Question:
Galin Deiseal wrote: > However, I touched an aspect here that I cannot work on alone because it > goes too deep. I could only mention superficial issues and thoughts relating > to it. This is something for professional therapy. By the way, I will start > soon, but I do not know how long it will take me to trust the therapist.
Hi Galin, I’m so glad to hear that you’ll be starting therapy soon. Hopefully, you’ll have the same experience I had, and eventually, a giant weight will be lifted from your shoulders. As far as trusting the therapist goes: Continue to be brave! Making up your mind to go to therapy, and walking through the door is IMO the hardest hurdle. Whatever you tell the therapist is not going to shock him/her. So if you can, jump right in and spill the beans. But you should probably not expect too much out of your first visit, as it will probably just be a lot of questions for you to answer, so the therapist can get a handle with what’s going on. Good luck and best wishes Peace -G. — Peace is the answer… …wanna’ fight about it? -G.
Response:
>Meds don’t cut off all the feelings, they just bring them to a level at >which we can touch them and deal with them without reliving the full force >of the pain and terror most of us…..
W.P. – I couldn’t have said it better myself!!! I was on a mailing list once where a girl was a "cutter." She didn’t take meds either, refused to, and constantly talked about cutting, being depressed, etc…., I got off the list because I just couldn’t take it anymore. She just didn’t get it that her ‘brain was out of balance.’ That’s what it is – our traumas have messed with our brain chemistry to such a degree that we suffer from depression, anxiety, isolation, etc…, I truly believe that we all must be "solution seekers.’ Sincerely, Luanne
Response:
wallpa…@pop.service.ohio.state.edu wrote: > BTW, what does "YMMV" stand for? ?:- > wallpaper
YMMV= Your Mileage May Very — Peace is the answer… …wanna’ fight about it? -G.
Response:
Thanks for the response. About this Lithium thing, the Doc knows I’ve reduced and he isn’t sure it matters. I reduced my Klonipin slowly because I didn’t want to be addicted. Three years ago a Doc gave me truckloads of Valium and I was totally addicted and went into a "drying out" house for about a month that my insurance didn’t cover and I had to pay $18,000.+ to get off the damn drug (the only way I’ll go to the VA is carried unconscience). I’ve tried many, many drugs over the years, most with horrible side-effects… but not recently, since I stood still long enough to be Diagnosed with PTSD. I probably hold the worlds record for firing Doctors of all varieties. Another Doc gave me Dexedrine and continues to do so but I don’t take much if any. He said it was probably a mistake. Since I’m not depressed it throws my two Docs a curve. They talk me into trying anti-depressants anyway and they don’t work right in my brain… probably because it’s the wrong drug. He’s given me anti psychotics (nothing, zero), tried Beta-Blockers (nothing, zero). There is one thing that will flatten me out a bit and I feel fairly ‘in touch’ and thats Codeine. An Internal Medicine Doc lives next door and she gives me scripts for ASA/Codeine #4’s. When I take a couple of those I’m a man of peace, feel centered and am reasonable but I limit those because of the potential addition problem. The real problem, says my Doc, is the my horrible childhood abuse coupled with the "hands on killings" in the war. There was much of it… so much blood. He said the best thing that could happen is if I become depressed. Oh well, so it goes. Thanks Bill
Response:
LuanneP wrote in message <19981229180724.01144.00003…@ng-cg1.aol.com>… > She just didn’t get it that her ‘brain was out of balance.’ That’s what it is – our >traumas have messed with our brain chemistry to such a degree that we suffer >from depression, anxiety, isolation, etc…, >I truly believe that we all must be "solution seekers.’ >Sincerely, >Luanne
I understand that the area in the brain can be identified with a scan of sorts. James Victories that are easy are cheap. Those only are worth having which come as the result of hard fighting. -Harriet Ward Beecher
Response:
Bill Trucks wrote in message <36897418.D9059…@globaldialog.com>… > The real problem, says myDoc, is the my horrible childhood abuse coupled
