Question:
Been feeling really sad and hopeless the past few days. School is winding down and will be over in a week and a half. With just two courses this summer I figured that this would be a good time to resume therapy. We all agreed inside that we wanted to start working on ourselves. We have had to neglect a lot for school and the pressure has been really hard. But we have almost made it. We went back to old therapist for a session and we failed bad. We made another appt but not thinking we go back. We not doing it right. She not allowing littles out still. But we thought we could control that. We have had to do it all year, keep littles inside while we were at the hospitals or in class. But Tina sees the stuffies and games and out she comes because she remembers therapy lady too. It is a new office but the toys are neat. Therapy lady tells Tina to "go away, this is not a time for you, this is adult time". Just like that. So sad for Tina. She been sitting with thumb in her mouth and not talking since Thursday. Littles have to make appt to see her the week before through journalling. They can come out the next week if there is time but they don’t understand that. And we got to journal. which is ok but I get the feeling if we don’t produce something, anything, by the next appt we will have been bad. It will prove we do not work hard enough. But we try and nothing happens. We try to draw and we be blank. No body home when we write or draw. Something bad will happen if we go with no journalling. She may make us leave because it proves we are failing therapy. But we do be trying. And we are on "trial period" – she knows us but she not sure she can work any more with us. She did not say that when we stopped last fall, she say come back when you can. Now we be bad I guess. We did not fail school like she thought we would. Or something. She still thinks we be doing wrong to be in nursing school, but really, we never ever did anything to hurt a patient or anything. We like this work, we do be good at it. She tell us we going to fail. We already be failing therapy. We trying to want to go back on Weds. but not really. We feel like failures. And we feel bad because we want to get better, really we do. wisht we could crawl in a hole and pull it over us because it be stupid to flunk therapy. No one but us could do bad in just one hour in therapy. We are hopeless. Allison Rose, Tina, etc. — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:
Response:
[ . . . ] Therapy lady tells Tina to "go away, this is not a time for you, this is adult time". Just like that. So sad for Tina. She been sitting with thumb in her mouth and not talking since Thursday. Littles have to make appt to see her the week before through journalling.
Have you asked your therapist why she set that rule? I’d be interested to find out. My therp would *love* it if the littles would come out to talk to him on their own. Go figure 
[ . . . ] Something bad will happen if we go with no journalling. She may make us
leave because it proves we are failing therapy. Are you sure? Did she actually say that she’ll kick you out if you don’t do your homework? That sounds pretty harsh. And we are on "trial period" – she knows us but she not sure she can work any more with us.
Did she actually say that, or are you assuming that? What exactly does a "trial period" mean? She still thinks we be doing wrong to be in nursing school, but really, we never ever did anything to hurt a patient or anything. We like this work, we do be good at it. She tell us we going to fail.
Did she really tell you you’d be a failure at nursing? From your posts, it seems like you’d be a pretty darned *good* nurse. Again, do you maybe have a misunderstanding with your therapist? We already be failing therapy. [ . . . ] No one but us could do bad in just one hour in therapy. We are hopeless.
Um, we hate to break it to you, but we do *awful* in therapy *most* of the time It’s very frustrating, huh? We think maybe you should go back to get clarification about what your therp means, if nothing else. Hope we’re not being too opinionated. swiv
Response:
i too am a nurse and mpd and do just fine with my patients its like i have a mode or a personality or something that goes into automatic pilot not a problem with my therp though cause she is a nurse and is totally in favor of my continuing in my chosen career
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(SwivelLeft) writes: [ . . . ] Therapy lady tells Tina to "go away, this is not a time for you, this is adult time". Just like that. So sad for Tina. She been sitting with thumb in her mouth and not talking since Thursday. Littles have to make appt to see her the week before through journalling.
I am so sorry that your therp is that way. We have a very patient and respectful therp. She lets who ever wants to talk talk. As a matter of fact we tell her to shut up, leave us alone, we hate her, and sometimes walk out. Do you know she is so understanding. I can not believe it sometimes. I have never had anyone treat me with such dignaty and respect before. Have you asked your therapist why she set that rule? I’d be interested to find out. My therp would *love* it if the littles would come out to talk to him on their own. Go figure [ . . . ] Something bad will happen if we go with no journalling. She may make us leave because it proves we are failing therapy.
You know we started therp. We tould her that we dont want pills and no hospitals. As a result we have lots of agreements like we wont hurt ourselves, anyone else or go away in our head for good. There are others but we cant remember right now. Are you sure? Did she actually say that she’ll kick you out if you don’t do your homework? That sounds pretty harsh. And we are on "trial period" – she knows us but she not sure she can work any more with us.
Boy, I could never NEVER work with anyone on a trial period. Man it takes to damn long to get comfertable and feel safe. Its been 13 months and we still don’t cry or show feelings with her yet. We write, draw, sculpt, past, gloo, leave messages–just about anything to communicate but we cant face to face. You know she works with us though. Sometimes we leave 6 or 7 messages a day. We leave questions and she leaves answers in my voice Did she actually say that, or are you assuming that? What exactly does a "trial period" mean? She still thinks we be doing wrong to be in nursing school, but really, we never ever did anything to hurt a patient or anything. We like this work, we do be good at it. She tell us we going to fail.
Man what kind of nut is this???? (sorry if offencive) Did she really tell you you’d be a failure at nursing? From your posts, it seems like you’d be a pretty darned *good* nurse. Again, do you maybe have a misunderstanding with your therapist? We already be failing therapy. [ . . . ] No one but us could do bad in just one hour in therapy. We are hopeless.
you know we feel like we fail at therp. also but she tells us we do good. as amatter of fact she made us a tape with our progress on it so when things get dark and gloomy we can listen and remember how hard we work. Um, we hate to break it to you, but we do *awful* in therapy *most* of the time It’s very frustrating, huh?
I "Responsable" find this whole f**ken process suck big one. Man if only thos other would come out and get this sh*t over with. J***S C***t what is the M** F**** big deal? We think maybe you should go back to get clarification about what your therp means, if nothing else.
Note: Please excuse REsponsible, he gets sofrustrated and angry. but I cannot tell him that he cant have is say. Isolite (Clan) Angel, Gloom & Doom, Fist & Face, the Littles, Maintain, Michael, Thinker, Business, Raggamuffin & Missfit, Animated, See No Evil, and Silent Misery
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you are so right cause i go into auto nurse mode and then i am not affected by anything else heather hey you should print this all out annd give it to your therp.
