Question:
Hello All, Wow! I just downloaded 128 posts!!! I’ve got some serious reading/replying to do!!! This post is about sharing my being a multiple with my longtime girlfriend, Marty. We talked by phone on Friday last week and I told her. She took the news really well! Seems interested and desiring to learn more. We live a long ways away from one another, so every contact is by phone or email. She lives with Chris (female) and Galt (a male) and they’re all very close and loving ppl. All three of them are like close siblings to me, though admittingly, I’m a lot closer to Marty. Anyway, I shared and we’ve been emailing. Below is an email from her to me and my response. I guess I’m wanting to know if I’m sharing too much – too fast or if I’m missing something or being grossly unclear or whatever!!! I’ve never explained being a multiple to a friend before and the one person that I have explained stuff to, received a paycheck for it and already had psych education/training to aid her (t’pist). So, any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Some splats here and there…it begins with her having followed my suggestion to read the book, "The Flock" by Joan Frances Casey…thanks in advance ppl! I got the book.
Oh good! It was on the shelf at my library; I didn’t even have to request it from another branch. I read the first five chapters last night.
I told you that it was one of those engrossing books!!! I find myself getting confused with "us" in only one earthsuit, but I told myself not to struggle with understanding; that "getting it" will come with time.
Thank you for being soooooo patient with this and with yourself! I am also getting more of a handle on the amnesia factor, how one individual will sit back and watch from a distance, different aspects like those.
Yes! There is also complete amnesia, meaning that when one person is "out" dealing with the world (or circumstance), another or all the rest of us have no clue what is taking place. You can see how in a traumatic event, dissocation and amnesia is a wonderful coping mechanism! Who ~wants~ to be aware of cr*ppy stuff?! You see the creation of "alters" (or various personalities) results from trauma, these entities are created, sort of "custom fitted" to _deal_ with certain circumstances that the "original" or even an "alter" who’s already present may not be able to do. I picture it sometimes, like a relay race, where one person is handing off the baton to another to continue the race. The one taking over doesn’t know, in any any real way, what the one before had to deal with in the race, any more than what the first guy knows what the next portion of the race will be like bc they’re not running it. A common question for many "onlys" is, "Who decides who is going to handle this situation or that one?" Well, in some "known" situations like attending school, I do. I was created to "custom fit" the circumstance of attending school and being the one to be educated and be social, to deal with the outside world. My creation (first day of birth) was in September of 1965, on the first day of kindergarten. My recollection of this day is crystal clear! I can draw the room, describe the teachers, the colors used, what was on the main teacher’s desk and give (verbatim) what was said that day. I can do this with many days at school. I attended college, graduated and is to be the one to have the career. Custom-fit. This is true of everyone here, made to custom-fit whatever life dishes/ed out. In "unknown" situations, this is when it gets tricky and often, chaotic. Environment and personal history plays a strong role in both known-unknown situations about who is "out". "Triggers" are those things, or stimulus’ that can spark a particular person to emerge. Very, very much like PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and Vietnam Vets. Ex. Vet hears the backfire of a car and immediately is embroiled in a flashback, relating to the world "as though" they are in combat. With a multiple, a stimulus can "trigger" and bring about a) the sudden emergence of a custom-fit entity (person) to deal wth the situation in REAL time (this is called a "switch") or b) the sudden emergence of a custom-fit person in a total flashback in PAST time, just like a Vietnam Vet (also a "switch"). Bc, everyone here is of differing ages, these "switches" can quite literally mean that a "child entity" is now present, either dealing in real time or not, as in a past time in a flashback. Example: when I spoke with Galt, I knew (from previous times with him) that our freaked out 4 yr old might tweek. Still, sometimes she’s amnesiac and since she’s not aware of Galt (or any man) being around in these times, there’s no panic nor her emergence. I had/have no guarantee if she will or won’t, emerge. Men are a trigger for her and she reacts to this trigger and when she is amnesiac to Galt (or any other man) being around, then there’s not a problem (you can see here why "anxiety probs" might be present in multiples (or ppl with PTSD) due to experiences of lack of control, flashbacks, etc). I hope I didn’t just confuse you. My mind wrestles with some of it, but, again, I try not to strain and just wait for it to "click."
If you have any questions about aspects of the book, jot them down and send them along. I’ll try to clarify. Hi to Sarah.