with the >"hands on killings" in the war. There was much of it… so much blood. He said >the best thing that could happen is if I become depressed. Oh well, so >it goes. >Thanks >Bill
Hi Bill This is interesting, as it coincides with a recurring thought. If some people have absolutely no reaction to an event and others can be traumatized by it, what makes the difference? Is it possible that if we were traumatized as children, then later as adults, that we would be more sensitized to being traumatized again. Would not a course of action be to deal with the traumatized child as a resolve to the traumatized adult? IMO James Victories that are easy are cheap. Those only are worth having which come as the result of hard fighting. -Harriet Ward Beecher
Response:
LuanneP wrote: >> I am >>not on meds, and don’t know much about them, and that is a question that >>came to mind >Renee: >You are the FIRST person I have ever met who had PTSD and was not on meds. >Never heard of such a thing, except in the case of the person that couldn’t >afford them. If I don’t take mine, I am suicidal.. >Luanne
I am also not on any meds. I don’t know if it’s a US thing, but many of the people I know here in NZ are not on meds either. If they ever do have them it is almost always a short term option. For me there is also the issue of suppressing what I’m feeling, I spent enough years drunk to know about that and it’s not something I want to do again. I have without the aid of meds gotten to the stage of reentering the workforce after an absence of 6 years, unfortunately within 3 days of that I was ‘held up’ by a couple of ‘adicts’. But hey I’m still here now, still working away and one day I will be able to function ‘normally’ again. Time is as they say the greatest healer, and that’s exactly what I plan to give myself, the time to exist without a chemical, drugged or drunk future. I know that meds do work for some people. For me due to my beliefs and also a lack of trust of those in ‘authority’, ptsd rears it’s head again, they aren’t for me. There is however an alternative and that’s all it should be viewed or taken as. Each person has to come to a decision about what is best for them, and each person should also be allowed the freedom to make mistakes or correct decisions for ‘themselves’. All the Best Mairtin
Response:
>Don’t know if this will help, but I take 450mg of St John’s Wort time >released. One in the AM and one in the PM. At night, to sleep I take 250
Bill: Check with your doc first. St. John’s Wart is NOT to be mixed with any prescribed anti-depressant or anti-anxiety drugs. From what my doctor told me, St. John’s Wart is not recommended for severe/major depression. Sincerely, Luanne
Response:
Bill Trucks wrote:
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<snip>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >Since I’m not depressed it throws my two Docs a curve. They >talk me into trying anti-depressants anyway and they don’t work right in >my brain… probably because it’s the wrong drug. He’s given me anti >psychotics (nothing, zero), tried Beta-Blockers (nothing, zero). There >is one thing that will flatten me out a bit and I feel fairly ‘in touch’ >and thats Codeine.
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<snip>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> As far as I know from my reading there are two types of depression. Clinical – a chemical imbalance (is this what the docs are trying to treat?) Reactive – a reaction to external events The chemical reaction of the body is different in each of these types. Most docs here in NZ seem to only know of the clinical type. My own doc is trying to get me to take prozac, even though both I and my therapist tell him i’m not depressed. OK, I sometimes get ‘down’ but usually as a reaction to some external event, especially if it’s also a trigger, but I am usually able to quickly bounce back, and this ‘depression’ only lasts at most a day or two. Is anyone else able to confirm the types of depression? I am doing this from memory. Also if anyone knows of different types of depression i’d be interested in hearing about them. Hope this helps. Mairtin
Response:
>I understand that the area in the brain can be identified with a scan of >sorts.
