Question:
My self-confidence has taken a MAJOR nosedive, and my frustration level is at it’s worst. I really wonder if much of this may be a result of a number of developmental disabilities I had as a child. I was a ‘pre-mature’ baby…4 pounds, 3 ounces..had major problems with speech, gross and fine motor skills, comprehension, and math. I mean *major* problems. I was held back a few grades for that. I also had a very nasty lisp. I wonder if those things are stored in my mind causing some dysfunction, causing many other problems in different ways..but all leading to my ‘dys-functional’ state. I am the kind of guy who can burst out in tears in seconds, and I have a MAJOR, MAJOR fear of loss. A couple of very important people to me died starting at a young age, and I have always ‘clung’ onto friends, onto partners in romantic relationships. Loss ‘always’ triggers suicidal thoughts in me. Obviously, that scares people away. The thing is…I have a VERY high empathy and forgiveness level. I am VERY concerned about fairness…equality…and the fact that people have a *right* to make mistakes. Yes..some horrific…but it makes no sence carrying around hate. I may now get my turn at my first hospitalization. An interesting story…One of my Dad’s friends, who is a very successful accountant, just spent a week at Homewood Psychiatric hospital just outside of Toronto. Since we get free medical care here in Canada, I may have the chance to go to some of the best hospitals in the world, including the Canadian Addiction and Mental Health Centre, associated with the University of Toronto, and/or the Hamilton Psychiatric Hospital, associated with McMaster University. If there are any people with experiences at these places…I would please love to hear your stories. Please post them. Good or bad..it doesn’t matter. Thanks so much… Jay
Response:
My self-confidence has taken a MAJOR nosedive, and my frustration level is at it’s worst.
Hello Jay, I empathize with your feelings your having right now & so I am sorry you’re going through this. I know, it sux. I really wonder if much of this may be a result of a number of developmental disabilities I had as a child. I was a ‘pre-mature’ baby…4 pounds, 3 ounces..had major problems with speech, gross and fine motor skills, comprehension, and math. I mean *major* problems. I was held back a few grades for that. I also had a very nasty lisp. I wonder if those things are stored in my mind causing some dysfunction, causing many other problems in different ways..but all leading to my ‘dys-functional’ state.
(Keep in mind my lack of professional qualification). I’d tell you it really doesn’t matter "what kind or color of car it was that blind sided you as you were walking down the street of life", as it’s too late for that – it already happened – it’s over & done, & you now *must* deal with "picking up the pieces". You are attempting to do this very thing by writing this post, so you’re on the right track, the way I see it. I am the kind of guy who can burst out in tears in seconds, and I have a MAJOR, MAJOR fear of loss. A couple of very important people to me died starting at a young age, and I have always ‘clung’ onto friends, onto partners in romantic relationships. Loss ‘always’ triggers suicidal thoughts in me. Obviously, that scares people away. The thing is…I have a VERY high empathy and forgiveness level. I am VERY concerned about fairness…equality…and the fact that people have a *right* to make mistakes. Yes..some horrific…but it makes no sence carrying around hate.
I am the same, for the most part. There’s a couple different things with me (I don’t cling – it’s both of our losses if any relationship fails). I will add that I’ve noticed throughout the years that when anyone’s "need is greater than their love", it’s a red flag about them, & has little to do with their significant other. Beingfeeling needy isn’t good, nor is it being fully honest. I *do* feel needy sometimes too, but I recognize it & try to admitwork on it. (not saying you don’t). One thing that doesn’t change, regardless of any disorder or NOT, is that the deepest levels of self control & honesty are mankinds two most difficult taskschallanges (imo). Secondly, my physical losses (3) have occurred in the last 10 yrs (2 of them within the last 2 yrs). And while I realize it makes no sense to carry around hate, I "keep tabs" forever. I know, it’s useless, & I’m getting better about it (finally), but still have a long way to go. It sounds to me like you are a very sincere, genuine, & loving person. That’s *real*, & is A LOT to be able to hold onto, by itself. You need to keep reminding yourself of this when you’re down like this. It’s of Biblical proportion. It’s essence. Draw a line in the sand & separate things & start "hanging out" on the preferred side, trying to push the other side away. I may now get my turn at my first hospitalization. An interesting story…One of my Dad’s friends, who is a very successful accountant, just spent a week at Homewood Psychiatric hospital just outside of Toronto. Since we get free medical care here in Canada, I may have the chance to go to some of the best hospitals in the world, including the Canadian Addiction and Mental Health Centre, associated with the University of Toronto, and/or the Hamilton Psychiatric Hospital, associated with McMaster University.
You are quite fortunate for this. I’d jump on it if I were you. Maybe your Dad or his friend can be your helper in this matter. If there are any people with experiences at these places…I would please love to hear your stories. Please post them. Good or bad..it doesn’t matter. Thanks so much… Jay
Well I don’t have any experiences at these places, but I wanted to write you anyway, especially since it doesn’t appear to have been responded to by anyone else, yet. This is the only time I will crosspost to you, as I only hang out in asdm.I don’t know which of these groups you hang out in, & wanted you to see this. Good luck to you & I hope you feel better soon.