Hello Ms. Menane. My thanks to you for being so patient in attempting to understand. You’re helping Sierra in so many ways. You’re a good friend, I can see that. Sarah Now, there was a "switch", Marty. Sarah is rather formal in her address of ppl. She calls everyone Mr. or Ms. or Mrs. or Dr. so and so. That would be an indicator for you that you are speaking with Sarah and not me. Tell me about Dante.
Dante is a 14 yr old male. He enjoys playing games, esp card games. He draws very well. Did I ever show you color art drawings? Very elaborate, color art drawings? These have been done by him over the years. I can draw, just not as well and nearly never in color. I usually draw in pencil (black and white). He’s jovial, a joker of a sort. He emerged, a few times that I know of, around you guys. We were playing Ping-Pong and Pictionary. All games (he just loves competition – hehehehe, typical guy, right?!). Drawing is his forte (one of his stimulus’ or triggers). He came onto the scene of life (created) somewhere between 2-3 years old and stopped growing up at 14. He never wanted/wants to grow up to be a man (he thinks men are "whacked", so he never wants to be one). If (when), he’s been "out" and a guy ~came on~ to him, thinking he was a "female" (being that he lives in a female body), he got/gets tweeked by it! To him, these guys are "h*mos"!!! He’s b*aten up some guys for ~coming on~ to him!!! : o) In general, Dante is an easygoing fellow and is harmless. I like to think of him as somebody who just simply caught and holds the innocence of teenhood for us. You know, the fun, daredevil, jokester, competitive in games, Self. He’s also the "protector" of the little ones here (lily, Hope, our freaked out 4 yr old who cries a lot and little boy me). Ferociously protective!!! If anyone wants access to them, they have to go through Dante to get it! The therapist (t’pist for short) had a h*ll of a time convincing Dante she would do them no harm! He grilled her intensely for her motives and what she would do with them…all of this TO MAKE SURE that she wouldn’t do anything that would even remotely harm them. He’s hard to convince! He let her meet our freaked out 4 yr old and lily for FIVE minutes each and only ONCE. I can’t even access them like he can!!! (this next part is about a phone call in June or August that Shadow participated in) I was thinking more about the telephone conversation that I’m pretty sure I was having with Shadow (a few months ago when Aubrey was moving to her dad’s).
That was a very hairy, chaotic time! Would Shadow have responded well if (had I known at that time) I had expressed love and support directly to her?
Umm, Shadow is "securely locked" in one focus, s**cide-d*ath. It’s her entire focus. Your question is a good one, Marty. I’m sort of stunned by it, stunned that you are so adept at seeing how your love and support was to be for her if both she and you knew. Wow! Gives me a body tingle. I suspect that she wouldn’t care (she cares about no one, not even herself). I also suspect that she would have a difficult time understanding why you would love and support her, or that you would love and support her being here. I understand your love and support of me bc I know you and have bonded with you. Shadow has never bonded with anyone, so "closeness, affection, love, support" is not a part of her experience. I believe that this is why you (and t’pist) experience an inability to "reach" her, while I (being encased at a distance) freak out bc with you a) you’re my friend and I didn’t want to lose you and b) fear that Shadow, while "out", would act and we’d all be d*ad as a result, esp since I WAS upset about Aubrey leaving and being in so much despair myself, "despair" IS Shadow’s state of being. When I feel (or others) experience this emotion, it "triggers" her and her state of being, i.e. "s**cid*lity". Are you co-conscious with Shadow; can Sierra dialog with her?
I (Sierra) have, but a few seconds of co-c with Shadow, the same is true with Kathryn (the original here). My attempts to "extend" this few seconds of co-c with either one of them has been unsuccessful. Both Shadow and Kathryn have, very rarely in lif/ves (like with you and this phone call), related on the outside, with another – the therapist that we are currently terminating with (terminating bc she is not skilled enough to work with a multiple). Through working with these two, the therapist realized that she … read more »
Response:
Sierra wrote (respond below) Hello All, Wow! I just downloaded 128 posts!!! I’ve got some serious reading/replying to do!!! This post is about sharing my being a multiple with my longtime girlfriend, Marty. We talked by phone on Friday last week and I told her. She took the news really well! Seems interested and desiring to learn more. We live a long ways away from one another, so every contact is by phone or email. She lives with Chris (female) and Galt (a male) and they’re all very close and loving ppl. All three of them are like close siblings to me, though admittingly, I’m a lot closer to Marty. Anyway, I shared and we’ve been emailing. Below is an email from her to me and my response. I guess I’m wanting to know if I’m sharing too much – too fast or if I’m missing something or being grossly unclear or whatever!!! I’ve never explained being a multiple to a friend before and the one person that I have explained stuff to, received a paycheck for it and already had psych education/training to aid her (t’pist). So, any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Some splats here and there…it begins with her having followed my suggestion to read the book, "The Flock" by Joan Frances Casey…thanks in advance ppl! I got the book.