Yes. Docs can tell the brain of a person with bipolar disorder and depression. Saw something on he Discovery Channel once. Brain shows up in different colors when there is some sort of "disorder." Sincerely, Luanne
Response:
Good thought. I’ve been thinking on this and even located two of the surviving 48 man Team. It was quite hard since I don’t remember anyone’s name or face on our Team. Even my friend I trained and fought with for 2.5 years and was wounded and died on my back as I tried to carry him out… I can’t remember his face or name to save my life! Anyway, these two guys were hard as nails. They still hated the NVA enough to cut their eyes out. They laid off their trauma to the NVA, The Military, The USA and everybody alive except them. They had no PTSD response. I have always felt you had to have some sencitivity or conscience for the trauma to impact so hard as to do chemical/electrical damage. You are probably right that I was a good prospect since I’d been beaten for years and twice raped as a boy. In retrospect I should have gone into some school rather than volunteer for a highly specialized killing Team as I did. I simply piled trauma on top of already raw and hurting insides. I didn’t know then I was fuckin’ up my mind. Bill – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -James wrote: > Bill Trucks wrote in message <36897418.D9059…@globaldialog.com>… > > The real problem, says myDoc, is the my horrible childhood abuse coupled > with the >"hands on killings" in the war. There was much of it… so much > blood. He said > >the best thing that could happen is if I become depressed. Oh well, so > >it goes. > >Thanks > >Bill > Hi Bill > This is interesting, as it coincides with a recurring thought. > If some people have absolutely no reaction to an event and others can be > traumatized by it, what makes the difference? Is it possible that if we > were traumatized as children, then later as adults, that we would be more > sensitized to being traumatized again. > Would not a course of action be to deal with the traumatized child as a > resolve to the traumatized adult? > IMO > James > Victories that are easy are cheap. Those only are worth having which come as > the result of hard fighting. -Harriet Ward Beecher
Response:
Bill Trucks wrote in message <3689D938.6BA5D…@globaldialog.com>…
snip > I have always felt you had to have some sencitivity or >conscience for the trauma to impact so hard as to do chemical/electrical >damage. You are probably right that I was a good prospect since I’d been beaten >for years and twice raped as a boy. In retrospect I should have gone into some >school rather than volunteer for a highly specialized killing Team as I did. I >simply piled trauma on top of already raw and hurting insides. I didn’t know >then I was fuckin’ up my mind.
I was readin how we setup patterns in our lives and traumatize ourselves over and over again. We end up having layers upon layers of stuff to wade through…THICK My T gave me some homework to identify all the traumatic events in my life, even if they seem irrelavant. I am up to about to about 23 now which doesn’t even touch on my relationship patterns which would ppbly double the events. One day I will post it. James "There ain’t no future in the past"
Response:
James wrote: >Bill Trucks wrote in message <3689D938.6BA5D…@globaldialog.com>… >>In retrospect I should have gone into some >>school rather than volunteer for a highly specialized killing Team as I >>did. I >>simply piled trauma on top of already raw and hurting insides. I didn’t >>know >>then I was fuckin’ up my mind. >I was readin how we setup patterns in our lives and traumatize ourselves >over and over again. We end up having layers upon layers of stuff to wade >through…THICK
I always thought it was just me thinking like this. Although I am longing for peace so badly I would immediately volunteer for any service in a war for a good purpose, I would give everything, my entire fighting spirit would come through. This is my idealism and selflessness for good aims, well – but I am so ready for this, although my soul is bleeding and hurting so extremely, and I am so weak. I do not understand it, it is crazy somehow. Maybe it is because I think that giving everything in a fight for a good purpose could help me to get over my current PTSD. Of course it would not. I think it is like I am screaming from pain and nevertheless I stab the knife into my body again and again, trying to stab my pain to death. I really tried to self-destruct myself with alcohol and other things, although I have no agression against myself, at least not consciously. I cannot think of any reason why I should. Because I did not succeed in fighting against *them* when it happened? Could be a reason… I am on guard all the time, ready for defense, and this already feels like permanent fighting somehow. I want to relax, this fighting is only traumatizing me more, or at least not letting my wounds heal. I want it to stop! On one hand I am crying out for someone to hold me because I need comfort and support so badly, on the other hand I am willing to fight until the bitter end. Well … probably I would no even succeed to get up from the floor where I am currently lieing in my own blood. Can anyone help me to understand this whole thing? It is so confusing and paradox. And please answer in a reasonable way and don’t hurt me. Thanx in advance. Fighting for peace, Galin
Response:
That doesn’t mean that I can deal with what is done to me in here. No, I can’t. Not these days. As I said, I’d probably not even be able to get up from the floor where I am currently lieing in my own blood. It hurts. Takes all my strength to post here because I know I’ll get hurt. But I need this group, and I do not want to defeat. But I think my pain will make me defeat nevertheless. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Galin Deiseal wrote: >James wrote: >>Bill Trucks wrote in message <3689D938.6BA5D…@globaldialog.com>… >>>In retrospect I should have gone into some >>>school rather than volunteer for a highly specialized killing Team as I >>>did. I >>>simply piled trauma on top of already raw and hurting insides. I didn’t >>>know >>>then I was fuckin’ up my mind. >>I was readin how we setup patterns in our lives and traumatize ourselves >>over and over again. We end up having layers upon layers of stuff to wade >>through…THICK >I always thought it was just me thinking like this. Although I am longing >for peace so badly I would immediately volunteer for any service in a war >for a good purpose, I would give everything, my entire fighting spirit would >come through. This is my idealism and selflessness for good aims, well – but >I am so ready for this, although my soul is bleeding and hurting so >extremely, and I am so weak. I do not understand it, it is crazy somehow. >Maybe it is because I think that giving everything in a fight for a good >purpose could help me to get over my current PTSD. Of course it >would not. >I think it is like I am screaming from pain and nevertheless I stab the >knife into my body again and again, trying to stab my pain to death. >I really tried to self-destruct myself with alcohol and other things, >although I have no agression against myself, at least not consciously. I >cannot think of any reason why I should. Because I did not succeed in >fighting against *them* when it happened? Could be a reason… >I am on guard all the time, ready for defense, and this already feels like >permanent fighting somehow. I want to relax, this fighting is only >traumatizing me more, or at least not letting my wounds heal. I want it to >stop! >On one hand I am crying out for someone to hold me because I need comfort >and support so badly, on the other hand I am willing to fight until the >bitter end. Well … probably I would no even succeed to get up from the >floor where I am currently lieing in my own blood. >Can anyone help me to understand this whole thing? It is so confusing and >paradox. And please answer in a reasonable way and don’t hurt me. >Thanx in advance. >Fighting for peace, >Galin
Response:
Galin Deiseal wrote: >I think it is like I am screaming from pain and nevertheless I stab the >knife into my body again and again, trying to stab my pain to death. >Well … probably I would no even succeed to get up from the >floor where I am currently lieing in my own blood.
I just received a mail from someone who was scared and asked me if I was really lieing in my own blood on the floor right now. Although I am suicidal THIS WAS ONLY METAPHOR! I didn’t think anyone could get this wrong – sorry!
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -childofthek…@geocities.com wrote: >Posted and e-mailed. >Would fighting, giving everything", perhaps make you feel you were in >control of "Something"? Would the physical aspect of it help you vent >some of the pent-up emotion & frustration you may feel with PTSD? I >know that I have felt alot of anger/frustration lately, possibly >unearthed by the EMDR, and have pounded a few walls lately and felt >very much like my current fate is in the hands of others who are making >a nasty mess of it. Rather than helping they are demeaning me with >their stupid questions the answers of which any person working with the >disabled should live and breathe. Oh I get so frustrated! Could you >feel somewhat like I do and really want to have SOME control of my life >and fate? Going to war would be a way of justifying yourself, being some- >body (I love a job with a uniform, it allows me to play a role!)and just >perhaps the chance to, without condemnation ge out of this world of crap? >Just some thoughts, throw out what doesn’t fit.
This is a difficult topic for me because it goes deeper and is more complex in me than I can grasp. I think it depends on how good my chances are in a fight wether I would feel control or not. I would at least have a possibility to have control over what/who would assault me otherwise. I did not have *any* control during my traumatic experiences. An absolute fight in which I can give everything would be freeing. I do not know exactly why I think that it could free me from my PTSD, probably it would solve any subconscious aspect that is very potential against my recovery, that is keeping my PTSD alive. Sadly this is nothing else than healing with pain – trying to get over one trauma by diving into another. Going to war would not give me just *any* identity, I have no need to play any foreign role which stays a foreign substance in me, no, I could finally continue to be myself. I could do what I did not manage to do during my traumatic experiences: fighting and winning against my enemy. I think I have no aggression against myself because I could not help it happening to me, but maybe subconsciously I nevertheless cannot forgive myself for not having won against *them*. This is probably the reason for my self-destruction while I do not want to get hurt by others. I am raging against others, but I always repress it. I feel that my fate is in the hands of others, too. Even in the hands of this newsgroup, very much even because it is my only support at the moment. I always have the drive to fight for something good, selfless and idealistic. Since I do not feel guilt towards others I do not know why this is so strong. And all this fighting in my mind is traumatizing me over and over again. I think I am fighting against myself, that is why I cannot find a solution. By the way, for the physical aspect and the venting: I am doing those asian martial arts. It helps against aggression because the body can let it out, and it also gives the feeling of control. I know I can defend myself better with this. However, I touched an aspect here that I cannot work on alone because it goes too deep. I could only mention superficial issues and thoughts relating to it. This is something for professional therapy. By the way, I will start soon, but I do not know how long it will take me to trust the therapist.