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(SwivelLeft) writes:
I feel like I do awful in therapy, too. Today I said mean things to my therapist and told him he wasn’t smart or helping me. He just said he was sad that I was having so much pain. Therps are supposed to be stronger than we are. And we are supposed to be able to say our feelings without being threatened by failure or judgement. I have a good therapist, even though I am his first multiple. Thank you for letting me talk. I like to talk, too. verna
Response:
I, too, am a nurse. I work in a hospital. I have a story to share. They told it at River Oaks. I think it will help here. There was a doctor who was a surgeon. She went to work every day and did surgery all day long. She never let any thoughts of her home into her head all day. She was a very good surgeon, famous amongst her peers. She worked 10-12 hours every day, and never got too tired. another doctorin the same hospital, also a surgeon, also famous and with excellent skills, worked every day ,but got tired after about 8 hours. And sometimes, thoughts about her home life would sneak into her head while she was doing her work. Which one is the multiple? Because she has a separate personality whose job was to go to work and earn a living, the first doctor, the multiple, was able to function longer and without distracting thoughts of her home life. This is the way I am, and no one ever told me I could not work as a professional because I was a multiple. So your therp is wrong. You can tell her I said so and so did Dan Glaser at River Oaks Hospital! Verna
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This is to all of you, you can’t flunk therapy! The therapist is flunking being a therapist! You get to do whatever works best for all of you and she’s supposed to help or say ‘I’m sorry I can’t help you, here’s a referal’ SOunds to me like _she_ is failing and can’t admit it so she’s taking it out on you! Butch says she’s dumb to say ‘this is adult time’ cause _of course_ the kids have to come out and talk or how will all of you know about stuff! Butch is a _very_ smart kid! Anna is obviously quite fired up about this cause she wants to say *spit* this makes me mad! this is a dumb threapist! stupid stupid therapist!! Us kids have to talk or the therapstist wont’ no about waht to do. Dumb dumb therapist !!! (I believe this may be Anna’s first angry outburst. I think this got her p*ssed:) She stomping around inside now being furious at this twit of a therapist. Way to go Anna!! There is no right or wrong in therapy for the client. My therapist told me this _again_ just yesterday. I was worried I wasn’t doing it right and he (once again) said that was impossible. (I think he’s just afraid of getting Butch and Anna mad at him *grin*) But seriously, as long as the client is doing what works and helps the client is doing it ‘right’. Now the therapist has all sorts of pressures to do it right, and _can_ screw up if they aren’t careful. I guess your therapist just can’t admit that she’s failed and wants you to feel bad instead. What a dumb therapist! I suggest you let her have responsibility for her own feelings and screw ups and feel proud of yourself for getting away from someone who is obviously not any good for your healing. Rainbow Colors (Jill, Butch *stomp, stomp*, Anna *STOMP! STOMP!*) — I choose to post non-anon because my abusers are afraid. They would have to admit something happened in order to confront me; this they will never do. They are the only people who will be upset if they know who I am, and they are too afraid to admit to what they did. Black of Rainbow Colors
Response:
First I want to thank all of you for your answers. (Butch and Anna were so gracious to give us their input Thanks RC. Littles loved it.) I have hesitated to post how it went because I feel ashamed. I got so scared that all the anger went wherever it always goes when we are pushed against the wall. I did manage to get out some of the things that were bothering me such as the contracts, the not being able to cancel appts., littles not being allowed out. So she made some concessions and apologized for the contract, did acknowledge that perhaps they were not needed. So I began to feel a little hopeful. But the rest was a no go. No littles allowed. No phone calls unless at death’s door. Journalling required. Etc. etc. So we got scared. We hid a lot of things that have been really hurting – anything to do with MP at all. We talked about "depression" in an abstract way and agreed that is what we would work on. She was much more comfortable with depression than with MP or RA. She is supposed to be an expert on it but wonder now. I am so confused. I know others have spoken of their therapists and how they would react and stuff and I feel so (well) jealous I guess. Even when we worked together when first diagnosed I was afraid to make her angry. Still am. So we settled comfortably into a discussion about *outside* kids, ex-SO, his moving away and how that must be the root cause of this depression. Well she can’t be there next week so I made an appt for 2 weeks from now. And when I left I felt like I was escaping. I could hardly breathe in there, so fearful that Jana (our angry protector who has been around a lot lately) would come out. I could hear her muttering to herself and she is not a happy camper about this. I know I will not go back. I cannot. For the sake of myself and the little ones who don’t understand what is happening to them, what they did wrong. For my own self respect I can’t go back and it HURTS. I feel BAD. I feel like hitting myself on the head over and over because I thought I could *make* it work out after months away. That maybe things had changed. All I could do was to watch the clock and be so grateful when she began to make the moves that signalled our time was up. I remember how often I used to leave her office so tired and going home and beating up on the body because we had failed again to connect. I wanted this to work. I wanted therapy and now I know that if I want it bad enough I will fight with the insurance company and make the rounds looking for a new therapist. But you know, I am tired. We are all tired. Tired to death of it being so hard. I am dragging through this last week of classes and then 2 final exams next week. I know I am depressed but I cannot separate the depression from the MP and those within who know more about it maybe than I do. Those who come out more and more as we start switching lots more than usual. I AM doing well. This IS the right road for me, nursing school. I just had final evaluations for my two clinical rotations and got A for my work with patients in the medical hospital and in the psych rotation. I love the work. I wanted to get better inside too. Well, it just was not meant to be with this therapist, and I feel sad. Still feel like I failed to communicate the feelings of those inside who were unable to speak. LIke if I had had the right words I could have made her understand. But I have kept each post and I treasure them for when I feel like it is all my fault and I am worthless and can’t even do therapy right I can read what someone else has shared and do not feel so alone. Thank you for helping, even though I have felt all week that I could not address it, did not want to think about it. The messes I have made in my life continue. Sadly, Allison Rose — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:
Response:
Allison Rose, *PLEASE* do not beat yourself up over this! It was the therapist who failed, NOT YOU! No matter how hard you tried to communicate, no matter what words you found, no matter how perfect you might have made yourself (in her eyes) she would never have become what she wasn’t – competent to help you! It frightens me a bit that she is a supposed "expert" on MPD/RA. Did *she* say she was an expert or did someone else? If it was someone else and you feel better/stronger (sometime in the future maybe) you might want to tell that person that the "expert" isn’t one so someone else does not wind up in your same situation. If it is ok with you, please accept a comforting hug from me. You don’t deserve to go through all this bleep. — ~Sometimes you’re the windshield, sometimes you’re the bug!~ -dire straits
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(VPORTH8782) writes: I feel like I do awful in therapy, too. Today I said mean things to my therapist and told him he wasn’t smart or helping me. He just said he was sad that I was having so much pain. Therps are supposed to be stronger than we are. And we are supposed to be able to say our feelings without being threatened by failure or judgement. I have a good therapist, even though I am his first multiple. Thank you for letting me talk. I like to talk, too. verna
Isolite (Clan) Angel, Gloom & Doom, Fist & Face, the Littles, Maintain, Michael, Thinker, Business, Raggamuffin & Missfit, Animated, See No Evil, and Silent Misery
Response:
Allison Rose writes:
We made another appt but not thinking we go back. We not doing it right. She not allowing littles out still. But we thought we could control that. We have had to do it all year, keep littles inside while we were at the hospitals or in class. But Tina sees the stuffies and games and out she comes because she remembers therapy lady too. It is a new office but the toys are neat. Therapy lady tells Tina to "go away, this is not a time for you, this is adult time". Just like that. So sad for Tina. She been sitting with thumb in her mouth and not talking since Thursday. Littles have to make appt to see her the week before through journalling. They can come out the next week if there is time but they don’t understand that. And we got to journal. which is ok but I get the feeling if we don’t produce something, anything, by the next appt we will have been bad. It will prove we do not work hard enough. But we try and nothing happens. We try to draw and we be blank. No body home when we write or draw. Something bad will happen if we go with no journalling. She may make us leave because it proves we are failing therapy. But we do be trying. And we are on "trial period" – she knows us but she not sure she can work any more with us. She did not say that when we stopped last fall, she say come back when you can. Now we be bad I guess. We did not fail school like she thought we would. Or something. She still thinks we be doing wrong to be in nursing school, but really, we never ever did anything to hurt a patient or anything. We like this work, we do be good at it. She tell us we going to fail. We already be failing therapy. We trying to want to go back on Weds. but not really. We feel like failures. And we feel bad because we want to get better, really we do. wisht we could crawl in a hole and pull it over us because it be stupid to flunk therapy. No one but us could do bad in just one hour in therapy. We are hopeless. Valentine writes:
You have not failed therapy, your therapist has failed you. I don’t like the way she treats the littles, that is very bad. And I don’t like the way she tells you that you will fail. That is wrong. She says you are on a trial perioud, well she is on trial period too. And from what you have wrote I see she has failed miserable. I think it would be a real good idea if you were to find another therapist, this person is not very nice.