Oh good! It was on the shelf at my library; I didn’t even have to request it from another branch. I read the first five chapters last night.
I told you that it was one of those engrossing books!!! I find myself getting confused with "us" in only one earthsuit, but I told myself not to struggle with understanding; that "getting it" will come with time.
Thank you for being soooooo patient with this and with yourself! I am also getting more of a handle on the amnesia factor, how one individual will sit back and watch from a distance, different aspects like those.
Yes! There is also complete amnesia, meaning that when one person is "out" dealing with the world (or circumstance), another or all the rest of us have no clue what is taking place. You can see how in a traumatic event, dissocation and amnesia is a wonderful coping mechanism! Who ~wants~ to be aware of cr*ppy stuff?! You see the creation of "alters" (or various personalities) results from trauma, these entities are created, sort of "custom fitted" to _deal_ with certain circumstances that the "original" or even an "alter" who’s already present may not be able to do. I picture it sometimes, like a relay race, where one person is handing off the baton to another to continue the race. The one taking over doesn’t know, in any any real way, what the one before had to deal with in the race, any more than what the first guy knows what the next portion of the race will be like bc they’re not running it. A common question for many "onlys" is, "Who decides who is going to handle this situation or that one?" Well, in some "known" situations like attending school, I do. I was created to "custom fit" the circumstance of attending school and being the one to be educated and be social, to deal with the outside world. My creation (first day of birth) was in September of 1965, on the first day of kindergarten. My recollection of this day is crystal clear! I can draw the room, describe the teachers, the colors used, what was on the main teacher’s desk and give (verbatim) what was said that day. I can do this with many days at school. I attended college, graduated and is to be the one to have the career. Custom-fit. This is true of everyone here, made to custom-fit whatever life dishes/ed out. In "unknown" situations, this is when it gets tricky and often, chaotic. Environment and personal history plays a strong role in both known-unknown situations about who is "out". "Triggers" are those things, or stimulus’ that can spark a particular person to emerge. Very, very much like PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and Vietnam Vets. Ex. Vet hears the backfire of a car and immediately is embroiled in a flashback, relating to the world "as though" they are in combat. With a multiple, a stimulus can "trigger" and bring about a) the sudden emergence of a custom-fit entity (person) to deal wth the situation in REAL time (this is called a "switch") or b) the sudden emergence of a custom-fit person in a total flashback in PAST time, just like a Vietnam Vet (also a "switch"). Bc, everyone here is of differing ages, these "switches" can quite literally mean that a "child entity" is now present, either dealing in real time or not, as in a past time in a flashback. Example: when I spoke with Galt, I knew (from previous times with him) that our freaked out 4 yr old might tweek. Still, sometimes she’s amnesiac and since she’s not aware of Galt (or any man) being around in these times, there’s no panic nor her emergence. I had/have no guarantee if she will or won’t, emerge. Men are a trigger for her and she reacts to this trigger and when she is amnesiac to Galt (or any other man) being around, then there’s not a problem (you can see here why "anxiety probs" might be present in multiples (or ppl with PTSD) due to experiences of lack of control, flashbacks, etc). I hope I didn’t just confuse you. My mind wrestles with some of it, but, again, I try not to strain and just wait for it to "click."
If you have any questions about aspects of the book, jot them down and send them along. I’ll try to clarify. Hi to Sarah.
Hello Ms. Menane. My thanks to you for being so patient in attempting to understand. You’re helping Sierra in so many ways. You’re a good friend, I can see that. Sarah Now, there was a "switch", Marty. Sarah is rather formal in her address of ppl. She calls everyone Mr. or Ms. or Mrs. or Dr. so and so. That would be an indicator for you that you are speaking with Sarah and not me. Tell me about Dante.
