Question:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hello everyone. Well I have been monitoring this group for a few weeks. I was diagnosed being a manic depressant, when I was 20 years old. I’m 25 now. I was mainly diagnosed, becasue I tried to kill myself with sleeping pills. Man did that shit hurt! I was throwing up blood and …. Well anyway I won’t try that again. It was my second try, my first was as a teenger. It all stems down to my family situation. Let me break it down for ya. My parents were married in their early 20’s, then got a divorce. My mom had a daughter by a previous husband. My dad never claimed me as his. She shipped me to Florida for a few years. She was trying to get her life together. When I came back to VA at around three. I had a little brother. Well the story takes a turn. I’m the middle child. My so called Dad, never paid child support and his parents pressured my mom into letting them adopt me. Well they adopted me when I was 4. They were at the age of 51. I heard that the middle child was supposed to be the strongets of the off spring. Well I lived with them. My sperm doner who I never recalled as my father came by often to his paernts. I was just a nobody to him. I later found out around the age of 10 that I was adopted. I thought it was temporary. Well I also had my dad pull me out of school with him and his wife to do blood test. Never found out actual results. My environment at my grandparents/parents, was like a living hell. I was constantly verbally abused. I was beaten for piddly things. Not a day went buy that I wasn’t called stupid or some other demoralizing name. Well al of this finally caught up with me. I was always considered a bright student, athletic, handsome, and shy. The worst thing for me was to have someone come over and brag about what they did for their kids, and seeing my brother and sister on holidays. Why me? My adopted parents idea was to send me off into the militart upon graduating high school. I was told this early on in high school. I went from a B student to a C studen, from there on. Now remember I was faced with countless abuse everyday. I lived to leave the house. I played football and ran tarck. Luckly I was good enough to receive a scholarship to school. I literally grew up all alone. I never showed them my report cards, since 9th grade. I never did good enough for them. Can a BiPolar person be good in athletics? Well anyway I always thought I was good in running, because I use it as an outlet to releave stress. I wish sometimes that I grew up in an adopted family where I didn’t know anyone. I feel alienated now as an adult. It’s not very healthy to see your parents and or siblings and not being able to be with them. me and my brother barely know each other, my sister ended up as a crackhead. Well my fresshman year in college I had a class that we had to write a paper on "Who am I?" This paper truly stumped me. I had always had my ups and downs emotionally. never knowing all along I was suffering from a Bipolar disorder. Then there was that one day when I felt i couldn’t take it anymore. I took the pills. I didn’t know if I wanted to die, I just wanted a way out. I survived my atempt and wrote my birth mom a real nasty letter for giving me away. I described how I tried to kill myself. I soon was trown into the local hospital and up to the psycho ward. I stayed for 10 days. I had numerous counseling sessions and found out alot about my self. Well this just happened to be my sophomore year in school, 3rd year after a transfer, so I had to dop classes. I tolds the counselors about my home environment andmy a-parents said things would change. Well that was when I was 21. Things never ever changed. I had to constantly live under this abuse. trying to finish a degree. I would sometimes g to class and be afraid to go home. Also since I was bipolar, I always had the ups around the start of the semester and the downs at the end. I often had classes where I had A’s in and eneded up with C’s and D’s. This was mainly due to arguements at home pullinmg me down for a while. My school never assigned a counselor to me to check on me after hospital stay. So for 2 years I went around in the circle of academia, and now a senior that’s been out a year to money problems, because I moved out a year ago. I was wondering about the school thing. Would they be able to help me when I go back. By the way since I moved out, it has felt good not to here the repetative insults and abuse. Anyway, I went back to counseling 2 years ago, and I had to stop because I ran out of money. I think I need to go back on meds. I think I was taking Zoloft. I have the feelings that I can sometimes conquer the world. Do anything. Well I also make impulsive decisions when in this state of mind. It recently cost me a job. My friends look up to me, because I ‘m so gifted in stuff. Only if they knew the swirl that my brain was going through. I’m in a down state now. I found out in March that my a-parents had some large somes of money in the bank. They used to tell me they could afford to send me to college. They also recently bought a new Cadillac. All this is fucking mind games. I could be finish school now, if they just got up off some mponey. I hurts like hell to be almost there, but not. I haven’t talked to them since March. The betrayed me. All I wanted was an education. Now I leave alone and have to fend for myself. I spend holidays alone. Well what should I do. I contemplating asking them to take me off there WILL for the college money. That’s all I want. Just one more year. Is that evil? someone help me please? advice? lost soul
Hello There, First off I would like to say that I am sorry for the way you have been treated all your life. I just cannot understand why adults abuse children, both physically and mentally. I think the mental abuse can be so much worse. I am 36 and have been fighting depression since I was 12. Saying that you were "depressed or feeling empty or crying all the time" in the early 70’s just didn’t fit into the society here. My parents were very hard working and I lived in a very loving home, but they just didn’t understand that I was dying inside. I was overweight growing up and my mom would always say that it was because I was overweight but that I had a pretty face and that someday someone would come along. I didn’t need somebody SOMEDAY, I needed somebody then. I didn’t do anything about the depression until I was 18 and working. I also tried twice to kill myself and landed in a hospital on the second try. While in the hospital I was diagnosed Rapid Bi-Polar Cyclic Disorder. My ups and down change as many as 8 times a day. A year ago I had a nervous breakdown and haven’t worked since and was diagnosed also with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, stemming from being raped twice in the past 10 years. Please know that I understand what you are going through. YES, I most definitely think that you should pursue your education. You should be able to get some kind of financial aid through the college. Also, go to the local mental health clinic and get hooked up with a therapist and a pdoc. You can get good help there, I know. I wish you much look. Keep focusing on the good and know that there is hope. Lucinda