Response:
Man, that sounds exactly like the therapist we used to have. Got to tell you-that is not the way things are supposed to be. We didn’t know that at the time, but now that we’re with someone who actually knows what she is doing (and chooses to treat DID) it is so radically different. There is no such thing as failing therapy-only on the therapist’s part and it sounds like she is definetly failing. Therapy is what you choose it to be (all of you including the littles) and it sounds more like she is controlling this relationship. Congrats on nursing school!!! We’re in medical school and had the exact same rxn from our old therapist. She didn’t think we could do it so therefore, we can’t. That’s bullshit. You have proven that you can do it (not that you should have had to prove anything to her-only to yourselves). My old therapist terminated b/c she became afraid of us-not that she had any reason to be except that maybe she would fail as a therapist. Even though therapy with her was hell, it still hurt so much when she left. I guess my advice would be to think about what you really want from therapy (the littles also) and reevaluate whether or not she is providing that.
Response:
I’ll be blunt, you’re beating your head against a wall! (blunt enough?:) What I mean is, it isn’t _your_ fault you can’t connect, it’s your therapist’s!!! I say this because it is her _job_ to find a way to reach you and to allow you to express yourself. As a therapist I have learned so many different ways of doing this. As a client I just love it when my therapist says ‘just a minute, I have to think of how best to get you to understand/realize/figure out…’ or ‘just a minute, I have to think of how best to understand/realize/figure out…’ I just sit and smile while my therapist mentally sorts and checks until he comes up with option B or L or whatever, depending on how difficult the concept is. Sometimes it takes awhile, but we always figure it out in the end because the therapist is willing to keep trying _different_ options! Yours doesn’t seem willing to try this. I also think your therapist _was_ an ‘expert’. Her technique sounds like one that was taught awhile ago to deal with multiples, and is very much oriented with a specific type of therapeutic philosophy. I would guess she hasn’t been to any recent seminars and hasn’t kept up on the research of traumatic memories and healing in the past six years. In the past six to ten years alot more has been learned about memories and such. It is now ’state of the art’ to work eclectically with multiples and do alittle of several different things, as this is what works! Her way is too limiting and only works on a limited ‘type’ of multiple (of which you obviously aren’t). In the early to mid eighties the different types of therapeutic orientations (Jungian, Freudian, etc) all tried to come up with their own variation on how to treat multiplicity. Eventually they all synthesized together into the types of techniques that seem to work best and that is what is now taught as best overall. People may put a Freudian slant on it, for example, but any person who is a good multiples therapist _and_ a Freudian knows that standard, classical Freudian analysis _won’t_ work with a multiple (unless the therapist gets lucky and ends up treating just the right ‘type’ of multiple). Personally, I’d laugh at someone who used these techniques on me! My personal recommendation would be to do what works best for _you_ and if she can’t handle it then fire her. This shouldn’t be difficult to explain to your insurance company as it will be clear that you aren’t progressing with her, which is due to _her_ inability to modify her treatment techniques and not due to _you_. I’d say let her read this but I’d be concerned her ego might get in the way and she’d ignore it (she just seems the type:) You might suggest to her that you think she needs to update her skill base. As a therapist I can definitely hear you describing someone who needs to do some serious catch up! What works best, in a nutshell, is for the multiple to lead the healing while the therapist guides, focuses, and reframes along the way. If the multiple believes that journaling will be a helpful thing to do the therapist must be willing to give it a try or have a very good reason why it wouldn’t be a good idea _for this specific multiple_. If the client believes that letting the others out in a session would be helpful the therapist must be willing to give it a try and then evaluate it as to it’s helpfulness and discuss it with the client. Anything less is incompetence on the therapists part!! You seem to have a good idea of what might help. It is your therapist’s obligation, as she is hired by you, to give it a try unless she can explain very clearly why this would be harmful to you (like she shouldn’t allow you to hurt your body and claim it is therapeutic) or if she can understand exactly what it is you want to get out of the idea and can come up with an alternative that will work just as well (like if I think breaking things would help but the office is too small or not sound proofed enough I would expect my therapist to come up with another idea that would work just as well, maybe shredding pillows or phone books) I think the reason all of this works is because we, as multiples, aren’t trying to heal from a mental illness (like depression or psychosis) but are trying to learn another way of coping and working with life. We are trying to modify our personality structure in some way (more blended, more cooperative, more communicative, whatever) which isn’t an illness or disorder that has to be ‘cured’. We could also take the approach of just understanding and strengthening our existing structure, much as a person who can sing will take music lessons to get better at singing. All we want in this case is to learn functional ways of being dissociative, not to change the basic dissociation. Your therapist’s approach sounds like she sees multiplicity as an illness or disorder that has to be managed or controlled. I personally have had more than enough of this in my life that I’m certainly not going to voluntarily _pay_ someone to do this to me!! My therapist sees multiplicity as a form of coping and dealing with life that in _my_ case is dysfunctional. All he wants to do is to modify what doesn’t work so that it does. If I end up less multiple it will be my choice, and if I end up the same, that will be too. But either way I will be more functional and healthy about it! Rainbow Colors (Thena and Wolf, who says ‘dump her!’) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – First I want to thank all of you for your answers. (Butch and Anna were so gracious to give us their input Thanks RC. Littles loved it.) I have hesitated to post how it went because I feel ashamed. I got so scared that all the anger went wherever it always goes when we are pushed against the wall. I did manage to get out some of the things that were bothering me such as the contracts, the not being able to cancel appts., littles not being allowed out. So she made some concessions and apologized for the contract, did acknowledge that perhaps they were not needed. So I began to feel a little hopeful. But the rest was a no go. No littles allowed. No phone calls unless at death’s door. Journalling required. Etc. etc. So we got scared. We hid a lot of things that have been really hurting – anything to do with MP at all. We talked about "depression" in an abstract way and agreed that is what we would work on. She was much more comfortable with depression than with MP or RA. She is supposed to be an expert on it but wonder now. I am so confused. I know others have spoken of their therapists and how they would react and stuff and I feel so (well) jealous I guess. Even when we worked together when first diagnosed I was afraid to make her angry. Still am. So we settled comfortably into a discussion about *outside* kids, ex-SO, his moving away and how that must be the root cause of this depression. Well she can’t be there next week so I made an appt for 2 weeks from now. And when I left I felt like I was escaping. I could hardly breathe in there, so fearful that Jana (our angry protector who has been around a lot lately) would come out. I could hear her muttering to herself and she is not a happy camper about this. I know I will not go back. I cannot. For the sake of myself and the little ones who don’t understand what is happening to them, what