Question:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi, May — Listen, I understand what you’re saying. It can be very frustrating to experience *freedom* from anxiety and depression, only to re-encounter it, or whatever, later on. The thing is, though, May, I think that if asked, everyone in this group, and others elsewhere, would say, *NO, I do not want to be on medication to control my anxiety and/or depression and/or whatnot.* But for some of us, it seems to be something that we have found that helps us. It sounds to me that that is what happened to you. And I don’t THINK there’s any *limit* on how many disorders one can accumulate. I, myself, refuse to consider other possibilities for myself, and am sticking with *just* depression and anxiety. It’s enough for me, and I can fit other stuff under those categories if I want to. I feel I’ve become somewhat jaded — okay, a lot jaded, with respect to diagnoses and going to doctors, myself. But, I have to admit, the meds I’m taking now have SEEMINGLY helped me. Well, I know they have. But I do not want to be on them. And every time I find myself *obsessing* about something, I wonder: *Gosh, is it possible I *have* OCD as well?* And so, I just have given up on accumulating any more diagnoses. However, if you feel like the med worked for you in the past, then I think you should consider re-taking it. And what’s this about your doctor? You need to have a doctor in whom you can trust, and feel comfortable. You should not be *worrying* about what your doctor will think of you when you check in with them. The doctor is there to help you, not judge you. You know all this, I’m sure. Oftentimes I have thought that having children must be VERY difficult for those of us who experience depression. I mean, there have been times when I could not take care of myself, much less any children. But nonetheless, you do have your kids, and they are your responsibility. And you can USE that relationship to YOUR advantage — and to their benefit, as well. It sounds to me as though you may be feeling somewhat overwhelmed. Give yourself a break, May. Try to be kind to yourself. Easier said than done, at times – how well I know. Take some time and ask yourself what it is you LIKE about yourself. If you can’t come up with anything, it’s time to do something different. And tell alcoholic husband to get off your case. Hey, what’s hubby doing about his alcohol problem? Anything? Tell him to work on himself before he starts telling YOU what YOU should be doing, or NOT be doing. Hang in there, May. The venting is good for the soul, me thinks. At least at times, it has been for me. It’s better to express your feelings in some way – either talking to a friend, writing in a journal, or telling us here at ASAP what it is you’re feeling, and what it is you’re thinking. Best Wishes, and thinking of you… — Blue (some days are just harder than other days, you know?… 
)
Thanks Blue, you said the things I know in my heart here. I dont care about my husband, I’m going to leave him when I can anyhow so I really don’t need him in my head, and I have a pdoc who doesn’t know dosages of meds or listen to what doesn’t work for me and that’s a problem I have to confront by *duh* asking for a different doctor. Meanwhile I went to my family doctor who is very good and he did give me a script for the Adipex-P and half a tablet later I feel like me again almost. If that’s what it takes, that’s what it takes, I just kind of thought (*hoped*?) that the add went bye byes during the years of agoraphobia and stuff, and here its been with me all along but I was too busy panicking and/or being depressed to see it, hehe. So that’s life, I was honest with my family doctor and he said he will help me with the meds until I get the pdoc problem under control, and he doesn’t think I am nuts for being so nuts..hehehe..actually I think he said its only sensible that with the other problems under control this more subtle one is going to be more apparent to me, and I do know inside that’s so. So, bleah on that suffering crap, I will take what I have to take..I am hoping not to need to go as far as Ritalin, just because of being a recovering alcoholic and stuff, I want the lowest I need of whatever it is now..now there’s irony..wouldn’t have heard me say that in the 70’s.. Thanks and Peace May – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I just don’t know what else can go wrong with me. I have the panic undercontrol finally, no problems with depression..Things have been going great since the beginning of the year when I got off Paxil and onto Pamelor and Xanax..I can drive, I can make phone calls, I have lost 50 pounds without trying, people at work are asking wow whats up with you, you look great? And all of a sudden wham! The day before my birthday I felt like I was hit by a truck..not ordinary depression but almost paralzying depression and I feel like its all due to the ADD I was diagnosed with so many years ago, when my first son, now 21 was diagnosed with it. It’s not situational depression, things are not any worse and in some ways better for me then they have been for