Dante is a 14 yr old male. He enjoys playing games, esp card games. He draws very well. Did I ever show you color art drawings? Very elaborate, color art drawings? These have been done by him over the years. I can draw, just not as well and nearly never in color. I usually draw in pencil (black and white). He’s jovial, a joker of a sort. He emerged, a few times that I know of, around you guys. We were playing Ping-Pong and Pictionary. All games (he just loves competition – hehehehe, typical guy, right?!). Drawing is his forte (one of his stimulus’ or triggers). He came onto the scene of life (created) somewhere between 2-3 years old and stopped growing up at 14. He never wanted/wants to grow up to be a man (he thinks men are "whacked", so he never wants to be one). If (when), he’s been "out" and a guy ~came on~ to him, thinking he was a "female" (being that he lives in a female body), he got/gets tweeked by it! To him, these guys are "h*mos"!!! He’s b*aten up some guys for ~coming on~ to him!!! : o) In general, Dante is an easygoing fellow and is harmless. I like to think of him as somebody who just simply caught and holds the innocence of teenhood for us. You know, the fun, daredevil, jokester, competitive in games, Self. He’s also the "protector" of the little ones here (lily, Hope, our freaked out 4 yr old who cries a lot and little boy me). Ferociously protective!!! If anyone wants access to them, they have to go through Dante to get it! The therapist (t’pist for short) had a h*ll of a time convincing Dante she would do them no harm! He grilled her intensely for her motives and what she would do with them…all of this TO MAKE SURE that she wouldn’t do anything that would even remotely harm them. He’s hard to convince! He let her meet our freaked out 4 yr old and lily for FIVE minutes each and only ONCE. I can’t even access them like he can!!! (this next part is about a phone call in June or August that Shadow participated in) I was thinking more about the telephone conversation that I’m pretty sure I was having with Shadow (a few months ago when Aubrey was moving to her dad’s).
That was a very hairy, chaotic time! Would Shadow have responded well if (had I known at that time) I had expressed love and support directly to her?
Umm, Shadow is "securely locked" in one focus, s**cide-d*ath. It’s her entire focus. Your question is a good one, Marty. I’m sort of stunned by it, stunned that you are so adept at seeing how your love and support was to be for her if both she and you knew. Wow! Gives me a body tingle. I suspect that she wouldn’t care (she cares about no one, not even herself). I also suspect that she would have a difficult time understanding why you would love and support her, or that you would love and support her being here. I understand your love and support of me bc I know you and have bonded with you. Shadow has never bonded with anyone, so "closeness, affection, love, support" is not a part of her experience. I believe that this is why you (and t’pist) experience an inability to "reach" her, while I (being encased at a distance) freak out bc with you a) you’re my friend and I didn’t want to lose you and b) fear that Shadow, while "out", would act and we’d all be d*ad as a result, esp since I WAS upset about Aubrey leaving and being in so much despair myself, "despair" IS Shadow’s state of being. When I feel (or others) experience this emotion, it "triggers" her and her state of being, i.e. "s**cid*lity". Are you co-conscious with Shadow; can Sierra dialog with her?
I (Sierra) have, but a few seconds of co-c with Shadow, the same is true with Kathryn (the original here). My attempts to "extend" this few seconds of co-c with either one of them has been unsuccessful. Both Shadow and Kathryn have, very rarely in lif/ves (like with you and this phone call), related on the outside, with another – the therapist that we are currently terminating with (terminating bc she is not skilled enough to work with a multiple). Through working with these two, the
… read more »
Response:
wow.
My sentiments exactly! you are so lucky.
I ~feel~ lucky! your friends sound so special and caring and REAL.
They are! i told a couple people lat year and i wish i hadn’t.
I’m sorry, willow. I can understand feeling disappointed when ppl don’t respond the ways in which you want them too. : o( Feel like talking about it? i wish my experience was more like yours so far.