they did wrong. For my own self respect I can’t go back and it HURTS. I feel BAD. I feel like hitting myself on the head over and over because I thought I could *make* it work out after months away. That maybe things had changed. All I could do was to watch the clock and be so grateful when she began to make the moves that signalled our time was up. I remember how often I used to leave her office so tired and going home and beating up on the body because we had failed again to connect. I wanted this to work. I wanted therapy and now I know that if I want it bad enough I will fight with the insurance company and make the rounds looking for a new therapist. But you know, I am tired. We are all tired. Tired to death of it being so hard. I am dragging through this last week of classes and then 2 final exams next week. I know I am depressed but I cannot separate the depression from the MP and those within who know more about it maybe than I do. Those who come out more and more as we start switching lots more than usual. I AM doing well. This IS the right road for me, nursing school. I just had final evaluations for my two clinical rotations and got A for my work with patients in the medical hospital and in the psych rotation. I love the work. I wanted to get better inside too. Well, it just was not meant to be with this therapist, and I feel sad. Still feel like I failed to communicate the feelings of those inside who were unable to speak. LIke if I had had the right words I could have made her understand. But I have kept each post and I treasure them for when I feel like it is all my fault and I am worthless and can’t even do therapy right I can read what someone else has shared and do not feel so alone. Thank you for helping, even though I have felt all week that I could not address it, did not want to think about it. The messes I have made in my life continue. Sadly, Allison Rose — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:
– I choose to post non-anon because my abusers are afraid. They would have to admit something happened in order to confront me; this they will never do. They are the only people who will be upset if they
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Response:
Um, about your therp: Nell says: She’s a poo-poo head. WhizKid says: She’s an idiot. HappyHo says: She’s not a nice person. BPBoy says: "Expert?" She doesn’t sound like an expert to me. Old Feeling says: She’s dangerous. Like all grown-ups. New Feeling says: Get away from her. Brigid says: F*ck her. You can find somebody WAY better. I say: Guess what? Time to find another therp, even though it may be a pain in the ass. I have all kinds of problems with my therp, but have *never* felt rejected or manipulated by him. You deserve better. Go for it! And if I were in the hospital, I’d want *YOU* to be my nurse No kiddin’. Take care of YOURSELF. swiv
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I’ll be blunt, you’re beating your head against a wall! (blunt enough?:)
Ouch! I felt that! Yup, the head is pretty bruised. What I mean is, it isn’t _your_ fault you can’t connect, it’s your therapist’s!!! I say this because it is her _job_ to find a way to reach you and to allow you to express yourself.
But what if she does not think so? She is the only therapist I have had, aside from the doc, and it has always been me who has had to live up to whatever being a good "client" has to be. Never quite got it right. As a therapist I have learned so many different ways of doing this. As a client I just love it when my therapist says ‘just a minute, I have to think of how best to get you to understand/realize/figure out…’ or ‘just a minute, I have to think of how best to understand/realize/figure out…’ I just sit and smile while my therapist mentally sorts and checks until he comes up with option B or L or whatever, depending on how difficult the concept is. Sometimes it takes awhile, but we always figure it out in the end because the therapist is willing to keep trying _different_ options! Yours doesn’t seem willing to try this.
Well…. seems like there has always been one option that was best. I like the idea of your therapist kind of scratching the head while mental wheels turn, sure is different from my therapy where it is my mental wheels that are spinning all the time, trying to figure things out, what to say best, how to get out of there in one piece. Sigh. I also think your therapist _was_ an ‘expert’. Her technique sounds like one that was taught awhile ago to deal with multiples, and is very much oriented with a specific type of therapeutic philosophy.
Oh. What philosophy was that? She has very definite views on how to treat an MP client. And she has others whom she refers to and all the progress "they" have made (in a sad comparison to us I am afraid). I would guess she hasn’t been to any recent seminars and hasn’t kept up on the research of traumatic memories and healing in the past six years. In the past six to ten years alot more has been learned about memories and such. It is now ’state of the art’ to work eclectically with multiples and do alittle of several different things, as this is what works! Her way is too limiting and only works on a limited ‘type’ of multiple (of which you obviously aren’t).
Oh tell me what kind, maybe I can learn to be that kind and then we will fit!! Oh I am excited now. (that is how our mind works when confronted with this therapist). In the early to mid eighties the different types of therapeutic orientations (Jungian, Freudian, etc) all tried to come up with their own variation on how to treat multiplicity. Eventually they all synthesized together into the types of techniques that seem to work best and that is what is now taught as best overall. People may put a Freudian slant on it, for example, but any person who is a good multiples therapist _and_ a Freudian knows that standard, classical Freudian analysis _won’t_ work with a multiple (unless the therapist gets lucky and ends up treating just the right ‘type’ of multiple). Personally, I’d laugh at someone who used these techniques on me!
Oh. You answered my question. And I am still puzzled as how to best be the Freudian patient. My personal recommendation would be to do what works best for _you_ and if she can’t handle it then fire her.
Yes, that is definitely a consensus inside. Not to go back again. Am going to bravely call her answering machine (since she is gone next week) and cancel. How confrontive, how courageous we are. But we become like little kids when we see her, like whether she wants it or not she is the reincarnation of the mother. This shouldn’t be difficult to explain to your insurance company as it will be clear that you aren’t progressing with her, which is due to _her_ inability to modify her treatment techniques and not due to _you_.
Well, not so sure. My insurance company is more willing to take her word for what goes on in the sessions in her mandatory reports to them than they are the word of a "crazy" person. But will try. I’d say let her read this but I’d be concerned her ego might get in the way and she’d ignore it (she just seems the type:) You might suggest to her that you think she needs to update her skill base. As a therapist I can definitely hear you describing someone who needs to do some serious catch up!
It’s neat to get your input on this. But since I am a wimp I probably won;t do this. Maybe mail it, now that is more my style, anonymously of course. Sigh again. What works best, in a nutshell, is for the multiple to lead the healing while the therapist guides, focuses, and reframes along the way.
What a great idea, but does it work? How can the poor deluded one really find a path to healing? When she cannot find her way out of a paper bag? If the multiple believes that journaling will be a helpful thing to do the therapist must be willing to give it a try or have a very good reason why it wouldn’t be a good idea _for this specific multiple_. If the client believes that letting the others out in a session would be helpful the therapist must be willing to give it a try and then evaluate it as to it’s helpfulness and discuss it with the client. Anything less is incompetence on the therapists part!!
Do other therapists actually do this? I have certainly missed the boat if that is what therapy is like. I thought that feeling like sh*t after each session (and I mean *each* and *every*) was to be expected. You seem to have a good idea of what might help.