many times in life, though my life has never been smooth. All of a sudden, now there are no panic attacks and no pits of depression and I am looking around and seeing how much of a mess my house is, how unfocused I am, how unable to finish a task I am..and I just feel like giving up. How many things can a person have wrong with them? Am I just having the illness of the month or what..And why can’t I snap out of it? I feel like I need ritalin again which I havent taken for almost 15 years..now what is my doctor going to think if I go in there and say oh sorry now Im not panicked and Im not depressed I am bogged in ADD..What is wrong with me that I can’t pull myself out of these things without medication.. and how many disorders can one person have? The worst thing of all is knowing that I have passed these things to my kids..I almost feel like I am tired of living, but I know there is no one else here for the four still here. I don’t know why I am writing this except there is no one else to reach out to..my alcoholic husband says I just like drugs..I am ready to stop taking everything and go back to where I was a year ago..trapped in a house of chaos, unable to drive. Instead I am going to my family doctor tomorrow to ask for Adipex-P because I have had some luck with it before for my lack of focus, and I am still forty pounds overweight, so I have a reason to ask for it though its not the real reason I need it. I am just at the end of my rope, I know better than to quit taking my meds but something is not right and I do feel like what my husband says, a drug seeker, an addict for needing all these things. Ok thats enough I guess, I have fifty two million things to do and of course I am not going to do any of them..I am just going to try to get through this night as painlessly as possible. Bleah May
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Dear May, You’ll hear this a lot, but you are not alone. I know how it feels to very suddenly lose the control you’ve fought so hard to gain. It feels like nothing will ever be right and you’ll never be "healthy," and it spirals down from there. One week ago today I checked myself into a hospital because I very suddenly became violently suicidal. I was lucky…they doped me up (though I fought it) and by the next day I was *merely* depressed. But I had that feeling of being "hit by a truck" by this sudden mood shift. There were some triggers, but certainly nothing that justified the massive shift. My doctor always has to remind me about this: we have a CHEMICAL imbalance. It doesn’t always have outside triggers. Sometimes it just freakin’ HAPPENS. And it sounds like that’s what happened to you. Something just came back. Maybe because you were off the meds, or maybe just for no reason at all. Because this illness is mostly visible in our moods and doesn’t show up on an X-ray or a simple blood test, it’s hard to think about it as the disease that it is. And the pisser is that they really don’t know an awful lot about these diseases that they label "depression" and "anxiety" etc. My mom has bipolar disorder and her pdoc said that every single person’s version of the disease is different, which is why there are SO many meds and SO many reactions to them…which is why this newsgroup is here! I think the main thing that makes the illnesses of depression different from most "physical" illnesses is that spiralling effect. Worrying about having the flu is not going to make the flu worse. But I think fear, depression and anxiety about fear, depression and anxiety are a very real problem! As far as your alcoholic husband goes…he’s chosen his "medication" and that’s his thing. I hope he chooses to deal with it. Ironically, he may not buy the reality that some of us simply need extra chemicals to be balanced. There are people with iron deficiency, and there are people with seratonin deficiency. Yeah, I know it’s not really *that* simple, but the essential issue is that some people need drugs. You have every right to go to your pdoc and say what you think you need. "Better living through chemistry" is a favorite expression in my family. I have never used street drugs or alcohol. Never interested. And I fought like hell to NOT take meds for my depression. But so far, I HAVE to. And I may be one of those people who ALWAYS has to. My pdoc said some people can stop and other people shouldn’t. It’s just another treatable disease. I wish you luck, because until technology catches up with us, a lot of it IS luck. -Amanda snipped my own =)
