Question:
"m1" hotlips commenting on Heather’s life story: "Not all cases are as you described." Brilliant comment… simply brilliant. Dad
Response:
Not all cases are as you described. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I hate to tell you this – but if you have lived in an abusive home and its the only home you know – chances are you would choose the abusive home. I myself lived in an abusive home for many years – while my siblings and I felt that she treated us poorly and abused us – I was the only one who chose to leave and have a new life. My other siblings were not so lucky – in their choices they never strayed far from the abuse and ended up abusing themselves with drugs and alcohol. Both have since died. I work with foster children – one child at the age of 6 – had his hand cut off by his bfather – he is now 8 living in the system but he desperately wants to go back with his bfather. He asks and prays about it everyday – yet his bfather is currently serving time for causing his bsister’s "shaken baby syndrome" who is now 3 and will mentally stay at about 2-5 months mentallay for the rest of her life. How would a child raised in an abusive environment know anything else? Often they associate violence or abuse with love. Its the same thing with battered women – after they have lost their self esteem – they feel they deserve the punishments and abuse and that their husband would not do that if he did not love them. While I would love children to have more control over their situations – society must protect the child from further abuse. I actually have had foster children tell me that their foster parents don’t love them because they don’t yell, hit or spank them. They feel "ignored" or "unloved" if they do not have the same things around them that they did before. Its a sad state of affairs with no real answers. Heather Lubinsky The so called Abusive parent/s. Is one the other is the system wich is designed to save children from from the Abusive parent. Based on observations post removal. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Attachment Disorders and many more but I will concintrate on these two only. Of course the child is going to have PTSD The removal (Kidnapping) from the parent causes PTSD!! The service providers forgetting this fact blindly disturbs the disorder. The childs world has been turned upside down and inside out moved around and rearrainged. Definatly feeling not wanted by any one. Taken from their permanancy. Put in a state of unsureness filled with nightmares one right after another. Surley this can’t be good for the child and is the cause of the Attachment disorder. The child fearing that somthing else they get attached to will be taken from them. In reality everything has been taken from them even their freedom of choice. leaving them helpless and alone in a desporate situation that isn’t going to get better. In these cases the PTSD and Attachment disorder. Can be resolved by giving the child the choice to pick the lesser of the two evils. The so called Abusive parent/s or the current living conditions aka the System. Every body forgets the fact that the child has a mind of it’s own and has lived under both conditions and could make this decision what is in my best interests.
Response:
<snip In these cases the PTSD and Attachment disorder. Can be resolved by giving the child the choice to pick the lesser of the two evils.
I just want to state that my views on the child’s role in selecting adoptive parents do NOT coincide with this diatribe from m1! Every body forgets the fact that the child has a mind of it’s own and has lived under both conditions and could make this decision what is in my best interests.
Me thinks you might berate the child if he/she made a decision you didn’t agree with. I think you have a great deal to learn about both PTSD and Attachement Disorders. Would you care to talk about either? Best wishes. Sue T. A new dream: the best interests of and full equality for all adoptees.
Response:
I hate to tell you this – but if you have lived in an abusive home and its the only home you know – chances are you would choose the abusive home.
I am snipping all the rest, Heather – not out of disrespect for you – far from it – but from a great sorrow, hearing again the enormity of what is done to little children. It is a wonder that the stones don’t weep. Helen
Response:
No I said my peace and thats it. Im not going to get into a stupid argument. I don’t think you know me and you sure don’t know weither or not I would berate a child for showing som decision making skills.
Response:
I hate to tell you this – but if you have lived in an abusive home and its the only home you know – chances are you would choose the abusive home. I myself lived in an abusive home for many years – while my siblings and I felt that she treated us poorly and abused us – I was the only one who chose to leave and have a new life. My other siblings were not so lucky – in their choices they never strayed far from the abuse and ended up abusing themselves with drugs and alcohol. Both have since died. I work with foster children – one child at the age of 6 – had his hand cut off by his bfather – he is now 8 living in the system but he desperately wants to go back with his bfather. He asks and prays about it everyday – yet his bfather is currently serving time for causing his bsister’s "shaken baby syndrome" who is now 3 and will mentally stay at about 2-5 months mentallay for the rest of her life. How would a child raised in an abusive environment know anything else? Often they associate violence or abuse with love. Its the same thing with battered women – after they have lost their self esteem – they feel they deserve the punishments and abuse and that their husband would not do that if he did not love them. While I would love children to have more control over their situations – society must protect the child from further abuse. I actually have had foster children tell me that their foster parents don’t love them because they don’t yell, hit or spank them. They feel "ignored" or "unloved" if they do not have the same things around them that they did before. Its a sad state of affairs with no real answers. Heather Lubinsky
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – The so called Abusive parent/s. Is one the other is the system wich is designed to save children from from the Abusive parent. Based on observations post removal. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Attachment Disorders and many more but I will concintrate on these two only. Of course the child is going to have PTSD The removal (Kidnapping) from the parent causes PTSD!! The service providers forgetting this fact blindly disturbs the disorder. The childs world has been turned upside down and inside out moved around and rearrainged. Definatly feeling not wanted by any one. Taken from their permanancy. Put in a state of unsureness filled with nightmares one right after another. Surley this can’t be good for the child and is the cause of the Attachment disorder. The child fearing that somthing else they get attached to will be taken from them. In reality everything has been taken from them even their freedom of choice. leaving them helpless and alone in a desporate situation that isn’t going to get better. In these cases the PTSD and Attachment disorder. Can be resolved by giving the child the choice to pick the lesser of the two evils. The so called Abusive parent/s or the current living conditions aka the System. Every body forgets the fact that the child has a mind of it’s own and has lived under both conditions and could make this decision what is in my best interests.
Response:
The so called Abusive parent/s. Is one the other is the system wich is designed to save children from from the Abusive parent. Based on observations post removal. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Attachment Disorders and many more but I will concintrate on these two only. Of course the child is going to have PTSD The removal (Kidnapping) from the parent causes PTSD!! The service providers forgetting this fact blindly disturbs the disorder. The childs world has been turned upside down and inside out moved around and rearrainged. Definatly feeling not wanted by any one. Taken from their permanancy. Put in a state of unsureness filled with nightmares one right after another. Surley this can’t be good for the child and is the cause of the Attachment disorder. The child fearing that somthing else they get attached to will be taken from them. In reality everything has been taken from them even their freedom of choice. leaving them helpless and alone in a desporate situation that isn’t going to get better. In these cases the PTSD and Attachment disorder. Can be resolved by giving the child the choice to pick the lesser of the two evils. The so called Abusive parent/s or the current living conditions aka the System. Every body forgets the fact that the child has a mind of it’s own and has lived under both conditions and could make this decision what is in my best interests.
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