uk… >> My ex sometimes makes me so mad I could quite literally hit him with a > blunt > object. I tend to try and think ‘oh no way pal’ because I really > feel like >> if I allow him to do that to me, I’m giving my power over to him and just >> letting him hit me over the head with it, you know? It’s hard. I > sympathise. > Hey, you’re back. > Wendy > PS The only person who can turn me inside out like my ex is my eldest > daughter.
Yes, Kiera’s sulking (definitely a Davies trait!!) can wind me up too, and she’s only 4! I did take a break. And I’m kind of back. Just been focusing on, well, having a good time and not doing a lot other than going out, having fun, then resting it off. Know it’s all going to kick off here soon with new houses etc, so making the most of my hiatus. Must get together though, soon! One weekend lunchtime? Nikki
Response:
"Nikki Murphy" <n…@impactwp.com> wrote in message
news:MNudnQNL3NKu0ujcRVnyhw@eclipse.net.uk… > Yes, Kiera’s sulking (definitely a Davies trait!!) can wind me up too, and > she’s only 4!
Somehow when they’re 4 you can take it, but when they’re 18 and acting 4 it’s just too much. > I did take a break. And I’m kind of back. Just been focusing on, well, > having a good time and not doing a lot other than going out, having fun, > then resting it off. Know it’s all going to kick off here soon with new > houses etc, so making the most of my hiatus.
Fun is good. I sometimes feel like I’m not getting my fair share of it. > Must get together though, soon! One weekend lunchtime?
Sure. I said I’d try to organise a get together in Oxford, but then people’s responses and diaries didn’t seem all that easy to mesh over the summer. Email me with some dates and I’ll see what Barclay’s diary looks like, though that doesn’t necessarily stop me from going out on my own. I haven’t seen any posts from Emma in a while. Emma, are you still out there? Wendy T
Response:
"Joe St. Lucas" <You_know_jstlucas@stuff_hotmail.com> wrote in message news:XV1dd.29641$bk1.8181@fed1read05… > If it’s in the agreement and he doesn’t pay you the $7K by the end of next > september, file against him in small claims court, put a lien on the house, > etc…But, yeah, he’s probably pissed cuz you reminded him a year ahead of > time.
I don’t know about you, but it would take me time to raise 7K and I’d want as much time as I could get to organise it. Wendy T
Response:
"Nikki Murphy" <n…@impactwp.com> wrote in message
news:raGdnYWKF4AcoejcRVnyvw@eclipse.net.uk… > My ex sometimes makes me so mad I could quite literally hit him with a
blunt > object. I tend to try and think ‘oh no way pal’ because I really feel like > if I allow him to do that to me, I’m giving my power over to him and just > letting him hit me over the head with it, you know? It’s hard. I
sympathise. Hey, you’re back. Wendy PS The only person who can turn me inside out like my ex is my eldest daughter.
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"Deborah M Riel" <dr…@wpi.edu> wrote in message news:cl1ek6$19nt$1@bigboote.WPI.EDU… > I *know* he’s not rolling in money, and that he works hard. That’s > not the issue. I’ve bent over backwards to be fair to him, and all I > got was the same old abuse I got when I was married to him. I’ve been > working up my courage for months on how to approach him with this, and > now I don’t know what to do. I don’t have the stomach for an ugly > fight over money, which is why I took so much less to begin with.
I hate fighting over money. That’s why I tried to get all the financial things sorted out when we first separated. Every time finances come up, it’s a recipe for acrimony. When Barclay moved in, my ex implied that now that I didn’t have a mortgage to pay, because Barclay bought a share of the house and I paid the mortgage off with it, this should reduce the child support he pays. I couldn’t believe it, but then again he never was that organised about finances. Even with monthly statements about what the child support gets spent on, he still seems to think that there’s money left over one month to the next. As if. The best thing is not to talk to them when you are upset about it. Wait til you are calmer and then try and write down as much information as you can so he understands your reasoning. Ask him for his views and reasoning in writing. Then try and find something which considers all viewpoints as best you can, is all I can suggest. Don’t let it get to you. Wendy T
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"Deborah M Riel" <dr…@wpi.edu> wrote in message news:cl3but$29c0$1@bigboote.WPI.EDU… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> In article <JMCdnQmgl6YlVOncRVn…@eclipse.net.uk>, > Nikki Murphy <n…@impactwp.com> wrote: >>Take a deep breath and step outside of it. Don’t let him make you feel how >>he used to make you feel. It’s just delaying tactics and trying to avoid >>the >>issue on his part. You’re entitled to that money and there’s nothing wrong >>with you asking for it, now or later. You’re bigger than all of that old >>crap with your ex and you do have the power to just let it go and think >>’fuck him’. >>Nikki > This is it in a nutshell. It’s like post traumatic stress syndrome > setting in anytime I have to do business with him. Everything I used > to feel that was so bad came flooding back, and I knew it would > happen. When we were married, whenever I asked for something that > would fulfill me personally, he treated it like some huge personality > flaw of mine. Everything from wanting to go to night school, to > requesting we scale back a project that was taking way too much of our > budget and time, to dealing with the problems his (then) drinking was > causing, trying to budget our money, asking his alcoholic brother to > move out of our house, child rearing decisions, *everything* –even > asking for a backrub or a walk in the woods with him, was a > personality flaw of mine. All his bad choices were the fault of > everyone around him. I used to tie myself up in knots trying to > please, and I never succeeded unless I did exactly what he wanted me > to do. Even then, he wasn’t pleased for long. I admit it. His moods > controlled and intimidated me. I guess they still intimidate me even > after we’ve been apart since 1996.
