Question:
Let me give you a brief overview of the situation again to refresh your memory: The last time I talked to my ex-girlfriend she said there’s really no chance, she’s not interested but wanted to stay in touch. I haven’t written her at all yet, was gonna wait for a bit. Well, then Mother’s Day hit me…you see I have a son and she was a second mom to him, he even called her mommalou. She was a terrific mom to him, she loved him and he her. I however didn’t make it real easy on her, didn’t give her all the space as a parent she needed, over ruled her judgements, etc. Well this mothers day would have been her first mother’s day and I want her to know that she really was a good mom to my son, that she did a lot for him, and by her leaving and telling me the things she did (basically set me straight that I was raising him to be a brat) things are now really going great with him he’s doing the things we had struggled with. I want her to know she was a great mother, deserves to feel special on mothers day, and that my son is doing really well. Is that too pushy? Too heavy? I also don’t want her to feel guilty for leaving, she should have left even if I don’t agree that she needed to leave forever. And I am aware that I have to be careful of what I say- I know I have to be sure that I am not verbally or emotionally abusive. I just think she deserves to feel extra special on Mother’s day, she gave a lot to my son, probably more than she realizes. So what do you think? Should I write her? What do I say or not say? Thanks. Michael
Response:
I have been trying to get more information about Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I found the name of the newsgroup above, but when I tried to access it, my server says "non-existant newsgroup". Is it non-existant, or is it just that my provider doesn’t carry it? If there are other suggestions for learning more about PTSD, I would be very grateful for any suggestions. A person very close to me may be suffering from this, & I have no idea how to respond appropriately, what to expect, what can be done about it, or how best to be supportive.
Response:
writes: My concerns are that 1. It will sound like I am asking her back and that’s not what I want, that would only push her away more and
Certainly a valid thought. Maybe just putting a little note in there that you understand that she has moved on with her life and that you respect her for her decision, but that you felt it was important to recognize her for her efforts with your son? 2. That I don’t want to be too heavy. The last time I wrote her (before she said she didn’t want a relationship) she said it was too heavy and that I wasn’t giving her the space she asked for.
Well, certainly I don’t think I would be too thrilled to receive a note from an ex that was mushy. You don’t have to make it mushy to make it a good thank you. Now I know she said to keep in touch, but I just wonder if she was being polite…she hasn’t done the friendliest things in the world since she called it off (ie. pulling all my money out of my account), so that’s what’s kinda confusing.
Confusing?!?! I would say so. That doesn’t seem like a very friendly thing to do. It is kind of hostile. I think I probably will write her, because I do want her to know what she did for Tyler, she was really really good for him. I’d love to send her flowers in his name, but I just don’t want to over do it at all. It’s hard to see this from the outside when I am standing in the middle of it all.
Maybe the flowers aren’t such a good idea if you think she will be paraniod that they are really from you. Maybe a simple card of thanks for all you done is more in order. Anyway, let me know if it all works out. K? Thanks for your thoughts.
You are very welcome!!!! Michael
Lace "Keep your words sweet, in case you have to eat them." Proverb <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Response:
I have been trying to get more information about Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I found the name of the newsgroup above, but when I tried to access it, my server says "non-existant newsgroup". Is it non-existant, or is it just that my provider doesn’t carry it? If there are other suggestions for learning more about PTSD, I would be very grateful for any suggestions. A person very close to me may be suffering from this, & I have no idea how to respond appropriately, what to expect, what can be done about it, or how best to be supportive.
if it is from sexual abuse you should read Courage To Heal by Laura Davis also trauma and recovery by Judith Hermans if it is from war trauma i am not sure what to recommend Heather
Response:
I think you should let your son send her a card, if he wants to, and perhaps write her a letter telling her basically what you told us. Tell her that she really did a great job with your son, and that you appreciate it, and that it has made a difference.