Response:
I used to be amused at the lives of middle Americans. Often, I thought them pathetic and simplistic. They, however, are not sitting at their desk with a loaded HK-M13 and a HK-P7 because of fear someone is sneaking up behind me. I look over my shoulder every 10 seconds. I am home alone for 4-5 days because I am too gutless to fly to Dominican (4 floors is my height limit) w/wife and two daughters… one stays behind for a year. Last daughter (nearly 18) wanted me to drive up to Southern Canada for some snowboard thing. Too far, too much wide open spaces, what if cell phone wouldn’t reach, what if snow storm stranded us and I couldn’t couldn’t see civilization, what if, what if… I got nervous talking about it. Her friends like me and there was lots of pressure to go. I go fewer and fewer places these days. This paranoia is powerful. I went to the store and when I got back I was sure something/one was in the house, even though we have a super security system. There was no signal that the house had any intruder attempt but I searched the house from top to bottom, in closets and everywhere with a 9mm ready. As I sit here I don’t feel safe. Hell of a deal for a hardened combat Vet, hey? I’m going to try Doc Laws thing when there’s an opening butI’ve been thinking, maybe I should go on some meds? I’ve had such god-awful side effects from some I am not very inclined to try again. I am, however, miserable and struggle to be calm and reasonable. I know a guy in on the Denver study of Serzone and he says the stuff is great. I freak out when I feel a side effect of a drug. Is there anything that might make me feel a little better that is nearly without side-effects? I stay up until dawn every night… can’t sleep. Diagnosed "Massive and chronic Post Traumatic Stress Disorder with personality dysfunctions and Manic-Depression that may be a result of the PTSD". I do take some lithium but only 1/3 of the amount prescribed. I take 1-2 mg Klonipin although am prescribed 6-8 mg per day. But what I’m taking about is the kind of drugs I hear you folks talking about. Do these really do any good? How do you know? Do you really feel better or is it conditioning. I would chop my toe off to feel better for 20 mintues. There is always this grinding/exhuastion/aggression/fatigue/fear/disorientation/confusion/memory problems/rage/anger/saddness, etc., etc. What does Serzone do? Can you feel it. This whole thing is a bitch, ain’t it! Bill
Response:
Bill, it’s good to hear from you – I was wondering how you were doing. I am so sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time. What I am wondering is, rather than looking for new meds, why aren’t you taking the recommended dosages of the meds you have now? Is it because of the side-effects? I am not on meds, and don’t know much about them, and that is a question that came to mind. Perhaps you would get some relief. Klonopin is a med many people who suffer PAs and panic disorder are on, with much success. I hope it does the same for you 
Have you talked to your p-doc about this? You don’t need to suffer so much, you can get help. blessings, Renee *what other people think of you is none of your business* *If you are going through hell, KEEP MOVING!* ______________________________ – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Bill Trucks wrote in message <368862F9.AE2A8…@globaldialog.com>… >……maybe I should go on some meds? I’ve had such god-awful side >effects from some I am not very inclined to try again. I am, however, >miserable and struggle to be calm and reasonable. >………..I do take some lithium but only 1/3 of the amount >prescribed. I take 1-2 mg Klonipin although am prescribed 6-8 mg per >day. But what I’m taking about is the kind of drugs I hear you folks >talking about. Do these really do any good? How do you know? Do you >really feel better or is it conditioning. I would chop my toe off to >feel better for 20 mintues. There is always this >grinding/exhuastion/aggression/fatigue/fear/disorientation/confusion/memor y >problems/rage/anger/saddness, etc., etc. What does Serzone do? Can you >feel it. This whole thing is a bitch, ain’t it! >Bill
Response:
> I am >not on meds, and don’t know much about them, and that is a question that >came to mind
Renee: You are the FIRST person I have ever met who had PTSD and was not on meds. Never heard of such a thing, except in the case of the person that couldn’t afford them. If I don’t take mine, I am suicidal.. Luanne
Response:
Bill Trucks wrote: > I’m going to try Doc Laws thing when there’s an opening butI’ve been > thinking, maybe I should go on some meds? I’ve had such god-awful > side effects from some I am not very inclined to try again. I am, > however, miserable and struggle to be calm and reasonable. I know a > guy in on the Denver study of Serzone and he says the stuff is great. > I freak out when I feel a side effect of a drug. Is there anything > that might make me feel a little better that is nearly without > side-effects?