Response:
Hi Jay! If you feel you want to go, please do so because it sounds like a good opportunity to get a lot of things checked out. I live in Toronto too, but I’m a US citizen so I can’t take advantage of the free medical care here and wish I could. Please let us know how you make out. I wish I had some stories for you. :-) Hugs, Di
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My self-confidence has taken a MAJOR nosedive, and my frustration level is at it’s worst. I really wonder if much of this may be a result of a number of developmental disabilities I had as a child. I was a ‘pre-mature’ baby…4 pounds, 3 ounces..had major problems with speech, gross and fine motor skills, comprehension, and math. I mean *major* problems. I was held back a few grades for that. I also had a very nasty lisp. I wonder if those things are stored in my mind causing some dysfunction, causing many other problems in different ways..but all leading to my ‘dys-functional’ state. I am the kind of guy who can burst out in tears in seconds, and I have a MAJOR, MAJOR fear of loss. A couple of very important people to me died starting at a young age, and I have always ‘clung’ onto friends, onto partners in romantic relationships. Loss ‘always’ triggers suicidal thoughts in me. Obviously, that scares people away. The thing is…I have a VERY high empathy and forgiveness level. I am VERY concerned about fairness…equality…and the fact that people have a *right* to make mistakes. Yes..some horrific…but it makes no sence carrying around hate. I may now get my turn at my first hospitalization. An interesting story…One of my Dad’s friends, who is a very successful accountant, just spent a week at Homewood Psychiatric hospital just outside of Toronto. Since we get free medical care here in Canada, I may have the chance to go to some of the best hospitals in the world, including the Canadian Addiction and Mental Health Centre, associated with the University of Toronto, and/or the Hamilton Psychiatric Hospital, associated with McMaster University. If there are any people with experiences at these places…I would please love to hear your stories. Please post them. Good or bad..it doesn’t matter. Thanks so much… Jay
Response:
I wonder if those things are stored in my mind causing some dysfunction, causing many other problems in different ways..but all leading to my ‘dys-functional’ state.
hi jay. hope ya dont mind a coment. to me, bottom line, if you are disfunctional, the only thing important is getting functional again. or at least to where you can control and enjoy your own life. whatever it takes; of course you want to know whats happening and make sure it really is gonna be ‘good’ for -you-, not somebody else who thinks you should be behaving different. they should be concerned about -you-, and you feeling better. if they dont seem to care about that, they are not the right people, imo……. I am the kind of guy who can burst out in tears in seconds,
that is great. the strongest men that i know are the ones that cry when they want to. be happy for that and cry as much as you can. i think it makes you feel better. and I have a MAJOR, MAJOR fear of loss. A couple of very important people to me died starting at a young age, and I have always ‘clung’ onto friends, onto partners in romantic relationships. Loss ‘always’ triggers suicidal thoughts in me.
sounds like grief issues. them -can- be dealt with -at times- by ‘talk therapy’ imo….. I may now get my turn at my first hospitalization. An interesting story…One of my Dad’s friends, who is a very successful accountant, just spent a week at Homewood Psychiatric hospital just outside of Toronto. Since we get free medical care here in Canada, I may have the chance to go to some of the best hospitals in the world, including the Canadian Addiction and Mental Health Centre, associated with the University of Toronto, and/or the Hamilton Psychiatric Hospital, associated with McMaster University.
hospital, is a good hospital. that could be really great for you. If there are any people with experiences at these places…I would please love to hear your stories. Please post them. Good or bad..it doesn’t matter.
well otoh jay, a bad hospital, is a bad hospital. do NOT go to one of those. i repeat, do NOT go to one of those. <psssssht over, and out. good luck…… anna Thanks so much… Jay
– "it is so easy to return to our spirit world from where we came. life is not easy. but life is not nearly so hard when we honor the self…."
