Trauma – PTSD

Question:

Ok look, here’s the thing.  I’m not here to flame you.  You seem to be having a good time asking your questions but without really understanding anything about the people you’re talking to. Spoilered for candid opinions about probably unintentional but way inapropriate things to discuss. And *WARNING WARNING!!!*  I get used VERY inappropriate examples for discussions about r*pe. 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 o 0 0 This is not a criticism, just an observation from your posts.  You have no idea how DID comes about.  Nor do you seem to know anything about how PTSD can manifest. DID is usually the result of SEVERE childhood trauma. SEVERE!!! Most often, but not always, repeated s*xual and physical abuse. So the brain, as a way of dealing with these types of situations involuntarily splits.  Fragments.  You can call it denial, you can call it protection, you can call it amnesia, -whatever.  It’s one thing to have a philosophical discussion about "what does it feel like to switch", "how do you get throught the day with 20 people in your head?" etc. But bear in mind that you are talking to people who are/have been traumatized by something truly horrible.  Even if it happened years ago, those incidents can be triggered.  Flashbacks happen all the time.  Crying in fetal positions and not knowing exactly why, just knowing you’re terrified of "something".  Usually, I would bet that even if the personality your talking to isn’t displaying these symptoms, one of thier alters IS. Possibly even the whole time you’re talking to them.  Would you walk up to a r*pe victim and say "how did it feel to be r*ped?".  If it happened repeatedly over months, years, would you say to them "Ok, it’s been about a year since this happened… I think you should be over it by now." Would you even say "arent’ you glad it happened?  I mean it made you stronger. It must be pretty cool to be a r*pe survivor!  I think it must be really great!  Too bad we all can’t get r*ped repeatedly so we can be like you." and "I think all children should go through this on a repeated basis because it might be kind of cool to see what develops in the long run." Now, again, you abviously don’t realize you’re doing something similar to this and I am not trying to criticize you, just inform you. Can you imagine if you actually heard somebody say this?  You would think "I can’t believe he just said that.." "what an idiot!"  "what a jerk!"  "This guy is totally insensitive",  "How can he ask or even think to say a question like that.." "obviously he knows nothing about this area and has no clue" etc.  This is why people are telling you to go read a book. Again, I know this sounds harsh.  I’m not trying to attack you, just pointing out that this is the type of response some of your actions are getting, and I’m trying to explain why. Philosophical discussion is one thing.  But some things are going to invoke anger even if you say "well how do I know unless I ask… I’m trying to learn."  You need to know a little bit about the history of this disorder and the people you are talking to going into this so that you can phrase your questions more appropriately. Being DID in and of itself *may* be kind of cool, and an interesting phenomenon, but what *causes* someone to be that way is anything but. It’s not a "mental" thing that someone wakes up with genetically.  This is the part that you don’t seem to be grasping, and this is why people are getting angry at you sometimes. Nobody that you are talking to with DID doesn’t have a horrifying history somewhere along the line.  Nobody.  NO BODY!!!  Keep this in mind.  It’s true.  It is the very nature of this phenomenon. *What* that trauma is may differ among people but it’s there in every single case. You compare some of these people to war veterans??? Some war veterans had it easy compared to what’s gone on here. Some of these people may even BE war veterans.   It’s not that nobody here wants to be DID.  It’s all some people know and it works ok for some.  Some even like it.  But nobody likes how they got there.  Nobody CHOSE this. And it’s not so easy to seperate the cause (trauma) from the effect (DID). Sometimes incidents that are percieved to be similar to the traumtic even can trigger severe (read scary/s*icidal- not fun) DID alters to surface without the host’s control.  Sometimes an alter itself can inadvertantly place the individual back into a similar traumatic event WITHOUT the knowledge of the other alters.  Imagine what it’s like to be reliving that in some way over and over again throughout your life.  The trauma can still be very present in that person’s life in one way or another and it can be a very "current" aspect of the life of a person who dissociates.  It’s all woven in very tightly together.  It isn’t always  "ok, so this happend a long time ago and now it’s over, and so now you just happen to have DID, but the other stuff doesn’t really play a part anymore."  It doesn’t work that way. More on how you phrase questions: Would you walk up to a person with cerebral palsy or any form of severe muscle twitch and say "You could probably really stop that if you just TRIED". Would you say that to some poor handicapped teenager who’s self conscious and tried thier whole life to control these involuntary twitches just to be able to "fit in". This is kind of like the stuff you’re asking sometimes. Sometimes you make it sound like it’s a choice. Is there a way to phrase questions like that a little better?  Sure, possibly. Think about it.  THINK of a way to ask what you want to know so you can get the information you’re looking for without offending people.  It’s an important skill to develop.  Start with something like  "I really don’t understand what this must be like.  Is there anybody who would be willing to explain this?" And don’t think because you approached something tactfully once that it’s enough. You need to do it every time. You should really really read a little bit on PTSD and DID.  The two are often correlated. Do some searches on the web even.  Read some of the books suggested.  And *think* about how you phrase some of your questions.  You still may slip up some times.  But just THINK when you write… "is there ANYTHING about my question or response to this person that may sound insensitive."  Anything that may sound *like* or trigger a response similar to a question like "arent’ you glad you got r*ped?" And if someone gets angry at you about something you posted or seems defensive, LEARN from that.  You may think "what the heck is THEIR problem?!!" And it’s true, sometimes it may just be thier problem!  But first, look back over what you said to trigger that response, and look carefully.  See what you might have unintentionally said to offend that person.  Listen to what they’re telling you about what made them angry about your post. It’s still information even if it’s not the information you were asking for.  The information may simply be "gee, whenever I ask something about bla bla bla, people get all weird for no reason! I don’t know what their big deal is but obviously some of these people have a major problem when it comes to this!"   -yeah…. THAT’s the message. Learn. I hope some of what I’ve said has clarified some stuff and that you’re able to absorb it.  It doesn’t seem to me like anybody here thinks you’re really out to be a negative influence. More like they want to throw a glass of water in your face and say WAKE UP!!! And some of them are losing thier patience. Think about some of what I’ve said.  Heck, save it and print it out.  Read some of the responses people have posted to you in the context of what I’ve written above and just keep it in the back of your head.  If you could just "get" this, learn a little more, and redirect your inquisitiveness, you could end up being a valuable assett to this very specialized type of community some day. Oh, and by the way… these are all just MHO everyone is entitled to their own HO. Okee dokeee… Geeze his was long!  signing off! -Melissa

Response:

Dear Melissa, your really long letter was so good. cause of translation problems I cannot say all, what i am thinking, but i suppose, i can give my experiences to the asd. , , , , , , , , , , , , , I had bad experiences in my selfexperience group, with so called normal ppl, trying to becom T

Related Posts