I feel very fortunate. I took a huge risk and so far, it’s been great. Truthfully though, I’m waiting for the other shoe to fall! Seems too good to be true! But, maybe not. I’m open to see if it could really be possible…to have ppl who I don’t pay to support me and TN in this. Sierra of TN
Response:
wow. you are so lucky. your friends sound so special and caring and REAL. i told a couple people lat year and i wish i hadn’t. i wish my experience was more like yours so far. — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:
Response:
Hello All, Wow! I just downloaded 128 posts!!! I’ve got some serious reading/replying to do!!! This post is about sharing my being a multiple with my longtime girlfriend, Marty. We talked by phone on Friday last week and I told her. She took the news really well! Seems interested and desiring to learn more. We live a long ways away from one another, so every contact is by phone or email. She lives with Chris (female) and Galt (a male) and they’re all very close and loving ppl. All three of them are like close siblings to me, though admittingly, I’m a lot closer to Marty. Anyway, I shared and we’ve been emailing. Below is an email from her to me and my response. I guess I’m wanting to know if I’m sharing too much – too fast or if I’m missing something or being grossly unclear or whatever!!! I’ve never explained being a multiple to a friend before and the one person that I have explained stuff to, received a paycheck for it and already had psych education/training to aid her (t’pist). So, any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Some splats here and there…it begins with her having followed my suggestion to read the book, "The Flock" by Joan Frances Casey…thanks in advance ppl! I got the book.
Oh good! It was on the shelf at my library; I didn’t even have to request it from another branch. I read the first five chapters last night.
I told you that it was one of those engrossing books!!! I find myself getting confused with "us" in only one earthsuit, but I told myself not to struggle with understanding; that "getting it" will come with time.
Thank you for being soooooo patient with this and with yourself! I am also getting more of a handle on the amnesia factor, how one individual will sit back and watch from a distance, different aspects like those.
Yes! There is also complete amnesia, meaning that when one person is "out" dealing with the world (or circumstance), another or all the rest of us have no clue what is taking place. You can see how in a traumatic event, dissocation and amnesia is a wonderful coping mechanism! Who ~wants~ to be aware of cr*ppy stuff?! You see the creation of "alters" (or various personalities) results from trauma, these entities are created, sort of "custom fitted" to _deal_ with certain circumstances that the "original" or even an "alter" who’s already present may not be able to do. I picture it sometimes, like a relay race, where one person is handing off the baton to another to continue the race. The one taking over doesn’t know, in any any real way, what the one before had to deal with in the race, any more than what the first guy knows what the next portion of the race will be like bc they’re not running it. A common question for many "onlys" is, "Who decides who is going to handle this situation or that one?" Well, in some "known" situations like attending school, I do. I was created to "custom fit" the circumstance of attending school and being the one to be educated and be social, to deal with the outside world. My creation (first day of birth) was in September of 1965, on the first day of kindergarten. My recollection of this day is crystal clear! I can draw the room, describe the teachers, the colors used, what was on the main teacher’s desk and give (verbatim) what was said that day. I can do this with many days at school. I attended college, graduated and is to be the one to have the career. Custom-fit. This is true of everyone here, made to custom-fit whatever life dishes/ed out. In "unknown" situations, this is when it gets tricky and often, chaotic. Environment and personal history plays a strong role in both known-unknown situations about who is "out". "Triggers" are those things, or stimulus’ that can spark a particular person to emerge. Very, very much like PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and Vietnam Vets. Ex. Vet hears the backfire of a car and immediately is embroiled in a flashback, relating to the world "as though" they are in combat. With a multiple, a stimulus can "trigger" and bring about a) the sudden emergence of a custom-fit entity (person) to deal wth the situation in REAL time (this is called a "switch") or b) the sudden emergence of a custom-fit person in a total flashback in PAST time, just like a Vietnam Vet (also a "switch"). Bc, everyone here is of differing ages, these "switches" can quite literally mean that a "child entity" is now present, either dealing in real time or not, as in a past time in a flashback. Example: when I spoke with Galt, I knew (from previous times with him) that our freaked out 4 yr old might tweek. Still, sometimes she’s amnesiac and since she’s not aware of Galt (or any man) being around in these times, there’s no panic nor her emergence. I had/have no guarantee if she will or won’t, emerge. Men are a trigger for her and she reacts to this trigger and when she is amnesiac to Galt (or any other man) being around, then there’s not a problem (you can see here why "anxiety probs" might be present in multiples (or ppl with PTSD) due to experiences of lack of control, flashbacks, etc). I hope I didn’t just confuse you. My mind wrestles with some of it, but, again, I try not to strain and just wait for it to "click."
If you have any questions about aspects of the book, jot them down and send them along. I’ll try to clarify. Hi to Sarah.
Hello Ms. M______. My thanks to you for being so patient in attempting to understand. You’re helping Sierra in so many ways. You’re a good friend, I can see that. Sarah Now, there was a "switch", Marty. Sarah is rather formal in her address of ppl. She calls everyone Mr. or Ms. or Mrs. or Dr. so and so. That would be an indicator for you that you are speaking with Sarah and not me. Tell me about Dante.