I think we have progressed enough to know what doesn;t help. And some of what does work for us, yes. It is your therapist’s obligation, as she is hired by you, to give it a try unless she can explain very clearly why this would be harmful to you (like she shouldn’t allow you to hurt your body and claim it is therapeutic) or if she can understand exactly what it is you want to get out of the idea and can come up with an alternative that will work just as well (like if I think breaking things would help but the office is too small or not sound proofed enough I would expect my therapist to come up with another idea that would work just as well, maybe shredding pillows or phone books)
Okay. I think the reason all of this works is because we, as multiples, aren’t trying to heal from a mental illness (like depression or psychosis) but are trying to learn another way of coping and working with life. We are trying to modify our personality structure in some way (more blended, more cooperative, more communicative, whatever) which isn’t an illness or disorder that has to be ‘cured’.
Exactly so. But there are aspects of multiplicity that have symptoms that are dysfunctional such as the depression, the self-harm, the flashbacks. When those aspects are rather vividly being expressed we look ill. But basically feel stable. Need more communication and support for memories. But basically a functional being. At least we like to think so. We could also take the approach of just understanding and strengthening our existing structure, much as a person who can sing will take music lessons to get better at singing. All we want in this case is to learn functional ways of being dissociative, not to change the basic dissociation.
Yes, yes yes!!! Your therapist’s approach sounds like she sees multiplicity as an illness or disorder that has to be managed or controlled.
Again, yes. The rules. And if broken the threat of termination. Sounds like the Terminator and I think the littles think of her like that. I can handle most things that come our way but attack the littles and then we become disorganized and angry and feel backed into a corner. Not a good place to be. We have been extremely angry all weekend. Have major headaches and tense all the time, snapping at outside kid, just terribly unhappy. I personally have had more than enough of this in my life that I’m certainly not going to voluntarily _pay_ someone to do this to me!! My therapist sees multiplicity as a form of coping and dealing with life that in _my_ case is dysfunctional. All he wants to do is to modify what doesn’t work so that it does. If I end up less multiple it will be my choice, and if I end up the same, that will be too. But either way I will be more functional and healthy about it!
Yes, your goals sound similar to ours. don’t want to be "cured" just to live our life as functionally as possible. As blended as possible and if that is not possible as communicative as possible. So that all know who is out, what they are there for and the responsiblity required for being the one in charge. It does not seem much to ask. Would also like a little kindness and compassion thrown in, maybe a reassurance when fearful or tearful. Rainbow Colors (Thena and Wolf, who says ‘dump her!’)
Tina agrees as I see in an earlier post. I really have no choice but it still hurts. Thanks Rainbow Colors This do be Tina, she is a poopie lady an dump her is gud!! Jana: This person is highly dangerous and will negate whatever progress we are making. I would personally like to remove her from our immediate vicinity but will not. Todd: Man that weirdo has gremlins up her butt, or in the brain, she not workin on all cylinders man. I wouldnt bother foolin with anyone with gremlins for brains. (Sigh) Allison Rose & Co — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:
Response:
Pope C the Anonymous says: Hi, Allison. Sorry I haven’t talked to you for so long. I have been talking to just a few people in email, but feeling kind of overwhelmed about posting. I have continued to read your posting and to care about you.
Thanks I have worried about you, hoped you were okay. Sorry for the overwhelmed feelings, can share those with you. : I have hesitated to post how it went because I feel ashamed. : I got so scared that all the anger went wherever it always goes when we : are pushed against the wall. Anger doesn’t feel very safe to feel… One of me feels most of the anger, and that one tends to go to extremes and get really nasty. Hope your anger did not get turned against you.
Not in any irreparable manner. Temporary and transient. Mostly tantrums. Oh say that fast: temporary transient tantrums! If she doesn’t work with the littles, how on earth does she expect you to deal with the memories, and break the memories’ hold on you?
That is the major area of discussion inside. As though whole parts are shunted aside. Surely she knew we did not expect to play games for years. There was an immense amount of hurt from her rejection. Still hurts. They have had so much hurt and rejection and abuse and I feel sad because it was my idea to return. They didn’ t want to but were willing to try. But got their little hands slapped. Again. So we settled comfortably into : a discussion about *outside* kids, ex-SO, his moving away and how that : must be the root cause of this depression. Yeah, *right*. Give me a break. Like you’ve got no other reasons to make you depressed.
I am really not sure where this current depression that is making us so non-functional is coming from. Perhaps the SO leaving is part of it. We’ were so used to living in a state of crisis that we had no time for dealing with ourselves. Too busy combatting and dealing with actual physical and mental abuse to be able to take a breath and look closely at ourselves. Now that he is gone it is different. It is quiet and we do not much like what we see. We see much outside success but little inside movement. Much of the time we spend in old response patterns, us against the world. We would like to start to feel part of the world and feel clueles as to how this is done. I think you’re doing the right thing. There are better therapists.
So I hear. I am so jealous Hey, I miss Jana, and the beautiful stories she could tell. I hope she can come and talk to us here again, sometime.
Oh now you did it, she has not forgotten that she did not complete her last story. But perhaps she will start a new one, she is toying with the idea. She has been "gone" for awhile, current threats brought her back. She thanks you. Still feel like I failed : to communicate the feelings of those inside who were unable to speak. LIke : if I had had the right words I could have made her understand. Like when you thought that maybe if you said and did the right things, your ex-husband would start treating you properly? Like many of us felt, that if we could just be *perfect*, our parents would love us and treat us properly? If she can not help you with what you need, the fault is in her, not you.
Yes. We need to turn around the idea of the fault within us. The failure we are. Oh we have failed wherever we go in the important things like the marriage. It has been over 2 months and he is out of our lives but it lingers, the aftereffects of 20 years. Depression, yes, but why I am not sure. should be a time of rejoicing. Freedom. The messes continue, but most of them are messes that *other* people have made in your life. The accomplishments, like the fine job you have made of raising your son, and like your progress in nursing school, are yours.
But still feel like I am heading for a fall. Like it will all be snatched away when I make the final mistake and that could come anytime. sorry to be so negative. Just feel this cloud that will not leave. No energy, need to die type feelings. Therapy does not have to be the way your therapist seems to think. I saw a new therapist for the first time this week, and it was amazing. Her room was filled with what must have been 60 stuffed animals of all kinds and sizes. I could almost feel someone jumping up and down inside at the sight of all those cuddly toys.
Is how the littles felt when they saw her toys 
I told her that I am very dissociative. The next words out of her mouth were "Do you have different parts inside?" I felt immediately understood. When I told her about the little who appeared in January, after the cutting, she asked me if he was the one who "holds the memories". Before this first session was over, she had an rough map of all the parts I know about, including my Darkside aspects – she didn’t freak out at hearing about them – and a little on how they relate.
Wow, awesome says Klover. She told me that her first goal in therapy would be to get to know *all* of my parts that were capable of talking with her, so that she could establish communication with them, and find out which ones could help in getting my whole system working better together. Then she thought my next goal should be to have good cooperation inside, and establish harmony in my system, before trying to do any of the direct trauma work. WOW! (And she thinks I’ve made incredible progress without having a therapist working on the dissociation issues, and she’s very positive about my communicating in a.s.dis and the support groups.) I think I’m going to go on seeing her, though it’s very scary to call and make the next appointment.
I am so happy for you that you found this person. You deserve her. I wish you well on your journey. Dear Allison Rose, I wish that you will find someone like her, who will listen to your littles and cherish them and let them tell what they need to. – C
Thanks C, hope so too. Allison Rose
Response:
First I want to thank all of you for your answers. (Butch and Anna were so gracious to give us their input Thanks RC. Littles loved it.)