Yes, Bill. Serzone is an atypical anti-derepssant, but it does have a short list of side effects. From what I’ve been reading, many shrinks are switching Serzone patients to Celexa, which has little if any side effects. Another things you should know: BuSpar, an anti-anxiolytic, when taken with Celexa enhances the positive effects. > I stay up until dawn every night… can’t sleep. > Diagnosed "Massive and chronic Post Traumatic Stress Disorder with > personality dysfunctions and Manic-Depression that may be a result of > the PTSD". I do take some lithium but only 1/3 of the amount > prescribed. I take 1-2 mg Klonipin although am prescribed 6-8 mg per > day. But what I’m taking about is the kind of drugs I hear you folks > talking about. Do these really do any good? How do you know? Do you > really feel better or is it conditioning. I would chop my toe off to > feel better for 20 mintues.
The drugs give you a chance to work on your problems *without* the illness clouding your perception and judgement- but you laso need a good cognitive-behavioral therapy to break down triggers and reasctions as well. The meds give you a safe space to do this- a respite so that you can re-condition yourself, . The drugs you mention have definite psychoactive properties- real brain chem stuff, and when taken religiously, along with cog-behav therapeutic modalities , can have lasting, positive benefits. The stuff used today is far more effective and site specific than the meds of ten years ago. If you need meds, this is the day and age to take them. 1 to 2 mgs of Klonopin is barely a therapeutic dosage, especially considering your size (I’m sure you’re a big man), and the intensity of PTSD you seem to suffer. But Klonopin as well as other benzodiazapines are very effective in limiting the hyperstimulation of the central nrevous system that ocurs with PTSD. But it has to be taken consistently. When done so the side effects will dissipate. I know lithium is *not* a fun drug, but it’s fairly effective to control mood swings. There are alternatives. > There is always this > grinding/exhuastion/aggression/fatigue/fear/disorientation/confusion/memory > problems/rage/anger/saddness, etc., etc. What does Serzone do? Can > you feel it. This whole thing is a bitch, ain’t it!
A good anti-depressant, especially SSRIs will inhibit the reabsrorption of certain neuro-transmitters that keep you alert, calm and positive, while limiting obsessive/compulsive symtoms. Anti-anxiolytics will limit disorientation, agression, rage. Speak to a good shrink about your treatmant options. The Celexa/BuSpar combination is producing great results with little no side effects. Check it out, hon. But make sure you do the cognitive-behavioral work as well. Serenity and Light, Cindy – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Bill
Response:
Hi Bill, I’m sorry to hear that you’re not feeling well. I hope this changes for you, and all the rest of us soon. My knowledge of drugs is limited, so I wouldn’t know what to tell ya there. I’ve heard that Zoloft and Buspar work pretty well with little side effects. What does the rest of the group think of this? Peace -G. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Bill Trucks wrote: > I used to be amused at the lives of middle Americans. Often, I > thought them pathetic and simplistic. They, however, are not sitting > at their desk with a loaded HK-M13 and a HK-P7 because of fear someone > is sneaking up behind me. I look over my shoulder every 10 seconds. > I am home alone for 4-5 days because I am too gutless to fly to > Dominican (4 floors is my height limit) w/wife and two daughters… > one stays behind for a year. Last daughter (nearly 18) wanted me to > drive up to Southern Canada for some snowboard thing. Too far, too > much wide open spaces, what if cell phone wouldn’t reach, what if snow > storm stranded us and I couldn’t couldn’t see civilization, what if, > what if… I got nervous talking about it. Her friends like me and > there was lots of pressure to go. I go fewer and fewer places these > days. > This paranoia is powerful. I went to the store and when I got back I > was sure something/one was in the house, even though we have a super > security system. There was no signal that the house had any intruder > attempt but I searched the house from top to bottom, in closets and > everywhere with a 9mm ready. As I sit here I don’t feel