Question:
6 months or so back I posted I think my wife is having an affair. I mentioned a hotel room recipt, black thong undies, she had a photo of him, cell phone calls. She works for him too. We’ll, it was true. She admitted to it. I AM DEVISTATED!
Response:
Hang in there, there is life after divorce. 3 years now hapily re-married and just had our first child together. Guess I should update the ASD photo. Roto ~:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – 6 months or so back I posted I think my wife is having an affair. I mentioned a hotel room recipt, black thong undies, she had a photo of him, cell phone calls. She works for him too. We’ll, it was true. She admitted to it. I AM DEVISTATED!
Response:
Hang in there, there is life after divorce. 3 years now hapily re-married and just had our first child together. Guess I should update the ASD photo.
Congrats!!! 
Response:
I didn’t say I was divorcing, just that I was devistated. We are trying to work it out. lost32224 – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hang in there, there is life after divorce. 3 years now hapily re-married and just had our first child together. Guess I should update the ASD photo. Roto ~: 6 months or so back I posted I think my wife is having an affair. I mentioned a hotel room recipt, black thong undies, she had a photo of him, cell phone calls. She works for him too. We’ll, it was true. She admitted to it. I AM DEVISTATED!
Response:
I wish you luck on trying to work it out. I hope that you are taking some of the wonderful advice that you have gotten here. I would like to offer you something that helped me immensely in my situation. it is a chapter of a book that has the best advice on how to handle adultery in a marriage. If you email me, I will send it to you in Word2000 format. BTW, has he or she quit their job yet? I have never known a marriage to work out where one or both of the people involved didn’t quit. I unsuccessfully tried for three years to get my wife to quit working around Mr. Fluffy. She finally did after I filed for divorce for the third time, but I had given up by then. I knew that all she had done was hide the affair, not end it. Kind of a sick joke between us: Me: I never want to catch you seeing Mr. fluffy again! Her: I never want you to either! sam Be careful that the toes you step on today are not attached to the body of the a** you have to kiss tomorrow. (anonymous)
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I didn’t say I was divorcing, just that I was devistated. We are trying to work it out. lost32224 6 months or so back I posted I think my wife is having an affair. I mentioned a hotel room recipt, black thong undies, she had a photo of him, cell phone calls. She works for him too. We’ll, it was true. She admitted to it. I AM DEVISTATED!
Response:
He was let go from the job. She may still quit, it depends. She IS sincere about wanting it to work for us. I guess I am too. (this is the limit of my humor these days) It has been a week now. I am very down. We had councelling today. I knew what to expect from reading www.marriagebuuilders.com It will be a lot of work for both of us. I have to decide if it is worth it. We have two small kids that LOVE both of us and it would kill me to let them go for a week to be with her (if we split). Plus, I HATE the thought of trying to meet in the singles scene. Thanks, – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I wish you luck on trying to work it out. I hope that you are taking some of the wonderful advice that you have gotten here. I would like to offer you something that helped me immensely in my situation. it is a chapter of a book that has the best advice on how to handle adultery in a marriage. If you email me, I will send it to you in Word2000 format. BTW, has he or she quit their job yet? I have never known a marriage to work out where one or both of the people involved didn’t quit. I unsuccessfully tried for three years to get my wife to quit working around Mr. Fluffy. She finally did after I filed for divorce for the third time, but I had given up by then. I knew that all she had done was hide the affair, not end it. Kind of a sick joke between us: Me: I never want to catch you seeing Mr. fluffy again! Her: I never want you to either! sam Be careful that the toes you step on today are not attached to the body of the a** you have to kiss tomorrow. (anonymous) I didn’t say I was divorcing, just that I was devistated. We are trying to work it out. lost32224 6 months or so back I posted I think my wife is having an affair. I mentioned a hotel room recipt, black thong undies, she had a photo of him, cell phone calls. She works for him too. We’ll, it was true. She admitted to it. I AM DEVISTATED!
