Question:
Don’t know what to say really. Yes, I do remember the song. Surprised you do if you are only in your 20’s. I guess the piece about abuse staying with you your whole life is what got to me. It is so very true. When my mother went into a nursing home with alzheimer’s she would live in the past, her young adulthood mostly. She would sometimes…a lot of times…talk about conflicts with her "Ma and Pa" or just ask about them. It overwhelmed me that awesome power and effect being a parent has…for a woman in her 80’s to be still wound up in that stuff. Her mother died over 40 years ago…her father 25 years ago yet the control.. the power…it was still there. Mind boggling. I too put up or thought i did, the facade of being mature and normal hiding all the bad stuff. Avoiding..running actually, from relationships. Content or so I believed within myself. Traumatic, yes abuse has a long tail…far reaching. And, it hurts…it is that emptiness… that void that is so painful. Just some comments. E Abuse is worse than people think. It’s a very traumatic experience that stays with you your whole life. Whether you deal with it or not. The time goes by so slowly and with every minute that ticks by, feels like my life is slipping away from my reach. I’ve become very closed and distance myself from the outside world. And I’m only just learning to be a grown up. People say that I’m a very level-headed and mature young woman. But, it’s what I hide underneath the surface that worries me. It hurts to think about what’s happened to me that I keep it all hidden deep down within. I’ve done stupid things. All the pent up emotions of confusion mixed with anger and pain. The eyes are the window to your soul. Actions or words don’t always tell you about a person but the eyes hide a different story.
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I’m new to this newsgroup. At the moment, I’d like to stay anonymous. I just want to say what I have to say and maybe get feedback. It’s hard enough growing up but when you have other things to think about it’s even harder. I’m only just in my early-20’s. I lost my mum and I’ve got a history of being abused, in all aspects of the word. It’s hard to know my own mind when I’m still trying to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. I wouldn’t wish any of this on anyone, not even my worst enemy. It’s something no one should have to go through. Abuse is worse than people think. It’s a very traumatic experience that stays with you your whole life. Whether you deal with it or not. I talk about it sometimes but it’s not easy to bear your heart and soul to someone. This way is more comfortable for me. I have so much on my mind. The pain gets too much that I almost don’t feel it. I go past caring about my well-being, I just shift into overdrive and burn. I don’t feel settled. I’ve never felt secure. I come from a broken home and I was brought up in a single-parent household. But, it was a good upbringing. My late mother taught me well. I get insomnia a lot. The time goes by so slowly and with every minute that ticks by, feels like my life is slipping away from my reach. I’ve become very closed and distance myself from the outside world. And I’m only just learning to be a grown up. People say that I’m a very level-headed and mature young woman. But, it’s what I hide underneath the surface that worries me. It hurts to think about what’s happened to me that I keep it all hidden deep down within. In my subconscious. I’ve done stupid things. I don’t know how to calm this uneasy feeling inside me. I get anxiety attacks and at times I stay in my room all day. I get so tired from crying or hurting. I haven’t cried in a while. It takes a lot out of a person. All the pent up emotions of confusion mixed with anger and pain. I can’t describe how it feels but the anxiety attacks are strange. My chest gets very tight and I can’t breathe. Then it stops for a moment or so then starts again. I’ve learned not to fight it. It’s a pain that is never-ending even when on the surface everything appears to be alright. Has anyone heard that song, ‘Tracks Of My Tears’, I can’t remember what the artist is called. But there’s a line that goes, "…Take a good look at my face, you’ll see my smile looks out of place. If you look closer it’s easy to trace the tracks of my tears…" The eyes are the window to your soul. Actions or words don’t always tell you about a person but the eyes hide a different story.