I went to the doctor who pointed out to me that having depression and panic disorder doesnt mean I do not also have add which I was diagnosed with 20 years ago but have mostly regarded as crap..though when I did street drugs my drug of choice was speeed, not to get high but to feel normal and I did have good results with Ritalin many years ago but feel as a recovering alcoholic very iffy about taking it again..Anyhow I asked him, why then all of a sudden when every thing else is going so well and he pointed out that it prolly was there all along, but panic attacks took center stage, or depression, and with both under control I can see it more. Sounded pretty reasonable so I am now taking phentermine HCL 37.5 mg and within a day I feel "normal" or what I will accept as normal..I feel fine and even watched tv for the first time in years, so maybe its not all crap. My kids all seem to have this too in various forms along with the anxiety disorders and the depressions, so I guess its just one more med to take..though he suspects it will not work for long term and I might need to go back to Ritalin, what I know is that today is fine. Thank you for your support, its help always to hear and remember that I am not the only one with these problems, May
Response:
I am hoping not to need to go as far as Ritalin, just because of being a recovering alcoholic and stuff May, I read your first post and I swear you could have put my name at the end of it instead of yours well except for the weight part. I go the other way and don’t eat. But I’m working on it. I just never get hungry and food tastes like cardboard when I’m anxious. Regarding the Ritalin, when I was in rehab for ETOH I guess in ‘92, the doc diagnosed me with ADD and sent me out of the alco rehab w/Ritalin. It really give me the jitters and paranoia extreme. I took it for 5 days and got to feeling so strange and scared I went out and got a "suitcase" of beer. I know I was misdiagnosed as the meds didn’t do what they do for my son who is really ADD. Mine is PA, GAD. This also wasn’t a good drug to give someone who has a food aversion already. I did get sober in ‘94 and went med free til 95 when I cracked up and went to the hospital sober?? This time they got the diagnosis right and all is well. I would not be alive today if I had not sought out another doctor. So, I’m glad all went well and you got going!! You sound so much better than the original post. I have all that stuff to do too. My brain doesn’t organize well and it shows. No, I don’t live in filth folks, but I do see other people’s homes where everything seems to have a place. I have a clutter problem and I would rather live like those other people but I’m not sure if they’re born like that or it’s a learned technique. I’m not trying to make the cover of Southern Living, just be able to find a pen. Take care and my concerns have been with you. Kind regards, Miriam (P.S. email me if you ever want to discuss Ritalin tho YMMV)
Response:
Dear May, You’ll hear this a lot, but you are not alone. I know how it feels to very suddenly lose the control you’ve fought so hard to gain. It feels like nothing will ever be right and you’ll never be "healthy," and it spirals down from there. One week ago today I checked myself into a hospital because I very suddenly became violently suicidal. I was lucky…they doped me up (though I fought it) and by the next day I was *merely* depressed. But I had that feeling of being "hit by a truck" by this sudden mood shift. There were some triggers, but certainly nothing that justified the massive shift. My doctor always has to remind me about this: we have a CHEMICAL imbalance. It doesn’t always have outside triggers. Sometimes it just freakin’ HAPPENS. And it sounds like that’s what happened to you. Something just came back. Maybe because you were off the meds, or maybe just for no reason at all. Because this illness is mostly visible in our moods and doesn’t show up on an X-ray or a simple blood test, it’s hard to think about it as the disease that it is. And the pisser is that they really don’t know an awful lot about these diseases that they label "depression" and "anxiety" etc. My mom has bipolar disorder and her pdoc said that every single person’s version of the disease is different, which is why there are SO many meds and SO many reactions to them…which is why this newsgroup is here! I think the main thing that makes the illnesses of depression different from most "physical" illnesses is that spiralling effect. Worrying about having the flu is not going to make the flu worse. But I think fear, depression and anxiety about fear, depression and anxiety are a very real problem! As far as your alcoholic husband goes…he’s chosen his "medication" and that’s his thing. I hope he chooses to deal with it. Ironically, he may not buy the reality that some of us simply need extra chemicals to be balanced. There are people with iron deficiency, and there are people with seratonin deficiency. Yeah, I know it’s not really *that* simple, but the essential issue is that some people need drugs. You have every right to go to your pdoc and say what you think you need. "Better living through chemistry" is a favorite expression in my family. I have never used street drugs or alcohol. Never interested. And I fought like hell to NOT take meds for my depression. But so far, I HAVE to. And I may be one of those people who ALWAYS has to. My pdoc said some people can stop and other people shouldn’t. It’s just another treatable disease. I wish you luck, because until technology catches up with us, a lot of it IS luck. -Amanda – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I just don’t know what else can go wrong with me. I have the panic undercontrol finally, no