Ha! Are you sure you’re not talking about MY ex?! He actually said to me recently during a discussion about what had happened in our marriage ‘oh I don’t know why Nikki, but if you ever told me you wanted or needed me to provide you with something, I just couldn’t do it, I had to rebel’. And it’s funny, because I’m like one of the most unlikely people-pleasers that there are. I can be a right bossy bitch and most who know me can’t understand how I’ve dumbed myself down and tried to please my ex because it just doesn’t seem like me. Is it like that for you? > He knows I’ll never take this to court. My mental health is worth > more than $7K. I may suggest that he continue making the same support > payments he has been making after our son turns 18 in December. > If he did that for another 14 months, he’d have it covered.
Well that’s a really good compromise. Maybe email him, save yourself the ag of going through the same old bullshit? > Money fights make me feel so dirty. I hate that. I also hate that I > still give him enough power over my emotions that I can’t deal with > it effectively.
A pal of mine, divorced 4 years, rang me a couple of weeks ago in total pieces after a conversation with her ex over money. I think it’s really common to get sucked into the old patterns that way. A guy I’m seeing was talking about his ex last night and their fight over money and he was furious too, right back in there where he used to be when they were together. I think it’s the combination of old emotions and money – money being one of the most difficult things for people to deal with generally. My ex sometimes makes me so mad I could quite literally hit him with a blunt object. I tend to try and think ‘oh no way pal’ because I really feel like if I allow him to do that to me, I’m giving my power over to him and just letting him hit me over the head with it, you know? It’s hard. I sympathise. But you’ve been cool enough to think through another solution, so kudos for you and boo sucks to him. Nikki – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Deb R.
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Deb, I hate those arguments. :-( Damn. Sheila
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In article <JMCdnQmgl6YlVOncRVn…@eclipse.net.uk>, Nikki Murphy <n…@impactwp.com> wrote: >Take a deep breath and step outside of it. Don’t let him make you feel how >he used to make you feel. It’s just delaying tactics and trying to avoid the >issue on his part. You’re entitled to that money and there’s nothing wrong >with you asking for it, now or later. You’re bigger than all of that old >crap with your ex and you do have the power to just let it go and think >’fuck him’. >Nikki
This is it in a nutshell. It’s like post traumatic stress syndrome setting in anytime I have to do business with him. Everything I used to feel that was so bad came flooding back, and I knew it would happen. When we were married, whenever I asked for something that would fulfill me personally, he treated it like some huge personality flaw of mine. Everything from wanting to go to night school, to requesting we scale back a project that was taking way too much of our budget and time, to dealing with the problems his (then) drinking was causing, trying to budget our money, asking his alcoholic brother to move out of our house, child rearing decisions, *everything* –even asking for a backrub or a walk in the woods with him, was a personality flaw of mine. All his bad choices were the fault of everyone around him. I used to tie myself up in knots trying to please, and I never succeeded unless I did exactly what he wanted me to do. Even then, he wasn’t pleased for long. I admit it. His moods controlled and intimidated me. I guess they still intimidate me even after we’ve been apart since 1996. He knows I’ll never take this to court. My mental health is worth more than $7K. I may suggest that he continue making the same support payments he has been making after our son turns 18 in December. If he did that for another 14 months, he’d have it covered. Money fights make me feel so dirty. I hate that. I also hate that I still give him enough power over my emotions that I can’t deal with it effectively. Deb R. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text –
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>OK, I was supposed to get the $7K after the 7th year after our >divorce. That makes it next September. I thought it was time to >remind him, so I did–a year in advance. He’s totally *outraged* at >my "pathetic money grabbing attempt"
If it’s in the agreement and he doesn’t pay you the $7K by the end of next september, file against him in small claims court, put a lien on the house, etc…But, yeah, he’s probably pissed cuz you reminded him a year ahead of time.
