Trauma – PTSD

Question:

weak maybe, i don’t know you well enough to make that call, worthless. definitely not, and that’s not just my opinion, several others here on the group feel the same. in my case, as far as normal goes, i simply consider myself  ab  normal (not a typo, a small attempt at a joke) ed — I used to be disgusted, Now I try to be amused

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – x-no-archive: yes I have no right to feel this way I’m weak I would be normal if I wasn’t so weak and worthless

Response:

depression doesn’t need an excuse or a reason. that is why it is an illness, because it creates sadness, feelings of worthlessness (etc, whatever) disproportionate to any problems (current or past) or even not in response to problems or circumstances at all. nothing bad ever happened to me (and, btw, losing your dad sounds pretty rough to me). ok, look at it this way, if you were all fucked up because of some awful and hideous event in your childhood, you might be suffering from post traumatic stress disorder or something. if you were feeling hopeless and suicidal and awful *now*, because you were being held hostage by terrorists in total isolation for the last year or something, that wouldn’t be depression either. i guess i’m saying it’s depression *because* it’s inappropriate (or something), and if you had good reasons to feel like you do then it probably wouldn’t be depression. it’s fucked up and cruel, but there aren’t answers for everything. there’s a strong trait in my family for mental illness, but that doesn’t explain why i’m sick and my sister isn’t. there’s no reason for that, and searching for one is a path down which madness lies. ——- please email me a copy of any response to me you post on asd. thanks ((hanging on in quiet desperation is the english way))

Response:

I’m never good enough, right enough, humble enough, independent enough, giving enough, strong enough, weak enough, predictable enough, flexible enough, fast enough, slow enough, cool enough, compassionate enough, strong-minded enough, open-minded enough. I feel like a huge, clumsy, ugly monster. A squawking chicken. A braying ass. To be me is wrong, to not be me is wrong. People tell me to be myself and not care what people think, that if I am myself, I’ll be liked and respected by enough people. Then they turn around and tell me what I’m doing wrong and should change so that I’ll be more like-able.

This is EXACTLY how I feel a lot of the time.trying,wanting to please everyone-with the emphasis on the word EVERYONE,and please everyone at the same time.therefore,feeling like I’m pulled in a million directions at once,and of cource when that happens you literally and figuratively get torn apart.It reminds me of a line from a Bob Dylan song that my therapist told me about.It goes something like:."Everyone tells me to be me,but they mean,be just like them."           "Alvintchase"

Response:

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