Dante is a 14 yr old male. He enjoys playing games, esp card games. He draws very well. Did I ever show you color art drawings? Very elaborate, color art drawings? These have been done by him over the years. I can draw, just not as well and nearly never in color. I usually draw in pencil (black and white). He’s jovial, a joker of a sort. He emerged, a few times that I know of, around you guys. We were playing Ping-Pong and Pictionary. All games (he just loves competition – hehehehe, typical guy, right?!). Drawing is his forte (one of his stimulus’ or triggers). He came onto the scene of life (created) somewhere between 2-3 years old and stopped growing up at 14. He never wanted/wants to grow up to be a man (he thinks men are "whacked", so he never wants to be one). If (when), he’s been "out" and a guy ~came on~ to him, thinking he was a "female" (being that he lives in a female body), he got/gets tweeked by it! To him, these guys are "h*mos"!!! He’s b*aten up some guys for ~coming on~ to him!!! : o) In general, Dante is an easygoing fellow and is harmless. I like to think of him as somebody who just simply caught and holds the innocence of teenhood for us. You know, the fun, daredevil, jokester, competitive in games, Self. He’s also the "protector" of the little ones here (lily, Hope, our freaked out 4 yr old who cries a lot and little boy me). Ferociously protective!!! If anyone wants access to them, they have to go through Dante to get it! The therapist (t’pist for short) had a h*ll of a time convincing Dante she would do them no harm! He grilled her intensely for her motives and what she would do with them…all of this TO MAKE SURE that she wouldn’t do anything that would even remotely harm them. He’s hard to convince! He let her meet our freaked out 4 yr old and lily for FIVE minutes each and only ONCE. I can’t even access them like he can!!! (this next part is about a phone call in June or August that Shadow participated in) I was thinking more about the telephone conversation that I’m pretty sure I was having with Shadow (a few months ago when Aubrey was moving to her dad’s).
That was a very hairy, chaotic time! Would Shadow have responded well if (had I known at that time) I had expressed love and support directly to her?
Umm, Shadow is "securely locked" in one focus, s**cide-d*ath. It’s her entire focus. Your question is a good one, Marty. I’m sort of stunned by it, stunned that you are so adept at seeing how your love and support was to be for her if both she and you knew. Wow! Gives me a body tingle. I suspect that she wouldn’t care (she cares about no one, not even herself). I also suspect that she would have a difficult time understanding why you would love and support her, or that you would love and support her being here. I understand your love and support of me bc I know you and have bonded with you. Shadow has never bonded with anyone, so "closeness, affection, love, support" is not a part of her experience. I believe that this is why you (and t’pist) experience an inability to "reach" her, while I (being encased at a distance) freak out bc with you a) you’re my friend and I didn’t want to lose you and b) fear that Shadow, while "out", would act and we’d all be d*ad as a result, esp since I WAS upset about Aubrey leaving and being in so much despair myself, "despair" IS Shadow’s state of being. When I feel (or others) experience this emotion, it "triggers" her and her state of being, i.e. "s**cid*lity". Are you co-conscious with Shadow; can Sierra dialog with her?
I (Sierra) have, but a few seconds of co-c with Shadow, the same is true with Kathryn (the original here). My attempts to "extend" this few seconds of co-c with either one of them has been unsuccessful. Both Shadow and Kathryn have, very rarely in lif/ves (like with you and this phone call), related on the outside, with another – the therapist that we are currently terminating with (terminating bc she is not skilled enough to work with a multiple). Through working with these two, the therapist realized that she … read more »
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hello All, Wow! I just downloaded 128 posts!!! I’ve got some serious reading/replying to do!!! This post is about sharing my being a multiple with my longtime girlfriend, Marty. We talked by phone on Friday last week and I told her. She took the news really well! Seems interested and desiring to learn more. We live a long ways away from one another, so every contact is by phone or email. She lives with Chris (female) and Galt (a male) and they’re all very close and loving ppl. All three of them are like close siblings to me, though admittingly, I’m a lot closer to Marty. Anyway, I shared and we’ve been emailing. Below is an email from her to me and my response. I guess I’m wanting to know if I’m sharing too much – too fast or if I’m missing something or being grossly unclear or whatever!!! I’ve never explained being a multiple to a friend before and the one person that I have explained stuff to, received a paycheck for it and already had psych education/training to aid her (t’pist).