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"Deborah M Riel" <dr…@wpi.edu> wrote in message news:cl1ek6$19nt$1@bigboote.WPI.EDU… >I just got off the phone with my ex. I’m HUGELY pissed off and need > to vent.
snip> Deb R. From what I’m experiencing in the course of my own separation/divorce right now, and what I’ve seen from other friends, this is just how it goes. You’re getting on with your life, and you feel good about things. You feel like you’re recovering/have recovered or processed the problems in the old relationship. You need to approach the ex about something and before you know it, you’re both right back there mired in all of the same old communication issues. It’s hugely frustrating. He doesn’t have a leg to stand on I don’t think. It’s in the agreement, he has to cough up. I wouldn’t even tolerate discussion about it frankly. What the heck does any of that stuff that he brought up have to do with the price of fish? Nothing. It’s in black and white. Take a deep breath and step outside of it. Don’t let him make you feel how he used to make you feel. It’s just delaying tactics and trying to avoid the issue on his part. You’re entitled to that money and there’s nothing wrong with you asking for it, now or later. You’re bigger than all of that old crap with your ex and you do have the power to just let it go and think ‘fuck him’. Nikki
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"Deborah M Riel" <dr…@wpi.edu> wrote in message news:cl1ek6$19nt$1@bigboote.WPI.EDU… >I just got off the phone with my ex. I’m HUGELY pissed off and need > to vent.
{{{{Deb}}}} Perhaps he was hoping you would forget it and was shocked to realise you haven’t. My ex was supposed to increase the child support annually in line with inflation. Of course he didn’t and when I finally got the guts up to ask him for it (years later) he was pretty pissed off. Every year since then he has increased the support without needing any prompting. I think the worst part of it for men like this is being reminded. I guess it makes them feel small or something? Hopefully your ex will get over it soon. Amy
Response:
I just got off the phone with my ex. I’m HUGELY pissed off and need to vent. Background: When our divorce was final in 9/98, part of the written agreement was that I’d receive a $7K settlement as my portion of the house that I signed over to him. The house, at the time, needed a lot of work because of an addition that he wanted to put on, and never finished. He’s the carpenter, I’m not, so I let him have the house because I couldn’t afford to hire someone to do the work, and I couldn’t do it myself. He finished the work, and has been renting it out since then. During the course of the 7 or 8 years he was putting the addition on to the house (while we were still married) I put $10K in cash into it that my parents had given me, plus all the money I put in from my pay just because we were married and in this together. The house now (presumedly) is worth more than in ‘98, but he’s refinanced and now tells me that his tenant had a fire that was underinsured and he’s trying to fix. That was the first I heard of that problem. OK, I was supposed to get the $7K after the 7th year after our divorce. That makes it next September. I thought it was time to remind him, so I did–a year in advance. He’s totally *outraged* at my "pathetic money grabbing attempt", and is accusing me of all kinds of unfair treatment towards him. He said he doesn’t have it, and won’t give it to me. After all, he says, come January he won’t be working so much because he’ll be raising a new kid. Just an aside, here, when we had our son, I did all the child care plus worked full time because he was too busy to do child care. Pisses me off. He went on to say how much he’s put into raising our son, how he buys him clothes and shoes, pays tuition and never missed a support payment. Well, I’ve bought clothes and shoes too, and all his tuition has come out of the support payments. There was *never* any extra after tuition for anything else. I handled all that, and never asked him to split it. I took about $75/week less than the state formula for child support called for, and $50/week less that the reduced amount we legally agreed on in the divorce. All he could say was that he was screwed over royally in the divorce and not a judge in the country would make him pay that money after 7 years. And that he’s finally getting along better with our son, and he’s not going to let me screw it up with my money grab. His relationship with our son is his own fault. He didn’t have to verbally torment him for years, then hit him several times recently. That has nothing to do with our divorce settlement on the house. This is a man who goes to the Philippines twice a year, owns 2 houses, 2 cars and obviously feels he can support another child. He said that I must have a shitload of money in the bank because he’s been paying so much for our son all these years. I *know* he’s not rolling in money, and that he works hard. That’s not the issue. I’ve bent over backwards to be fair to him, and all I got was the same old abuse I got when I was married to him. I’ve been working up my courage for months on how to approach him with this, and now I don’t know what to do. I don’t have the stomach for an ugly fight over money, which is why I took so much less to begin with. OK, that’s all I have now. I have to process all this. I’m really, really, really upset right now. Deb R.
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