safe. Hell > of a deal for a hardened combat Vet, hey? > I’m going to try Doc Laws thing when there’s an opening butI’ve been > thinking, maybe I should go on some meds? I’ve had such god-awful > side effects from some I am not very inclined to try again. I am, > however, miserable and struggle to be calm and reasonable. I know a > guy in on the Denver study of Serzone and he says the stuff is great. > I freak out when I feel a side effect of a drug. Is there anything > that might make me feel a little better that is nearly without > side-effects? I stay up until dawn every night… can’t sleep. > Diagnosed "Massive and chronic Post Traumatic Stress Disorder with > personality dysfunctions and Manic-Depression that may be a result of > the PTSD". I do take some lithium but only 1/3 of the amount > prescribed. I take 1-2 mg Klonipin although am prescribed 6-8 mg per > day. But what I’m taking about is the kind of drugs I hear you folks > talking about. Do these really do any good? How do you know? Do you > really feel better or is it conditioning. I would chop my toe off to > feel better for 20 mintues. There is always this > grinding/exhuastion/aggression/fatigue/fear/disorientation/confusion/memory > problems/rage/anger/saddness, etc., etc. What does Serzone do? Can > you feel it. This whole thing is a bitch, ain’t it! > Bill
– Peace is the answer… …wanna’ fight about it? -G.
Response:
>It is really important to me to >feel what I feel, especially at these early stages, when I need to know what >is going through my mind, what I am feeling emotionally and physically.
When I was ‘feeling what I was feeling’, I damn near killed myself. I’ve attempted suicide more than once, and basically, cannot get out of bed if I don’t take my meds. I shudder to think what would have happened to me if I hadn’t started on medication. I would not be here to write this….. Luanne
Response:
>I want to be able to go to the store, to stand in line, to sit at a >stoplight, to be in public, to be with friends… and not feel like someone >will hurt me, not feel trapped or stuck.
The combination of therapy and meds is amazing! Luanne
Response:
Hi LP, Now there’s 2 people you ‘know’ who don’t take meds. My therapist has always left meds as an option, but she wanted, and I wanted to see if I can develop coping skills to deal with all this shit. For awhile I was self medicating w/ xanax, but I didn’t like, it so I stopped. (I was either still anxious from not enough, or asleep all the time from enough) Also, for me, taking meds conflicts with my substance abuse issues. I really believe that some of us need meds, and some don’t… this is definitly a YMMV situation. There are always some xanax around the house, and believe me, some days they look pretty tempting. Peace -G. — Peace is the answer… …wanna’ fight about it? -G. If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and tripping and begging for mercy, then yes, Mr. Brave man, I guess I’m a coward. "Deep Thoughts" By Jack Handy
Response:
Luanne, I was just diagnosed last month. It is really important to me to feel what I feel, especially at these early stages, when I need to know what is going through my mind, what I am feeling emotionally and physically. I am afraid that if I do not +ACo-work through+ACo- all of this pain, memories, feelings… all of it…. if I do not experience it, I will stay stuck in it forever, and I don’t want that. I am not saying this is true for you or anyone else, but it is how I feel about it right now. I want my life back. I want to be able to go to the store, to stand in line, to sit at a stoplight, to be in public, to be with friends… and not feel like someone will hurt me, not feel trapped or stuck. I need to do the work first, and will take meds if I need to. For me, it’s too early to tell. blessings, Renee +ACo-what other people think of you is none of your business+ACo- +ACo-If you are going through hell, KEEP MOVING+ACEAKg- +AF8AXwBfAF8AXwBfAF8AXwBfAF8AXwBfAF8AXwBfAF8AXwBfAF8AXwBfAF8AXwBfAF8AXwBfAF 8AXwBf- LuanneP wrote in message +ADw-19981229102914.01152.00003543+AEA-ng-cg1.aol.com+AD4-…
+AD4-Renee: +AD4-You are the FIRST person I have ever met who had PTSD and was not on meds. +AD4-Never heard of such a thing, except in the case of the person that couldn’t +AD4-afford them. If I don’t take mine, I am suicidal.. +AD4- +AD4-Luanne
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