Amen youngster. I’m 60 and my wife 55. Both from abusive backgrounds. At least you are past the "I’m FINE" stage, that’s progress. I don’t know if all the crap goes away, but most of it does, IF treated. Find a professional you can trust. I know that is difficult, but necessary. You learned three rules, whether you are aware of them or not, they are; 1. Don’t Feel 2 Don’t talk 3 don’t trust You’ve broken #2 out of desperation I would guess and there’s no room left to stuff any more feelings, ie your attacks. Seek a pro NOW! Please don’t live with this alone. I did for 40 years until Alcoholism nearly killed me. I believe your attacks are called PTSD (Post Trauma Stress Disorder) Mine was stomach cramps so bad I would pass out. I saw a psychologist in 1990 and no attacks since 91. I continued treatment for two years and still keep in touch though my shrink now lives in Kansas and I in Iowa. Another song you might identify with is "Broken Toys" The toughest part of abuse, is we pass it on to our own kids. I know that makes no sense, but it is nearly 100% true. I will leave our e-mail and mention you to her. If you feel like writing her do so. Her name is Rose Best of everything Gary
Response:
Hi Alan, I can only speak for myself, but I am with you. When you feel the need then you will find that you can let us have a contact address for you, but only when you feel ready. Welcome to the group. You have made the most important step by coming here, now your healing can begin. Chemer27 http://www.geocities.com/CapitolHill/2212/ – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi, I’m new to this newsgroup. At the moment, I’d like to stay anonymous. I just want to say what I have to say and maybe get feedback. It’s hard enough growing up but when you have other things to think about it’s even harder. I’m only just in my early-20’s. I lost my mum and I’ve got a history of being abused, in all aspects of the word. It’s hard to know my own mind when I’m still trying to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. I wouldn’t wish any of this on anyone, not even my worst enemy. It’s something no one should have to go through. Abuse is worse than people think. It’s a very traumatic experience that stays with you your whole life. Whether you deal with it or not. I talk about it sometimes but it’s not easy to bear your heart and soul to someone. This way is more comfortable for me. I have so much on my mind. The pain gets too much that I almost don’t feel it. I go past caring about my well-being, I just shift into overdrive and burn. I don’t feel settled. I’ve never felt secure. I come from a broken home and I was brought up in a single-parent household. But, it was a good upbringing. My late mother taught me well. I get insomnia a lot. The time goes by so slowly and with every minute that ticks by, feels like my life is slipping away from my reach. I’ve become very closed and distance myself from the outside world. And I’m only just learning to be a grown up. People say that I’m a very level-headed and mature young woman. But, it’s what I hide underneath the surface that worries me. It hurts to think about what’s happened to me that I keep it all hidden deep down within. In my subconscious. I’ve done stupid things. I don’t know how to calm this uneasy feeling inside me. I get anxiety attacks and at times I stay in my room all day. I get so tired from crying or hurting. I haven’t cried in a while. It takes a lot out of a person. All the pent up emotions of confusion mixed with anger and pain. I can’t describe how it feels but the anxiety attacks are strange. My chest gets very tight and I can’t breathe. Then it stops for a moment or so then starts again. I’ve learned not to fight it. It’s a pain that is never-ending even when on the surface everything appears to be alright. Has anyone heard that song, ‘Tracks Of My Tears’, I can’t remember what the artist is called. But there’s a line that goes, "…Take a good look at my face, you’ll see my smile looks out of place. If you look closer it’s easy to trace the tracks of my tears…" The eyes are the window to your soul. Actions or words don’t always tell you about a person but the eyes hide a different story.
Response:
Welcome to the group! Yolanda – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi, I’m new to this newsgroup. At the moment, I’d like to stay anonymous. I just want to say what I have to say and maybe get feedback. It’s hard enough growing up but when you have other things to think about it’s even harder. I’m only just in my early-20’s. I lost my mum and I’ve got a history of being abused, in all aspects of the word. It’s hard to know my own mind when I’m still trying to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. I wouldn’t wish any of this on anyone, not even my worst enemy. It’s something no one should have to go through. Abuse is worse than people think. It’s a very traumatic experience that stays with you your whole life. Whether you deal with it or not. I talk about it sometimes but it’s not easy to bear your heart and soul to someone. This way is more comfortable for me. I have so much on my mind. The pain gets too much that I almost don’t feel it. I go past caring about my well-being, I just shift into overdrive and burn. I don’t feel settled. I’ve never felt secure. I come from a broken home and I was brought up in a single-parent household. But, it was a good upbringing. My late mother taught me well. I get insomnia a lot. The time goes by so slowly and with every minute that ticks by, feels like my life is slipping away from my reach. I’ve become very closed and distance myself from the outside world. And I’m only just learning to be a grown up. People say that I’m a very level-headed and mature young woman. But, it’s what I hide underneath the surface that worries me. It hurts to think about what’s happened to me that I keep it all hidden deep down within. In my subconscious. I’ve done stupid things. I don’t know how to calm this uneasy feeling inside me. I get anxiety attacks and at times I stay in my room all day. I get so tired from crying or hurting. I haven’t cried in a while. It takes a lot out of a person. All the pent up emotions of confusion mixed with anger and pain. I can’t describe how it feels but the anxiety attacks are strange. My chest gets very tight and I can’t breathe. Then it stops for a moment or so then starts again. I’ve learned not to fight it. It’s a pain that is never-ending even when on the surface everything appears to be alright. Has anyone heard that song, ‘Tracks Of My Tears’, I can’t remember what the artist is called. But there’s a line that goes, "…Take a good look at my face, you’ll see my smile looks out of place. If you look closer it’s easy to trace the tracks of my tears…" The eyes are the window to your soul. Actions or words don’t always tell you about a person but the eyes hide a different story.