Response:
He was let go from the job. She may still quit, it depends. She IS sincere about wanting it to work for us. I guess I am too. (this is the limit of my humor these days)
There is nothing that the two of you can’t work through if you both truly desire it. It has been a week now. I am very down. We had councelling today. I knew what to expect from reading www.marriagebuuilders.com It will be a lot of work for both of us. I have to decide if it is worth
it. There is nothing in the world that would mean more to your children than to grow up in a loving two parent family. Here is a quote from our website that says it all: "No one will ever convince me that the effort to find the love that was deep enough for marriage is more than the effort for a family to survive the traumatic life-long consequences — both emotional and financial of a divorce." We have two small kids that LOVE both of us and it would kill me to let them go for a week to be with her (if we split). Plus, I HATE the thought of trying to meet in the singles scene. Thanks,
Adultery does not have to end the marriage, but it surely has dealt it a very severe blow. I pray for you, your wife, and your children that you all are able to work out everything between you. Keep us posted on how it goes. sam Don’t push the red button, Never push the red button! Daffy Duck
Response:
It is now Day 10. I feel a little better today. Only cried twice, for short periods. She really wants the marriage to stay together. I feel: She has had her fun, now back to the hubby and kids, he’ll always be there. and I suck as a husband to drive her to another man. but she says "I really screwed up. It woke me up when it ended badly. I’ll be the best wife and mother I can be, I’ll do the married things with you. Just don’t bring this up against me and don’t treat me like dirt." I know tomorrow will be a down day, but I’m eating and sleeping now. the Doc says I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and has given me Zoloft. Thanks, Lost32224 – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – He was let go from the job. She may still quit, it depends. She IS sincere about wanting it to work for us. I guess I am too. (this is the limit of my humor these days) There is nothing that the two of you can’t work through if you both truly desire it. It has been a week now. I am very down. We had councelling today. I knew what to expect from reading www.marriagebuuilders.com It will be a lot of work for both of us. I have to decide if it is worth it. There is nothing in the world that would mean more to your children than to grow up in a loving two parent family. Here is a quote from our website that says it all: "No one will ever convince me that the effort to find the love that was deep enough for marriage is more than the effort for a family to survive the traumatic life-long consequences — both emotional and financial of a divorce." We have two small kids that LOVE both of us and it would kill me to let them go for a week to be with her (if we split). Plus, I HATE the thought of trying to meet in the singles scene. Thanks, Adultery does not have to end the marriage, but it surely has dealt it a very severe blow. I pray for you, your wife, and your children that you all are able to work out everything between you. Keep us posted on how it goes. sam Don’t push the red button, Never push the red button! Daffy Duck
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – It is now Day 10. I feel a little better today. Only cried twice, for short periods. She really wants the marriage to stay together. I feel: She has had her fun, now back to the hubby and kids, he’ll always be there. and I suck as a husband to drive her to another man. but she says "I really screwed up. It woke me up when it ended badly. I’ll be the best wife and mother I can be, I’ll do the married things with you. Just don’t bring this up against me and don’t treat me like dirt." I know tomorrow will be a down day, but I’m eating and sleeping now. the Doc says I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and has given me Zoloft. Thanks, Lost32224
The two of you need to "renegotiate" your marriage. That will most likely require a good marriage therapist (some clergypeople are good at this but you should be careful) and some sessions with both you and your wife working together. Pills are not the answer. My first wife and I survived an affair (hers first and then mine for "revenge") and the marriage was better for the last 13 years than it had been for the first 12. I still miss her (she died of cancer 16 years ago). It is indeed possible for a couple to survive an affair, and even attain emotional growth in the process (although it is painful as hell!). Give it a try. Best, Bob Robert A. Fink, M.D., FACS, P. C. 2500 Milvia Street Suite 222 Berkeley, California 94704-2636 USA Telephone: 510-849-2555 FAX: 510-849-2557 <http://www.rafink.com "Ex Tristitia Virtus"
Response:
It is now D-Day +3 weeks and 1 day. today is Thanksgiving amd I am in pain. I’m trying not to show it. I truely love the kids and want us to work. But We have family visiting and I am keeping it inside but it is hard. The therapist says I cannot show it in front of her. She can’t see me cry nor can I yell at her. I have no interest in the kids today, the parade on TV or anything. I’m just sitting her trying to convince myself it is worth it to stay together. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – We are in councilling. I’m on the emotional roller coaster. Yesterday was a bad yelling day for me. She got mad, but I think she understands my pain. 15 days since D Day. lost He was let go from the job. She may still quit, it depends. She IS sincere about wanting it to work for us. I guess I am too. (this is the limit of my humor these days) There is nothing that the two of you can’t work through if you both truly desire it. It has been a week now. I am very down. We had councelling today. I knew what to expect from reading www.marriagebuuilders.com It will be a lot of work for both of us. I have to decide if it is worth it. There is nothing in the world that would mean more to your children than to grow up in a loving two parent family. Here is a quote from our website that says it all: "No one will ever convince me that the effort to find the love that was deep enough for marriage is more than the effort for a family to survive the traumatic life-long consequences — both emotional and financial of a divorce." We have two small kids that LOVE both of us and it would kill me to let them go for a week to be with her (if we split). Plus, I HATE the thought of trying to meet in the singles scene. Thanks, Adultery does not have to end the marriage, but it surely has dealt it a very severe blow. I pray for you, your wife, and your children that you all are able to work out everything between you. Keep us posted on how it goes. sam Don’t push the red button, Never push the red button! Daffy Duck
Response:
having an affair We have family visiting and I am keeping it inside but it is hard. The therapist says I cannot show it in front of her. She can’t see me cry nor can I yell at her.
Why would your therapist tell you this?
Response:
It would only drive her away. We are trying to work it out. she dosen’t love me right now, she still loves him. I have to be nice and civil or it won’t work. I want it to work, but it is very very hard. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – having an affair We have family visiting and I am keeping it inside but it is hard. The therapist says I cannot show it in front of her. She can’t see me cry nor can I yell at her. Why would your therapist tell you this?
Response:
I feel: She has had her fun, now back to the hubby and kids, he’ll always be there.
until next time? do you fear it may happen again? but she says "I really screwed up. It woke me up when it ended badly. I’ll be the best wife and mother I can be, I’ll do the married things with you. Just don’t bring this up against me and don’t treat me like dirt."
and she has treated you how? Good luck with this. Hope things work out ok, one way or the other…
Response:
We are in councilling. I’m on the emotional roller coaster. Yesterday was a bad yelling day for me. She got mad, but I think she understands my pain. 15 days since D Day. lost – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – He was let go from the job. She may still quit, it depends. She IS sincere about wanting it to work for us. I guess I am too. (this is the limit of my humor these days) There is nothing that the two of you can’t work through if you both truly desire it. It has been a week now. I am very down. We had councelling today. I knew what to expect from reading www.marriagebuuilders.com It will be a lot of work for both of us. I have to decide if it is worth it. There is nothing in the world that would mean more to your children than to grow up in a loving two parent family. Here is a quote from our website that says it all: "No one will ever convince me that the effort to find the love that was deep enough for marriage is more than the effort for a family to survive the traumatic life-long consequences — both emotional and financial of a divorce." We have two small kids that LOVE both of us and it would kill me to let them go for a week to be with her (if we split). Plus, I HATE the thought of trying to meet in the singles scene. Thanks, Adultery does not have to end the marriage, but it surely has dealt it a very severe blow. I pray for you, your wife, and your children that you all are able to work out everything between you. Keep us posted on how it goes. sam Don’t push the red button, Never push the red button! Daffy Duck
Response:
I can relate to your story. My wife was doing the same thing as far as the work and cell phone go. Also with the lingerie, I was doing the wash and found some that I know I have never seen. She was always on the computer in chat rooms and when I would come into the room she would close or shrink the window. She would always have to return to work, but before she would go she would always shave her legs….hmmm. I had suspicions for a few months but I always wanted to give her the benefit of doubt I even confronted her several times but she denied everything. I finally resorted to installing some software that logs all keystrokes on the computer. In one day I had every answer I had a question about and more. I found out that she had been seeing this guy for 9 months. Plus i found out that she started using drugs. That was last Sunday. After she came home on sunday (from going to a concert with this guy) I confronted her. She moved out on Monday. Before she left she said that she did not want it to be permanent and that she had broken up with the guy, but thanks to the software i found out that was another lie. I am going to a lawyer here soon, but why do I feel so guilty? I feel I should have done something different, should I give her another chance, just so many thoughts running around to the point of being numb. I just do not know, but I do know that I can not trust her and that is one of the most heartbreaking things right now. Thank you for letting me vent. Paradoxcow