Response:
Hello everyone. Well I have been monitoring this group for a few weeks. I was diagnosed being a manic depressant, when I was 20 years old. I’m 25 now. I was mainly diagnosed, becasue I tried to kill myself with sleeping pills. Man did that shit hurt! I was throwing up blood and …. Well anyway I won’t try that again. It was my second try, my first was as a teenger. It all stems down to my family situation. Let me break it down for ya. My parents were married in their early 20’s, then got a divorce. My mom had a daughter by a previous husband. My dad never claimed me as his. She shipped me to Florida for a few years. She was trying to get her life together. When I came back to VA at around three. I had a little brother. Well the story takes a turn. I’m the middle child. My so called Dad, never paid child support and his parents pressured my mom into letting them adopt me. Well they adopted me when I was 4. They were at the age of 51. I heard that the middle child was supposed to be the strongets of the off spring. Well I lived with them. My sperm doner who I never recalled as my father came by often to his paernts. I was just a nobody to him. I later found out around the age of 10 that I was adopted. I thought it was temporary. Well I also had my dad pull me out of school with him and his wife to do blood test. Never found out actual results. My environment at my grandparents/parents, was like a living hell. I was constantly verbally abused. I was beaten for piddly things. Not a day went buy that I wasn’t called stupid or some other demoralizing name. Well al of this finally caught up with me. I was always considered a bright student, athletic, handsome, and shy. The worst thing for me was to have someone come over and brag about what they did for their kids, and seeing my brother and sister on holidays. Why me? My adopted parents idea was to send me off into the militart upon graduating high school. I was told this early on in high school. I went from a B student to a C studen, from there on. Now remember I was faced with countless abuse everyday. I lived to leave the house. I played football and ran tarck. Luckly I was good enough to receive a scholarship to school. I literally grew up all alone. I never showed them my report cards, since 9th grade. I never did good enough for them. Can a BiPolar person be good in athletics? Well anyway I always thought I was good in running, because I use it as an outlet to releave stress. I wish sometimes that I grew up in an adopted family where I didn’t know anyone. I feel alienated now as an adult. It’s not very healthy to see your parents and or siblings and not being able to be with them. me and my brother barely know each other, my sister ended up as a crackhead. Well my fresshman year in college I had a class that we had to write a paper on "Who am I?" This paper truly stumped me. I had always had my ups and downs emotionally. never knowing all along I was suffering from a Bipolar disorder. Then there was that one day when I felt i couldn’t take it anymore. I took the pills. I didn’t know if I wanted to die, I just wanted a way out. I survived my atempt and wrote my birth mom a real nasty letter for giving me away. I described how I tried to kill myself. I soon was trown into the local hospital and up to the psycho ward. I stayed for 10 days. I had numerous counseling sessions and found out alot about my self. Well this just happened to be my sophomore year in school, 3rd year after a transfer, so I had to dop classes. I tolds the counselors about my home environment andmy a-parents said things would change. Well that was when I was 21. Things never ever changed. I had to constantly live under this abuse. trying to finish a degree. I would sometimes g to class and be afraid to go home. Also since I was bipolar, I always had the ups around the start of the semester and the downs at the end. I often had classes where I had A’s in and eneded up with C’s and D’s. This was mainly due to arguements at home pullinmg me down for a while. My school never assigned a counselor to me to check on me after hospital stay. So for 2 years I went around in the circle of academia, and now a senior that’s been out a year to money problems, because I moved out a year ago. I was wondering about the school thing. Would they be able to help me when I go back. By the way since I moved out, it has felt good not to here the repetative insults and abuse. Anyway, I went back to counseling 2 years ago, and I had to stop because I ran out of money. I think I need to go back on meds. I think I was taking Zoloft. I have the feelings that I can sometimes conquer the world. Do anything. Well I also make impulsive decisions when in this state of mind. It recently cost me a job. My friends look up to me, because I ‘m so gifted in stuff. Only if they knew the swirl that my brain was going through. I’m in a down state now. I found out in March that my a-parents had some large somes of money in the bank. They used to tell me they could afford to send me to college. They also recently bought a new Cadillac. All this is fucking mind games. I could be finish school now, if they just got up off some mponey. I hurts like hell to be almost there, but not. I haven’t talked to them since March. The betrayed me. All I wanted was an education. Now I leave alone and have to fend for myself. I spend holidays alone. Well what should I do. I contemplating asking them to take me off there WILL for the college money. That’s all I want. Just one more year. Is that evil? someone help me please? advice? lost soul
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