FWIW, I’ve had a similar experience in telling an old friend who lives far away. She and I had a similar sort of conversation and she even asked many of the same questions. I ended up deciding to tell what I was comfortable with. She ended up deciding to ask questions when she was confused. One thing to remember is that it is totally ok to say ‘I don’t want to answer that’ if she asks something that makes you uncomfortable. You might want to explain that you feel uncomfortable answering that or whatever so she doesn’t think you are blowing her off 
And I firmly believe that if this person is truly a good friend of yours this will just help her to feel even more close to you and it will just strengthen your relationship. That is what happened with my friend and I. She even ended up quessing at who we all were (didn’t know names but knew who each of us were:) and interacting with all of us in a very healthy way. This took some time however. She was the first person to point out that regardless if we were individual colors of the rainbow or all one big blended mixture we were all still around and still vital to the working of the system. She basically said (without knowing she was saying it:) that how we were was just fine with her. Pieces or not Rainbow Colors (Jill) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -So, any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Some splats here and there…it begins with her having followed my suggestion to read the book, "The Flock" by Joan Frances Casey…thanks in advance ppl! I got the book. Oh good! It was on the shelf at my library; I didn’t even have to request it from another branch. I read the first five chapters last night. I told you that it was one of those engrossing books!!! I find myself getting confused with "us" in only one earthsuit, but I told myself not to struggle with understanding; that "getting it" will come with time. Thank you for being soooooo patient with this and with yourself! I am also getting more of a handle on the amnesia factor, how one individual will sit back and watch from a distance, different aspects like those. Yes! There is also complete amnesia, meaning that when one person is "out" dealing with the world (or circumstance), another or all the rest of us have no clue what is taking place. You can see how in a traumatic event, dissocation and amnesia is a wonderful coping mechanism! Who ~wants~ to be aware of cr*ppy stuff?! You see the creation of "alters" (or various personalities) results from trauma, these entities are created, sort of "custom fitted" to _deal_ with certain circumstances that the "original" or even an "alter" who’s already present may not be able to do. I picture it sometimes, like a relay race, where one person is handing off the baton to another to continue the race. The one taking over doesn’t know, in any any real way, what the one before had to deal with in the race, any more than what the first guy knows what the next portion of the race will be like bc they’re not running it. A common question for many "onlys" is, "Who decides who is going to handle this situation or that one?" Well, in some "known" situations like attending school, I do. I was created to "custom fit" the circumstance of attending school and being the one to be educated and be social, to deal with the outside world. My creation (first day of birth) was in September of 1965, on the first day of kindergarten. My recollection of this day is crystal clear! I can draw the room, describe the teachers, the colors used, what was on the main teacher’s desk and give (verbatim) what was said that day. I can do this with many days at school. I attended college, graduated and is to be the one to have the career. Custom-fit. This is true of everyone here, made to custom-fit whatever life dishes/ed out. In "unknown" situations, this is when it gets tricky and often, chaotic. Environment and personal history plays a strong role in both known-unknown situations about who is "out". "Triggers" are those things, or stimulus’ that can spark a particular person to emerge. Very, very much like PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and Vietnam Vets. Ex. Vet hears the backfire of a car and immediately is embroiled in a flashback, relating to the world "as though" they are in combat. With a multiple, a stimulus can "trigger" and bring about a) the sudden emergence of a custom-fit entity (person) to deal wth the situation in REAL time (this is called a "switch") or b) the sudden emergence of a custom-fit person in a total flashback in PAST time, just like a Vietnam Vet (also a "switch"). Bc, everyone here is of differing ages, these "switches" can quite literally mean that a "child entity" is now present, either dealing in real time or not, as in a past time in a flashback. Example: when I spoke with Galt, I knew (from previous times with him) that our freaked out 4 yr old might tweek. Still, sometimes she’s amnesiac and since she’s not aware of Galt (or any man) being around in these times, there’s no panic nor her emergence. I had/have no guarantee if she will or won’t, emerge. Men are a trigger for her and she reacts to this trigger and when she is amnesiac to Galt (or any other man) being around, then there’s not a problem (you can see