Thank you so much for keeping us updated. You are so brave in so many ways. Your posts and the responses have been helpful to us. You deserve to choose from the best therapists available. Just *gotta* happen. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I have hesitated to post how it went because I feel ashamed. I got so scared that all the anger went wherever it always goes when we are pushed against the wall. I did manage to get out some of the things that were bothering me such as the contracts, the not being able to cancel appts., littles not being allowed out. So she made some concessions and apologized for the contract, did acknowledge that perhaps they were not needed. So I began to feel a little hopeful. But the rest was a no go. No littles allowed. No phone calls unless at death’s door. Journalling required. Etc. etc. So we got scared. We hid a lot of things that have been really hurting – anything to do with MP at all. We talked about "depression" in an abstract way and agreed that is what we would work on. She was much more comfortable with depression than with MP or RA. She is supposed to be an expert on it but wonder now. I am so confused. I know others have spoken of their therapists and how they would react and stuff and I feel so (well) jealous I guess. Even when we worked together when first diagnosed I was afraid to make her angry. Still am. So we settled comfortably into a discussion about *outside* kids, ex-SO, his moving away and how that must be the root cause of this depression.
This is from all of us who can express: Don’t blame yourself, please don’t blame your courageous self, no no no no no, don’t carry that womans issues another step, it’s not your fault, you’ve given your best shots, gone down fighting, gotten back up again, and our face hurts we are so so so mad at that woman who gets to call herself a therapist and then bang-up some of the best people in town. We think she an expert alright but its got nothing to do with the healing. arts, ‘kay? And the things you’ve managed to do in spite of the negative talk she’s…man she is so far out on the ragged edge it ain’t even funny. And to have that kinda sh** sanctioned by We too were afraid of making our therp angry and sometimes still are, but everytime she caught wind of us trying to "take care" of her by being GGGOOODDD (nervous shaking) she very gently set us straight, that’s not our job – and we couldn’t be bad if we tried (Believe us we’ve even gotten up the nerve to try it,too). She’s helped us learn to make gold of our straw, sense out of our anger and it took a long time to get there, but THAT *was* her job. I think that under the circumstance you had no safe choice but to hide feelings.You’re smart, you know thin ice when you see it. Thank you for not skating over there. We need you every-ready as you are. But @@#%%… your therp ain’t the *client* for CRYing out loud. Jeez, we want you to be able to rest a to know it’s safe to bask in pride about how great you’ve done. We feel lot’s of uplift reading about your accomplishments – reading the encouragements others are sending you. We are crying happy tears from your inspiration but also some sadness that someone whose supposed to support you has made it sooo difficult. It’s _criminal_…it just is. Well she can’t be there next week so I made an appt for 2 weeks from now. And when I left I felt like I was escaping. I could hardly breathe in there, so fearful that Jana (our angry protector who has been around a lot lately) would come out. I could hear her muttering to herself and she is not a happy camper about this. I know I will not go back. I cannot. For the sake of myself and the little ones who don’t understand what is happening to them, what they did wrong.
Though I understand it may have been frightening to think Jana would come out, I also think it would have been a bigger piece of mercy than that therp lady could ever earn if Jana woulda come out and set that pscycho-psych’s little twisted pin-head right. Allison Rose and allll the little ones, I truly am trying to add what little energy my brain-cells might add to positively thinking you toward the class of therapist you deserve. I really hope you don’t have to go back to that brain-dive…. For my own self respect I can’t go back and it HURTS. I feel BAD. I feel like hitting myself on the head over and over because I thought I could *make* it work out after months away. That maybe things had changed. All I could do was to watch the clock and be so grateful when she began to make the moves that signalled our time was up. I remember how often I used to leave her office so tired and going home and beating up on the body because we had failed again to connect.
Please, please turn the sock inside out. Picture (just for the mental exercise) letting that lovely loca who fancies herself a therpist have all the knots you were planning for *your* head. I *know* it hurts. She’s a rapscallion. You are only bad in the way we mean it here in the Af-Am community – which means you’re so good you go off the scale. You BAAAAAD, Honey. So go ‘head witcha BAD self I wanted this to work. I wanted therapy and now I know that if I want it bad enough I will fight with the insurance company and make the rounds looking for a new therapist. But you know, I am tired. We are all tired. Tired to death of it being so hard. I am dragging through this last week of classes and then 2 final exams next week. I know I am depressed but I cannot separate the depression from the MP and those within who know more about it maybe than I do. Those who come out more and more as we start switching lots more than usual.
Walk in beauty Allison Rose, beauty behind you, beauty before you, peace and a soft place to rest for you all… I AM doing well. This IS the right road for me, nursing school. I just had final evaluations for my two clinical rotations and got A for my work with patients in the medical hospital and in the psych rotation. I love the work.
I wanted to get better inside too. Well, it just was not meant to be
with this therapist, and I feel sad. Still feel like I failed to communicate the feelings of those inside who were unable to speak. LIke if I had had the right words I could have made her understand. That’s way generous of you. She failed, she failed, she flunked, and she’s about to lose the best (involuntary) teacher she coulda ever had. I tell ya you dedicated folks just don’t wanna give up on even the hopeless cases. Wasn’t your job to find any right words. Was hers to help you get to em and she ain’t got the equipment, okay? But I have kept each post and I treasure them for when I feel like it is all my fault and I am worthless and can’t even do therapy right I can read what someone else has shared and do not feel so alone. Thank you for helping, even though I have felt all week that I could not address it, did not want to think about it. The messes I have made in my life continue.