problems with depression..Things have been going great since the beginning of the year when I got off Paxil and onto Pamelor and Xanax..I can drive, I can make phone calls, I have lost 50 pounds without trying, people at work are asking wow whats up with you, you look great? And all of a sudden wham! The day before my birthday I felt like I was hit by a truck..not ordinary depression but almost paralzying depression and I feel like its all due to the ADD I was diagnosed with so many years ago, when my first son, now 21 was diagnosed with it. It’s not situational depression, things are not any worse and in some ways better for me then they have been for many times in life, though my life has never been smooth. All of a sudden, now there are no panic attacks and no pits of depression and I am looking around and seeing how much of a mess my house is, how unfocused I am, how unable to finish a task I am..and I just feel like giving up. How many things can a person have wrong with them? Am I just having the illness of the month or what..And why can’t I snap out of it? I feel like I need ritalin again which I havent taken for almost 15 years..now what is my doctor going to think if I go in there and say oh sorry now Im not panicked and Im not depressed I am bogged in ADD..What is wrong with me that I can’t pull myself out of these things without medication.. and how many disorders can one person have? The worst thing of all is knowing that I have passed these things to my kids..I almost feel like I am tired of living, but I know there is no one else here for the four still here. I don’t know why I am writing this except there is no one else to reach out to..my alcoholic husband says I just like drugs..I am ready to stop taking everything and go back to where I was a year ago..trapped in a house of chaos, unable to drive. Instead I am going to my family doctor tomorrow to ask for Adipex-P because I have had some luck with it before for my lack of focus, and I am still forty pounds overweight, so I have a reason to ask for it though its not the real reason I need it. I am just at the end of my rope, I know better than to quit taking my meds but something is not right and I do feel like what my husband says, a drug seeker, an addict for needing all these things. Ok thats enough I guess, I have fifty two million things to do and of course I am not going to do any of them..I am just going to try to get through this night as painlessly as possible. Bleah May
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – May- It’s good that you can share your feelings with us. We are all here for each other to lend support or share experiences. I have felt depressed lately and I know in my heart that I have many things to be happy about. I actually made a mental list of things I was grateful for and that helped me to start feeling better. I am thinking about starting to write these items down so I can refer to them when I feel down. It’s true that a lot of us are taking meds and would rather be med-free. I got so caught up in not wanting to take meds anymore because I was feeling so good that a few months ago I stopped them and I am now back in the anxiety mode. I had a major PA and now am struggling with the frustration of this relapse. I feel responsible for it because I decided to stop taking meds. I did wean off them but I guess my body really needs to have the balance that they give me. I am back on them and the edge is off but I am dealing with the depression of feeling physically sick all the time. Maybe your body needs the balance right now of the meds for ADD. You have to try not to beat yourself up about it. I am realizing that the negative thinking does nothing but prolong the cycle of anxiety/depression. I have 2 kids and they are a big support for me. They help me get beyond my "head" and move towards activity. They are also great at giving hugs and kisses when I am really feeling down and icky. I talk with them about what I am going through. I figure that if I can learn and pass on coping skills they will be better able to handle anxiety. I hope that they will be more like my husband in that respect. he is great at handling things–very positive attitude. Hang in there. Although it may feel rough right now. Call your doctor and get an appointment. Do you see a therapist? Maybe that would help as far as having someone to talk to. I see one and she is great. Good luck, Lenore undercontrol finally, no problems with depression..Things have been going great since the beginning of the year when I got off Paxil and onto Pamelor and Xanax..I can drive, I can make phone calls, I have lost 50 pounds without trying, people at work are asking wow whats up with you, you look great? And all of a sudden wham! The day before my birthday I felt like I was hit by a truck..not ordinary depression but almost paralzying depression and I feel like its all due to the ADD I was diagnosed with so many years ago, when my first son, now 21 was diagnosed with it. It’s not situational depression, things are not any worse and in some ways better for me then they have been for many times in life, though my