here why "anxiety probs" might be present in multiples (or ppl with PTSD) due to experiences of lack of control, flashbacks, etc). I hope I didn’t just confuse you. My mind wrestles with some of it, but, again, I try not to strain and just wait for it to "click." If you have any questions about aspects of the book, jot them down and send them along. I’ll try to clarify. Hi to Sarah. Hello Ms. Menane. My thanks to you for being so patient in attempting to understand. You’re helping Sierra in so many ways. You’re a good friend, I can see that. Sarah Now, there was a "switch", Marty. Sarah is rather formal in her address of ppl. She calls everyone Mr. or Ms. or Mrs. or Dr. so and so. That would be an indicator for you that you are speaking with Sarah and not me. Tell me about Dante. Dante is a 14 yr old male. He enjoys playing games, esp card games. He draws very well. Did I ever show you color art drawings? Very elaborate, color art drawings? These have been done by him over the years. I can draw, just not as well and nearly never in color. I usually draw in pencil (black and white). He’s jovial, a joker of a sort. He emerged, a few times that I know of, around you guys. We were playing Ping-Pong and Pictionary. All games (he just loves competition – hehehehe, typical guy, right?!). Drawing is his forte (one of his stimulus’ or triggers). He came onto the scene of life (created) somewhere between 2-3 years old and stopped growing up at 14. He never wanted/wants to grow up to be a man (he thinks men are "whacked", so he never wants to be one). If (when), he’s been "out" and a guy ~came on~ to him, thinking he was a "female" (being that he lives in a female body), he got/gets tweeked by it! To him, these guys are "h*mos"!!! He’s b*aten up some guys for ~coming on~ to him!!! : o) In general, Dante is an easygoing fellow and is harmless. I like to think of him as somebody who just simply caught and holds the innocence of teenhood for us. You know, the fun, daredevil, jokester, competitive in games, Self. He’s also the "protector" of the little ones here (lily, Hope, our freaked out 4 yr old who cries a lot and little boy me). Ferociously protective!!! If anyone wants access to them, they have to go through Dante to get it! The therapist (t’pist for short) had a h*ll of a time convincing Dante she would do them no harm! He grilled her intensely for her motives and what she would do with them…all of this TO MAKE SURE that she wouldn’t do anything that would even remotely harm them. He’s hard to convince! He let her meet our freaked out 4 yr old and lily for FIVE minutes each and only ONCE. I can’t even access them like he can!!! (this next part is about a phone call in June or August that Shadow participated in) I was thinking more about the telephone conversation that I’m pretty sure I was having with Shadow (a few months ago when Aubrey was moving to her dad’s). That was a very hairy, chaotic time! Would Shadow have responded well if (had I known at that time) I had expressed love and support directly to her? Umm, Shadow is "securely locked" in one focus, s**cide-d*ath. It’s her entire focus. Your question is a good one, Marty. I’m sort of stunned by it, stunned that you are so adept at seeing how your love and support was to be for her if both she and you knew. Wow! Gives me a body
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Response:
Hello Jill. Thanks for respond’g. : o) FWIW, I’ve had a similar experience in telling an old friend who lives far away. She and I had a similar sort of conversation and she even asked many of the same questions. I ended up deciding to tell what I was comfortable with. She ended up deciding to ask questions when she was confused. One thing to remember is that it is totally ok to say ‘I don’t want to answer that’ if she asks something that makes you uncomfortable. You might want to explain that you feel uncomfortable answering that or whatever so she doesn’t think you are blowing her off
Good suggestion. I’ll remember this one for sure! And I firmly believe that if this person is truly a good friend of yours this will just help her to feel even more close to you and it will just strengthen your relationship.
My friend has that she feels closer to me than ever before. I must admit that this is a first, a first that anyone’s ever said anything like this to me. That is what happened with my friend and I. She even ended up quessing at who we all were (didn’t know names but knew who each of us were:) and interacting with all of us in a very healthy way. This took some time however.
I’m trying to pace myself, TN and my friends with this exposure. Time is definitely going to be a large factor in this. She was the first person to point out that regardless if we were individual colors of the rainbow or all one big blended mixture we were all still around and still vital to the working of the system. She basically said (without knowing she was saying it:) that how we were was just fine with her. Pieces or not
Sounds nice the way things turned out for RC with this friend. I’m hoping that the growth and friendship with my friends will not be changed dramatically with this new insight. Thanks again for respond’g, Jill. Sierra of TN
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