Let me give you a brief overview of the situation again to refresh your memory: The last time I talked to my ex-girlfriend she said there’s really no chance, she’s not interested but wanted to stay in touch. I haven’t written her at all yet, was gonna wait for a bit. Well, then Mother’s Day hit me…you see I have a son and she was a second mom to him, he even called her mommalou. She was a terrific mom to him, she loved him and he her. I however didn’t make it real easy on her, didn’t give her all the space as a parent she needed, over ruled her judgements, etc. Well this mothers day would have been her first mother’s day and I want her to know that she really was a good mom to my son, that she did a lot for him, and by her leaving and telling me the things she did (basically set me straight that I was raising him to be a brat) things are now really going great with him he’s doing the things we had struggled with. I want her to know she was a great mother, deserves to feel special on mothers day, and that my son is doing really well. Is that too pushy? Too heavy? I also don’t want her to feel guilty for leaving, she should have left even if I don’t agree that she needed to leave forever. And I am aware that I have to be careful of what I say- I know I have to be sure that I am not verbally or emotionally abusive. I just think she deserves to feel extra special on Mother’s day, she gave a lot to my son, probably more than she realizes. So what do you think? Should I write her? What do I say or not say? Thanks. Michael Peace… Valerie Whittle
Response:
Michael, My thoughts, for what they are worth to you, are that she wanted to stay in touch. Correct? If this is the case then you do have the option of writing to her. Maybe sending a picture of the boy and letting her know how much you appreciate her setting you straight with raising techniques. I would consider carefully what you write so that it doesn’t sound like you are playing a guilt trip on her or asking her to come back to you. You might find that having another person read it, before you send it, will help. Another idea – send her flowers from your son. Not from you – from your son. I think if you keep the focus on your son, she won’t get offended. I can’t promise this because I don’t know her. But it is worth a shot. Good luck to you. Take Care!!! Lace writes: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Let me give you a brief overview of the situation again to refresh your memory: The last time I talked to my ex-girlfriend she said there’s really no chance, she’s not interested but wanted to stay in touch. I haven’t written her at all yet, was gonna wait for a bit. Well, then Mother’s Day hit me…you see I have a son and she was a second mom to him, he even called her mommalou. She was a terrific mom to him, she loved him and he her. I however didn’t make it real easy on her, didn’t give her all the space as a parent she needed, over ruled her judgements, etc. Well this mothers day would have been her first mother’s day and I want her to know that she really was a good mom to my son, that she did a lot for him, and by her leaving and telling me the things she did (basically set me straight that I was raising him to be a brat) things are now really going great with him he’s doing the things we had struggled with. I want her to know she was a great mother, deserves to feel special on mothers day, and that my son is doing really well. Is that too pushy? Too heavy? I also don’t want her to feel guilty for leaving, she should have left even if I don’t agree that she needed to leave forever. And I am aware that I have to be careful of what I say- I know I have to be sure that I am not verbally or emotionally abusive. I just think she deserves to feel extra special on Mother’s day, she gave a lot to my son, probably more than she realizes. So what do you think? Should I write her? What do I say or not say? Thanks. Michael
"Keep your words sweet, in case you have to eat them." Proverb <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Response:
Michael, My thoughts, for what they are worth to you, are that she wanted to stay in touch. Correct? If this is the case then you do have the option of writing to her. Maybe sending a picture of the boy and letting her know how much you appreciate her setting you straight with raising techniques. I would consider carefully what you write so that it doesn’t sound like you are playing a guilt trip on her or asking her to come back to you. You might find that having another person read it, before you send it, will help. Another idea – send her flowers from your son. Not from you – from your son. I think if you keep the focus on your son, she won’t get offended. I can’t promise this because I don’t know her. But it is worth a shot. Good luck to you.
My concerns are that 1. It will sound like I am asking her back and that’s not what I want, that would only push her away more and 2. That I don’t want to be too heavy. The last time I wrote her (before she said she didn’t want a relationship) she said it was too heavy and that I wasn’t giving her the space she asked for. Now I know she said to keep in touch, but I just wonder if she was being polite…she hasn’t done the friendliest things in the world since she called it off (ie. pulling all my money out of my account), so that’s what’s kinda confusing. I think I probably will write her, because I do want her to know what she did for Tyler, she was really really good for him. I’d love to send her flowers in his name, but I just don’t want to over do it at all. It’s hard to see this from the outside when I am standing in the middle of it all. Thanks for your thoughts. Michael
If you like this post and would like to receive updates from this blog, please subscribe our feed.