Again, thank you so much Allison Rose. Hang in there. Much soul-singing from here for gentle fighting spirits like yours Sadly, Allison Rose
Peace, G. and Alla Us
Response:
I’m not yelling at you, and I understand exactly why you woud get to a point where you would say what you did to your therapist, but remember they are humans too. Any good therapist is going to care about their clients and will want to be doing the best they can for these people. I agree they are strong and that you can say your feelings without threat, but I mention all of this because I want to make sure you know your words might have affected him. Therapists aren’t cut off from their feelings (well, the good ones at least:) so mean words can hurt them like they can hurt anyone. I don’t know why I felt I had to post this. I’m sorry if it sounds like I’m mad at you. I guess I just wanted to make sure you didn’t take your comments lightly and ignore them. Unless you _meant_ what you said directly, maybe you really meant to say them to someone else? Oh never mind, now I’m confusing myself! Sorry for this. Rainbow Colors (Jill) PS, and I’m sure my therapist would disagree with your comment that they are supposed to be stronger than we are. He constantly points out how strong I had to be to survive my childhood, sort of like he’s in awe of me or something – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – (SwivelLeft) writes: I feel like I do awful in therapy, too. Today I said mean things to my therapist and told him he wasn’t smart or helping me. He just said he was sad that I was having so much pain. Therps are supposed to be stronger than we are. And we are supposed to be able to say our feelings without being threatened by failure or judgement. I have a good therapist, even though I am his first multiple. Thank you for letting me talk. I like to talk, too. verna
– I choose to post non-anon because my abusers are afraid. They would have to admit something happened in order to confront me; this they will never do. They are the only people who will be upset if they know who I am, and they are too afraid to admit to what they did. Black of Rainbow Colors
Response:
First I want to thank all of you for your answers. (Butch and Anna were so gracious to give us their input Thanks RC. Littles loved it.) I have hesitated to post how it went because I feel ashamed. I got so scared that all the anger went wherever it always goes when we are pushed against the wall. Hi, All=
E issue that needs major, major work. I believe the problem lies with the true expressing of it & the absolute terror of losing it c= ompletely *** Emotional CONTROL***. And being pushed against a wall is a gut wrenching experience. I understand that one completely.= I did manage to get out some of the things that were bothering me such as the contracts, the not being able to cancel appts., littles not being allowed out. So she made some concessions and apologized for the contract, did acknowledge that perhaps they were not needed. So I began to feel a little hopeful. But the rest was a no go. No littles allowed. No phone calls unless at death’s door. Journalling required. Etc. etc. You did=
n’t mention how long you’ve been seeing this therapist. Maybe in a past post you did-I’ve only been reading & posting for about 3 w= ks now. I definitely wouldn’t feel comfortable if littles weren’t allowed out. Heck, they deserve to be heard & acknowledged. I bel= ieve that is part of the natural process of being in therapy. Something or things led all of us into therapy which led to the very s= low unveiling (at least for our group) of our inner family. Bigs, Littles & In-be-Teens, all need to be listened to. The bit about t= he phone calls is scary. My therapist is pretty good about that. I don’t think he wants us to be knocking at death’s door before we = call him. Though sometimes it does get that bad before one of us will place a call. I don’t think we’ve bothered him too much in tha= t department. Could she possibly be dealing with a ***Control Disorder***? = = So we got scared. We hid a lot of things that have been really hurting – anything to do with MP at all. Having =
to keep stuffing things down because you’re afraid to speak them or feel them is totally excruciating. I’ve been there too too many = times. I usually wind up with a headache or tummy ache & many many x’s both. Our therapist has been told that we could use some help= with this. Maybe some gentle coaxing would help. Keyword-*Gentle* If you don’t continue with this therapist, you might consider thi= s idea & mention it to your new therapist. Just a thought, I hope it helps. = = We talked about "depression" in an abstract way and agreed that is what we would work on. She was much more comfortable with depression than with MP or RA. She is supposed to be an expert on it but wonder now. I am so confused. Is it po=
ssible she may not think? that it’s time to really get into a lot of DID material. And maybe if there is a lot of depression that it= should be & far more importantly addresed first. I think if there are frequent bouts of suicidal feelings a good therapist should t= ry to help the client work through those times & help them to stabilize. = I know = others have spoken of their therapists and how they would react and stuff and I feel so (well) jealous I guess. Even when we worked together when first diagnosed I was afraid to make her angry. Still am. =
I too fear making my therapist angry. I know that all goes back to childhood s= tuff. I Literally would do anything to make my mom happy & hope she’d stay that way. I always felt so inadequate when it came to tha= t. I believed she was always angry at me too, for whatever reason. Most often I don’t know if there even was a reason. I just figure= d I must have done something wrong. = So we settled comfortably into a discussion about *outside* kids, ex-SO, his moving away and how that must be the root cause of this depression. Well she can’t be there next week so I made an appt for 2 weeks from now. And when I left I felt like I was escaping. I could hardly breathe in there, so fearful that Jana (our angry protector who has been around a lot lately) would come out. I could hear her muttering to herself and she is not a happy camper about this. Jana mig=
ht be able to help you express your feelings. If she could talk to your therapist & express her anger in a positive way; she might g= et through to her. And who knows, your therapist might be waiting for just that to happen-unless of course, she’s afraid of Jana. Bu= t, I doubt if Jana is going to disappear if you’re therapist doesn’t want to speak with her. = = I know I will not go back. I cannot. For the sake of myself and the little ones who don’t understand what is happening to them, what they did wrong. For my own self respect I can’t go back and it HURTS. I feel BAD. I feel like hitting myself on the head over and over because I thought I could *make* it work out after months away. That maybe things had changed. All I could do was to watch the clock and be so grateful when she began to make the moves that signalled our time was up. I remember how often I used to leave her office so tired and going home and beating up on the body because we had failed again to connect. ****You have to feel *****SAFE***** in therapy. That IS #1 on the li=
st. I don’t think one can even begin to trust unless there is that safety. My problem is just the opposite. Our sessions always end = way too soon & it seems like we never can completely work through what we were discussing. As a direct result of this we often feel = very frustrated, angry, sad, confused & lately, just wanting to give up on therapy. = I wanted this to work. I wanted therapy and now I know that if I want it bad enough I will fight with the insurance company and make the rounds looking for a new therapist. But you know, I am tired. We are all tired. Tired to death of it being so hard. This tir=
ed stuff really blows me away too. I didn’t think it would be this difficult. I sometimes think climbing Mt Everest would be a piece= of cake compared to therapy. I definitely slip down the mt every now & then. = I am dragging through this last week of classes and then 2 final exams next week. I know I am depressed but I cannot separate the depression from the MP and those within who know more about it maybe than I do. Those who come out more and more as we start switching lots more than usual. I AM doing well. This IS the right road for me, nursing school. I just had final evaluations for my two clinical rotations and got A for my work with patients in the medical hospital and in the psych rotation. I love the work. Congrat=
ulations on the good work!!!!! = I wanted to get better inside too. Well, it just was not meant to be with this therapist, and I feel sad. Still feel like I failed to communicate the feelings of those inside who were unable to speak. LIke if I had had the right words I could have made her understand. Or think=
of it this way. Your therapist is not a god-she CAN make poor judgment calls & maybe, just maybe she’s the one here who has failed.= Listen to your gut instinct. She may not be as good as she thinks when it comes to DID stuff. These are
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Response:
I’ll be blunt, you’re beating your head against a wall! (blunt enough?:) Ouch! I felt that! Yup, the head is pretty bruised.
Sorry, here’s some ice for the bump What I mean is, it isn’t _your_ fault you can’t connect, it’s your therapist’s!!! I say this because it is her _job_ to find a way to reach you and to allow you to express yourself. But what if she does not think so? She is the only therapist I have had, aside from the doc, and it has always been me who has had to live up to whatever being a good "client" has to be. Never quite got it right.
Well, again as a therapist, I’d say she needs more training. It isn’t up to her to think so. She reminds me of a doctor who treats an illness. The illness has the _nerve_ to not respond to treatment so she blames the patient. She needs to get a clue! If the illness isn’t responding it’s because the wrong treatment has been tried! And who prescribed the treatment in the first place…? See? It actually sounds like you’ve been a very good client, because you’ve been willing to try it her way first. I, on the other hand, am a much worse client. I had a therapist like this once and I told him off the second session (unfortunately I was stuck with him as I was inpatient at the time so I spent the next seven weeks baiting him and making his life h*ll I kept telling him how to treat me differently and he kept ignoring me, so I just let him have it!:) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – As a therapist I have learned so many different ways of doing this. As a client I just love it when my therapist says ‘just a minute, I have to think of how best to get you to understand/realize/figure out…’ or ‘just a minute, I have to think of how best to understand/realize/figure out…’ I just sit and smile while my therapist mentally sorts and checks until he comes up with option B or L or whatever, depending on how difficult the concept is. Sometimes it takes awhile, but we always figure it out in the end because the therapist is willing to keep trying _different_ options! Yours doesn’t seem willing to try this. Well…. seems like there has always been one option that was best. I like the idea of your therapist kind of scratching the head while mental wheels turn, sure is different from my therapy where it is my mental wheels that are spinning all the time, trying to figure things out, what to say best, how to get out of there in one piece. Sigh.