Response:
Paradoxcow, I think you are having some of those "if ony I had" or "what could I have done" thoughts that typical when we find out spouse has gone elsewhere for love and companionship. We feel guilty because we think taht its somehow our fault, like the victim of a rape may feel she must have done something wrong. When a spouse betrays the trust we place in them, it is a psychological rape, and the fault is theirs. Sure, there may be stuff that we could have done differently, but second-guessing does not mutate the fact that it was the spouse who chose to surreptiously destroy the marriage rather than work on it. — ===Rog’=== Where there is sunshine, there is also shade. — Unknown
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I can relate to your story. My wife was doing the same thing as far as the work and cell phone go. Also with the lingerie, I was doing the wash and found some that I know I have never seen. She was always on the computer in chat rooms and when I would come into the room she would close or shrink the window. She would always have to return to work, but before she would go she would always shave her legs….hmmm. I had suspicions for a few months but I always wanted to give her the benefit of doubt I even confronted her several times but she denied everything. I finally resorted to installing some software that logs all keystrokes on the computer. In one day I had every answer I had a question about and more. I found out that she had been seeing this guy for 9 months. Plus i found out that she started using drugs. That was last Sunday. After she came home on sunday (from going to a concert with this guy) I confronted her. She moved out on Monday. Before she left she said that she did not want it to be permanent and that she had broken up with the guy, but thanks to the software i found out that was another lie. I am going to a lawyer here soon, but why do I feel so guilty? I feel I should have done something different, should I give her another chance, just so many thoughts running around to the point of being numb. I just do not know, but I do know that I can not trust her and that is one of the most heartbreaking things right now. Thank you for letting me vent. Paradoxcow
Response:
She has been shaving her legs more lately. I mentioned that and she got defensive. She started drinking booze again lately, after she said she’d stop. I told her I couldn’t stay with her if she was drinking again. She said she’d stop, again. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I can relate to your story. My wife was doing the same thing as far as the work and cell phone go. Also with the lingerie, I was doing the wash and found some that I know I have never seen. She was always on the computer in chat rooms and when I would come into the room she would close or shrink the window. She would always have to return to work, but before she would go she would always shave her legs….hmmm. I had suspicions for a few months but I always wanted to give her the benefit of doubt I even confronted her several times but she denied everything. I finally resorted to installing some software that logs all keystrokes on the computer. In one day I had every answer I had a question about and more. I found out that she had been seeing this guy for 9 months. Plus i found out that she started using drugs. That was last Sunday. After she came home on sunday (from going to a concert with this guy) I confronted her. She moved out on Monday. Before she left she said that she did not want it to be permanent and that she had broken up with the guy, but thanks to the software i found out that was another lie. I am going to a lawyer here soon, but why do I feel so guilty? I feel I should have done something different, should I give her another chance, just so many thoughts running around to the point of being numb. I just do not know, but I do know that I can not trust her and that is one of the most heartbreaking things right now. Thank you for letting me vent. Paradoxcow
Response:
She has been shaving her legs more lately. I mentioned that and she got defensive. She started drinking booze again lately, after she said she’d stop. I told her I couldn’t stay with her if she was drinking again. She said she’d stop, again. I can relate to your story. My wife was doing the same thing as far as the work and cell phone go. Also with the lingerie, I was doing the wash and found some that I know I have never seen.
I shave my legs almost daily. I also own some exotic lingerie that NOBODY has ever seen me wearing… And i’ve never cheated on anyone.. so you’ll have to look for more conclusive evidence, if you want to prove she’s cheating (even tho you can be pretty sure she is)…
Response:
I also own some exotic lingerie that NOBODY has ever seen me wearing…
AAAWWW, what a waste! What’s the point?!
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