Response:
Hello 
I’m guessing that you’re Alans daughter ? If so you might want to adopt a nickname and tag it to the end of your posts. That way you stay anonymous but it’s easier for people to reply to you. Yes, recovery is difficult and there is no one right way to go about it. Many people find that talking helps, but that it is also a long process. Quite often things seem to get worse before they get better. Good luck in your quest Hope to hear more from you. jaffa – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Hi, I’m new to this newsgroup. At the moment, I’d like to stay anonymous. I just want to say what I have to say and maybe get feedback. It’s hard enough growing up but when you have other things to think about it’s even harder. I’m only just in my early-20’s. I lost my mum and I’ve got a history of being abused, in all aspects of the word. It’s hard to know my own mind when I’m still trying to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. I wouldn’t wish any of this on anyone, not even my worst enemy. It’s something no one should have to go through. Abuse is worse than people think. It’s a very traumatic experience that stays with you your whole life. Whether you deal with it or not. I talk about it sometimes but it’s not easy to bear your heart and soul to someone. This way is more comfortable for me. I have so much on my mind. The pain gets too much that I almost don’t feel it. I go past caring about my well-being, I just shift into overdrive and burn. I don’t feel settled. I’ve never felt secure. I come from a broken home and I was brought up in a single-parent household. But, it was a good upbringing. My late mother taught me well. I get insomnia a lot. The time goes by so slowly and with every minute that ticks by, feels like my life is slipping away from my reach. I’ve become very closed and distance myself from the outside world. And I’m only just learning to be a grown up. People say that I’m a very level-headed and mature young woman. But, it’s what I hide underneath the surface that worries me. It hurts to think about what’s happened to me that I keep it all hidden deep down within. In my subconscious. I’ve done stupid things. I don’t know how to calm this uneasy feeling inside me. I get anxiety attacks and at times I stay in my room all day. I get so tired from crying or hurting. I haven’t cried in a while. It takes a lot out of a person. All the pent up emotions of confusion mixed with anger and pain. I can’t describe how it feels but the anxiety attacks are strange. My chest gets very tight and I can’t breathe. Then it stops for a moment or so then starts again. I’ve learned not to fight it. It’s a pain that is never-ending even when on the surface everything appears to be alright. Has anyone heard that song, ‘Tracks Of My Tears’, I can’t remember what the artist is called. But there’s a line that goes, "…Take a good look at my face, you’ll see my smile looks out of place. If you look closer it’s easy to trace the tracks of my tears…" The eyes are the window to your soul. Actions or words don’t always tell you about a person but the eyes hide a different story.
Response:
Hi, I’m new to this newsgroup. At the moment, I’d like to stay anonymous. I just want to say what I have to say and maybe get feedback. It’s hard enough growing up but when you have other things to think about it’s even harder. I’m only just in my early-20’s. I lost my mum and I’ve got a history of being abused, in all aspects of the word. It’s hard to know my own mind when I’m still trying to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. I wouldn’t wish any of this on anyone, not even my worst enemy. It’s something no one should have to go through. Abuse is worse than people think. It’s a very traumatic experience that stays with you your whole life. Whether you deal with it or not. I talk about it sometimes but it’s not easy to bear your heart and soul to someone. This way is more comfortable for me. I have so much on my mind. The pain gets too much that I almost don’t feel it. I go past caring about my well-being, I just shift into overdrive and burn. I don’t feel settled. I’ve never felt secure. I come from a broken home and I was brought up in a single-parent household. But, it was a good upbringing. My late mother taught me well. I get insomnia a lot. The time goes by so slowly and with every minute that ticks by, feels like my life is slipping away from my reach. I’ve become very closed and distance myself from the outside world. And I’m only just learning to be a grown up. People say that I’m a very level-headed and mature young woman. But, it’s what I hide underneath the surface that worries me. It hurts to think about what’s happened to me that I keep it all hidden deep down within. In my subconscious. I’ve done stupid things. I don’t know how to calm this uneasy feeling inside me. I get anxiety attacks and at times I stay in my room all day. I get so tired from crying or hurting. I haven’t cried in a while. It takes a lot out of a person. All the pent up emotions of confusion mixed with anger and pain. I can’t describe how it feels but the anxiety attacks are strange. My chest gets very tight and I can’t breathe. Then it stops for a moment or so then starts again. I’ve learned not to fight it. It’s a pain that is never-ending even when on the surface everything appears to be alright. Has anyone heard that song, ‘Tracks Of My Tears’, I can’t remember what the artist is called. But there’s a line that goes, "…Take a good look at my face, you’ll see my smile looks out of place. If you look closer it’s easy to trace the tracks of my tears…" The eyes are the window to your soul. Actions or words don’t always tell you about a person but the eyes hide a different story.
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