That is _not_ therapy! I’m not sure exactly what to call it, but it doesn’t fit the definition of any therapy I’ve learned or tried! I also think your therapist _was_ an ‘expert’. Her technique sounds like one that was taught awhile ago to deal with multiples, and is very much oriented with a specific type of therapeutic philosophy. Oh. What philosophy was that? She has very definite views on how to treat an MP client. And she has others whom she refers to and all the progress "they" have made (in a sad comparison to us I am afraid).
Such ego problems! I’d recommend you suggest she see an analyst for her problems with ego mania and hostility toward clients I would guess she hasn’t been to any recent seminars and hasn’t kept up on the research of traumatic memories and healing in the past six years. In the past six to ten years alot more has been learned about memories and such. It is now ’state of the art’ to work eclectically with multiples and do alittle of several different things, as this is what works! Her way is too limiting and only works on a limited ‘type’ of multiple (of which you obviously aren’t). Oh tell me what kind, maybe I can learn to be that kind and then we will fit!! Oh I am excited now. (that is how our mind works when confronted with this therapist).
No! No! No! You shouldn’t change to become what she wants you to be! Besides, I don’t think you’d like it much even if you could do it. And, I’m pretty sure it’s too late, for her that is not you. Her methodology was proven ineffective quite awhile ago. In the early to mid eighties the different types of therapeutic orientations (Jungian, Freudian, etc) all tried to come up with their own variation on how to treat multiplicity. Eventually they all synthesized together into the types of techniques that seem to work best and that is what is now taught as best overall. People may put a Freudian slant on it, for example, but any person who is a good multiples therapist _and_ a Freudian knows that standard, classical Freudian analysis _won’t_ work with a multiple (unless the therapist gets lucky and ends up treating just the right ‘type’ of multiple). Personally, I’d laugh at someone who used these techniques on me! Oh. You answered my question. And I am still puzzled as how to best be the Freudian patient.
Oh, ok, You come in, lie down so you can’t see her. Start free associating about all sorts of sexual fantasy stuff, analyse and rationalize like crazy (stay in the top of your head and don’t get into the depths) mention afew dreams about snakes or trains. Do this for afew years (about five to seven) and then profusely thank her for helping you to realize how out of touch with your feelings you have been all along and how much better you feel now that you realize how much your fantasy life had controlled you. Like I said, I’m not sure it’s possible! My personal recommendation would be to do what works best for _you_ and if she can’t handle it then fire her. Yes, that is definitely a consensus inside. Not to go back again. Am going to bravely call her answering machine (since she is gone next week) and cancel. How confrontive, how courageous we are. But we become like little kids when we see her, like whether she wants it or not she is the reincarnation of the mother.
Ok! I say do whatever works! The last thing you need is for her to make you feel bad about firing her or for her to convince you that you are wrong and should stay. This shouldn’t be difficult to explain to your insurance company as it will be clear that you aren’t progressing with her, which is due to _her_ inability to modify her treatment techniques and not due to _you_. Well, not so sure. My insurance company is more willing to take her word for what goes on in the sessions in her mandatory reports to them than they are the word of a "crazy" person. But will try.
Well, what will work is that once you start working with another therapist and make immense progress in a short period of time (no fair getting ‘cured’ before me though!:) they will catch on. The worst case would be if you have to pay for afew sessions on your own until you pick one that can help you. I’d say let her read this but I’d be concerned her ego might get in the way and she’d ignore it (she just seems the type:) You might suggest to her that you think she needs to update her skill base. As a therapist I can definitely hear you describing someone who needs to do some serious catch up! It’s neat to get your input on this. But since I am a wimp I probably won;t do this. Maybe mail it, now that is more my style, anonymously of course. Sigh again.
Oh, if you’re gonna do it _that_ way let me try again! I toned it down quite abit cause I didn’t want to embarass you if you did it in person!:) What works best, in a nutshell, is for the multiple to lead the healing while the therapist guides, focuses, and reframes along the way. What a great idea, but does it work? How can the poor deluded one really find a path to healing? When she cannot find her way out of a paper bag?
But, we know we’re in a paper bag and that we want out! That’s step one. It works very well!!! (just look at me:) We aren’t deluded and we know more than anyone else what we need to heal. We just don’t know how to do it or how to figure out what it is we need. Sort of like ‘I know I want something to eat, but what?’ If the multiple believes that journaling will be a helpful thing to do the therapist must be willing to give it a try or have a very good reason why it wouldn’t be a good idea _for this specific multiple_. If the client believes that letting the others out in a session would be helpful the therapist must be willing to give it a try and then evaluate it as to it’s helpfulness and discuss it with the client. Anything less is incompetence on the therapists part!! Do other therapists actually do this? I have certainly missed the boat if that is what therapy is like. I thought that feeling like sh*t after each session (and I mean *each* and *every*) was to be expected.
Well, that feeling was common for me too,_every_ time I left my last therapist’s office. It had nothing to do with him or his style however, it was just where I was at in healing. But, yes other therapists do this! With my current therapist I actually sometimes feel optimistic or supported or something when I leave. It’s a totally bizarre sensation!! But, then this isn’t due to the therapist either. It’s just where I’m at. What is due to the therapist is the assistance he gives me (as did my last one) in moving forward toward my goals. The basic rule we were taught in therapist school was that the client should usually feel that the therapist is _trying_ to be helpful and supportive (allowing for the times when there are problems between the two and misunderstanding and such), even if there is no progress, and that over time (like re-evaluate every four months or so for our type of treatment) there should be definite steps toward improvement, even if the steps are very small. Mostly, the _client_ should believe that progress is being made if asked! If not, it is the _therapist’s_ responsibility to re-evaluate and figure out what else to try then run it by the client and discuss it. This is standard for _all_ … read more »
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – : I hope your headaches are better. I know I get them from anger, but : when they are happening it doesn’t do any good to say ‘ok, look : headache. I know you are from anger. What are you angry about?’ the : stupid headache just laughs at me! Rainbow Colors: Have you tried visualization techniques for getting rid of them? There are various techniques like seeing the headache as a big cloud of smoke in your head, and then trying to pour it out of your head into different containers. (I could give more detailed instructions if you like…) Some of those kind of techniques work really well for some of us dissociative types, and that one often works for me when I try it. (Though more often I end up just taking some Advil or something – it’s easy to do, but it’s too hard for me to remember that I *can* do those things!) – C Pope C the Anonymous
Thanks for the suggestion! Yes, I’ve tried this sort of thing and I’m pretty good at it, but the problem is that as soon as I stop doing the particular technique I’m using the pain comes back. My therapist and I were just talking about this actually and he seems to think he can help me on this. Rainbow Colors (Jill) — I choose to post non-anon because my abusers are afraid. They would have to admit something happened in order to confront me; this they will never do. They are the only people who will be upset if they know who I am, and they are too afraid to admit to what they did. Black of Rainbow Colors
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