Question:
I have been in the same boat, so to speak. I was always the scrape- goat for my parents, always getting hit or screamed at. I live alone, and I love the peace and quiet, but I still show the nervous tendencies that I had when I lived with my mother and father. I always feel like Im on the defensive with everyone, and almost always on the edge…I often still feel like the piece of shit that they told me that I was……
That sounds pretty normal. Post traumatic stress disorder. I felt that way for a long time – but lots of time and work later I feel like that a lot less than I did. It has taken a lot of rebellion in my head against those thoughts. When they come up I’ve had to react to them like I did in real life "Hey! Don’t talk to me like that! I’m not going to listen to that!" And of course, there’s just the old adage that time heals wounds – it has finally started to sink in that I don’t live with them anymore and never will again. Even though almost every night I still have nightmares that I will. treat my kids with respect and love they deserve. Recently, my mother’s husband died. I did not care. Nothing changed in my life. I feel like God punished them for their sins agains me. I am much happier now since I live
I know the feeling – the "not caring" about a parent. I never bonded with my dad it seems like. I don’t ever miss him and I don’t believe I ever will. All I remember him as is this big scary creature that hurt me with no provocation. I’ve cried over wishing I had a father – but not over him. Although, I don’t think God punishes people for their sins. Case in point – my parents. After a childhood of sexual, physical, and emotional abuse, they are living quietly and happily and financially secure in their nice house. All the relatives have sided with them (down to my brother who was there for the whole thing) and I am the "black sheep" or exile of the family. It’s been struggle for me to make a living for myself while battling post traumtic stress syndrome, panic attacks, depression and agoraphobia. Money worries seem to be a normal never-changing aspect of my life. So, even though I’m quite happy to be away from them and their abuse, they don’t seem to be reaping anything from their actions. I like to think that eventually they will die and then the full impact of their lives and what they did will hit them. But as far as in this life – they seem quite comfortable. Julia – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – all by myself and do not get screamed at if I come home 2 minutes after the allowed time. I feel like ultimately everyone gets what they deserve. I do not know why I have gone through so much pain but it came to an end and a new phase of my life began. I am much happier. The point is, do not ever give up. Emotional abuse can have very bad consequences. In my case, it caused other problems, deep depression, terrible performance during sophomore and junior years at college (my current level), etc. The domino effect. I am only now begging to heal and realize how harmful this was. My mother is still in denial about everything. That is OK. She is unfit parent anyway. I do not care. She will never change because people generally do not change. The older I get the more cynical I become – about people, about everything. Especially about people. My advice – do WHATEVER it takes to get out from emotionally abusive relationships. That is all for now. . . .
Julia * http://havoc.gtf.gatech.edu/tankgrrl "Oh God, Mulder, it smells like… I think it’s bile." "Is there any way I can get it off my fingers quickly without betraying my cool exterior?"
Response:
I have been in the same boat, so to speak. I was always the scrape- goat for my parents, always getting hit or screamed at. I live alone, and I love the peace and quiet, but I still show the nervous tendencies that I had when I lived with my mother and father. I always feel like Im on the defensive with everyone, and almost always on the edge…I often still feel like the piece of shit that they told me that I was…… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My mother used to scream at me and beat me when I was about 10-12. Now I am 23 and I realize that she was an incompetent mother. The so-called "father" was not involved in my life at all. He had more important things to do. Later I found out he was not even my bio-father. My parents were a total failure. I will not repeat their mistakes. I will grow up normal and treat my kids with respect and love they deserve. Recently, my mother’s husband died. I did not care. Nothing changed in my life. I feel like God punished them for their sins agains me. I am much happier now since I live all by myself and do not get screamed at if I come home 2 minutes after the allowed time. I feel like ultimately everyone gets what they deserve. I do not know why I have gone through so much pain but it came to an end and a new phase of my life began. I am much happier. The point is, do not ever give up. Emotional abuse can have very bad consequences. In my case, it caused other problems, deep depression, terrible performance during sophomore and junior years at college (my current level), etc. The domino effect. I am only now begging to heal and realize how harmful this was. My mother is still in denial about everything. That is OK. She is unfit parent anyway. I do not care. She will never change because people generally do not change. The older I get the more cynical I become – about people, about everything. Especially about people. My advice – do WHATEVER it takes to get out from emotionally abusive relationships. That is all for now. . . .
Response:
My mother used to scream at me and beat me when I was about 10-12. Now I am 23 and I realize that she was an incompetent mother. The so-called "father" was not involved in my life at all. He had more important things to do. Later I found out he was not even my bio-father. My parents were a total failure. I will not repeat their mistakes. I will grow up normal and treat my kids with respect and love they deserve. Recently, my mother’s husband died. I did not care. Nothing changed in my life. I feel like God punished them for their sins agains me. I am much happier now since I live all by myself and do not get screamed at if I come home 2 minutes after the allowed time. I feel like ultimately everyone gets what they deserve. I do not know why I have gone through so much pain but it came to an end and a new phase of my life began. I am much happier. The point is, do not ever give up. Emotional abuse can have very bad consequences. In my case, it caused other problems, deep depression, terrible performance during sophomore and junior years at college (my current level), etc. The domino effect. I am only now begging to heal and realize how harmful this was. My mother is still in denial about everything. That is OK. She is unfit parent anyway. I do not care. She will never change because people generally do not change. The older I get the more cynical I become – about people, about everything. Especially about people. My advice – do WHATEVER it takes to get out from emotionally abusive relationships. That is all for now. . . .
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