Response:
Hi Jay, Some time back I picked up a book called Asylum, by Erving Goffman. Recently, as I’ve finally been able to read serious stuff, so I began reading it. And yesterday I asked my psychologist about it. The book is 40 years old, and written in overly complex language, even for a scientific paper. To my distress, it’s not only an important classic, it’s a current reference as well. It’s a very scary book. It show that, and how, patients committed to "total institutions" (like mental institutions and jails) become "mental patients", and no longer just people with a mental disorder. Even a non-disordered person would emerge as a "mental patient". I’ve been an in-patient for alcohol addiction. I didn’t like it, but it was voluntary, time limited, and I could walk away if I wanted. That in-patient experience was just what I needed, and I’ve been clean and sober for over 10 years now. If "going into Hospital" means a program you take voluntarily without giving up any of your rights, it could very well be the best thing you could do. Letting go of day to day responsibilities so you can focus on your mental health can be a great benefit to you. Just be careful that’s all you’re being asked to do. Another thing I’d like to point out to you, is that our society does not give much respect to intuition. People are expected to see what’s right in front of your eyes – focused and detailed; not what’s interconnected and holistic. Two thirds of people take in information this way. Of the other third, more than half are rational, logical, linear thinkers. Only about one eighth of people are mostly intuitive. Most doctors and most patients are not primarily intuitive. If you’re one, you’re likely to be mis-understood. If you can get hold of it, "Please Understand Me" by David Keirsey, is a valuable book for some self definition. Check out what he defines as ENFP – a people loving, intuitive observing, intuitive thinker/feeler who is non-judgemental. An odd characteristic of this personality is sometimes a "shamanistic world view", where things don’t begin and end but change form, like a braided river. Another important book for me was "The Drama of the Gifted Child" by Alice Miller. That gift it refers to is the ability to read parents etc, so you can give them what they want. The gift is empathy. It is often required in a traumatic childhood to survive. Best wishes for you, Christina
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My self-confidence has taken a MAJOR nosedive, and my frustration level is at it’s worst. I really wonder if much of this may be a result of a number of developmental disabilities I had as a child. I was a ‘pre-mature’ baby…4 pounds, 3 ounces..had major problems with speech, gross and fine motor skills, comprehension, and math. I mean *major* problems. I was held back a few grades for that. I also had a very nasty lisp. I wonder if those things are stored in my mind causing some dysfunction, causing many other problems in different ways..but all leading to my ‘dys-functional’ state. I am the kind of guy who can burst out in tears in seconds, and I have a MAJOR, MAJOR fear of loss. A couple of very important people to me died starting at a young age, and I have always ‘clung’ onto friends, onto partners in romantic relationships. Loss ‘always’ triggers suicidal thoughts in me. Obviously, that scares people away. The thing is…I have a VERY high empathy and forgiveness level. I am VERY concerned about fairness…equality…and the fact that people have a *right* to make mistakes. Yes..some horrific…but it makes no sence carrying around hate. I may now get my turn at my first hospitalization. An interesting story…One of my Dad’s friends, who is a very successful accountant, just spent a week at Homewood Psychiatric hospital just outside of Toronto. Since we get free medical care here in Canada, I may have the chance to go to some of the best hospitals in the world, including the Canadian Addiction and Mental Health Centre, associated with the University of Toronto, and/or the Hamilton Psychiatric Hospital, associated with McMaster University. If there are any people with experiences at these places…I would please love to hear your stories. Please post them. Good or bad..it doesn’t matter. Thanks so much… Jay
Response:
If there are any people with experiences at these places…I would please love to hear your stories. Please post them. Good or bad..it doesn’t matter.
The hospital is always such a negative experience for me because it takes so much away…everything in fact. I don’t like not being in control of my life even if I am sick. I try to avoid the hospital at all costs, even if it costs me my life. My doctor doesn’t quite agree with me (hhrmph) and I *just* spent a week in the hospital because I was having a major depressive episode and acting on suicidal ideation as well as not eating and losing a lot of weight. It sucked, just like every other time I’ve been there. They treat you like a child and sometimes like a dog, but I don’t really want to get into it too much right now, I’m kinda tired. Only you can decide what’s right for you (although my doctor made the decision for me when I went in there this time, which only added to my frustration because I don’t like being forced into a situation I don’t want to be in plus being sick on top of it.), some people have good experiences at the hospital, but I don’t see how.
Response:
I have experience with such places. The staff there handles people at grave risk–suicidals, substance abusers, shell-shocked vets, psychotics. These facilities exist for people who, were it not for treatment, would be homeless or dead. They’re not dysfunctional. They’re non-functional. Like all hospitals, the primary purpose of a psychiatric hospital is to save lives. To put things in perspective, here are some of the people in your mandatory group therapy session (a composite of mine). To your left is a policeman who shot a teenage boy and watched him die, writhing and crying for his mother. His room is near yours, so you’re awakened by his nightly terrors and the muffled, reassuring voices of the evening staff attending to him. To your right is a woman who, shaking, pushes her chair away from you when you sit down. She was so savagely beaten by her ex-husband that she panics when any man makes eye contact or comes close enough to touch her. Across from you is a girl of 20 who just survived her third suicide attempt. She’s telling the group that her parents visited today, dropped off some magazines and told her not to call them any more. When they come around to you, what will you say? I’m not trivializing your problems. It sounds like you would benefit tremendously from outpatient therapy. A psychiatric hospital is a place to go for acute care, a place you’re brought to in an ambulance or referred to by a doctor gravely concerned for your safety. People who would be better off in therapy derive no long-term benefit from hospitalization. The staff at the hospital understands that and you will be sent home very soon after you check in (if you’re admitted at all) with a list of private shrinks. You will not get the attention or empathy you expect. It will be a deeply disappointing experience for you. I strongly advise that you not go to a psychiatric hospital unless a psychiatrist or psychologist tells you it’s your only remaining option. Good luck.
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