life has never been smooth. All of a sudden, now there are no panic attacks and no pits of depression and I am looking around and seeing how much of a mess my house is, how unfocused I am, how unable to finish a task I am..and I just feel like giving up. How many things can a person have wrong with them? Am I just having the illness of the month or what..And why can’t I snap out of it? I feel like I need ritalin again which I havent taken for almost 15 years..now what is my doctor going to think if I go in there and say oh sorry now Im not panicked and Im not depressed I am bogged in ADD..What is wrong with me that I can’t pull myself out of these things without medication.. and how many disorders can one person have? The worst thing of all is knowing that I have passed these things to my kids..I almost feel like I am tired of living, but I know there is no one else here for the four still here. I don’t know why I am writing this except there is no one else to reach out to..my alcoholic husband says I just like drugs..I am ready to stop taking everything and go back to where I was a year ago..trapped in a house of chaos, unable to drive. Instead I am going to my family doctor tomorrow to ask for Adipex-P because I have had some luck with it before for my lack of focus, and I am still forty pounds overweight, so I have a reason to ask for it though its not the real reason I need it. I am just at the end of my rope, I know better than to quit taking my meds but something is not right and I do feel like what my husband says, a drug seeker, an addict for needing all these things. Ok thats enough I guess, I have fifty two million things to do and of course I am not going to do any of them..I am just going to try to get through this night as painlessly as possible. Bleah May — Posted via Talkway – http://www.talkway.com Exchange ideas on practically anything ™.
Thank you Nori and thanks to you too Blue! I did go to my doctor this morning and got back on the add med, but not Ritalin, and I feel better already, part meds and part knowing there are other people in the world who understand and that I am lucky enough to have a family doctor who listens to me..though I have to do something about the pdoc still, bleah. It does make sense that if my panic is under control and my depression is under control then I am aware of my add problems more acutely, and its so amazingly simple for me to control that it kind of makes me wonder, but I am learning slowly but surely that ok I *do* have all these disorders, and I am gonna have to take what I have to take, whether my husband thinks I am "mental" or not. Thanks for the kind responses! May
Response:
Hi, May — Listen, I understand what you’re saying. It can be very frustrating to experience *freedom* from anxiety and depression, only to re-encounter it, or whatever, later on. The thing is, though, May, I think that if asked, everyone in this group, and others elsewhere, would say, *NO, I do not want to be on medication to control my anxiety and/or depression and/or whatnot.* But for some of us, it seems to be something that we have found that helps us. It sounds to me that that is what happened to you. And I don’t THINK there’s any *limit* on how many disorders one can accumulate. I, myself, refuse to consider other possibilities for myself, and am sticking with *just* depression and anxiety. It’s enough for me, and I can fit other stuff under those categories if I want to. I feel I’ve become somewhat jaded — okay, a lot jaded, with respect to diagnoses and going to doctors, myself. But, I have to admit, the meds I’m taking now have SEEMINGLY helped me. Well, I know they have. But I do not want to be on them. And every time I find myself *obsessing* about something, I wonder: *Gosh, is it possible I *have* OCD as well?* And so, I just have given up on accumulating any more diagnoses. However, if you feel like the med worked for you in the past, then I think you should consider re-taking it. And what’s this about your doctor? You need to have a doctor in whom you can trust, and feel comfortable. You should not be *worrying* about what your doctor will think of you when you check in with them. The doctor is there to help you, not judge you. You know all this, I’m sure. Oftentimes I have thought that having children must be VERY difficult for those of us who experience depression. I mean, there have been times when I could not take care of myself, much less any children. But nonetheless, you do have your kids, and they are your responsibility. And you can USE that relationship to YOUR advantage — and to their benefit, as well. It sounds to me as though you may be feeling somewhat overwhelmed. Give yourself a break, May. Try to be kind to yourself. Easier said than done, at times – how well I know. Take some time and ask yourself what it is you LIKE about yourself. If you can’t come up with anything, it’s time to do something different. And tell alcoholic husband to get off your case. Hey, what’s hubby doing about his alcohol problem? Anything? Tell him to work on himself before he starts telling YOU what YOU should be doing, or NOT be doing. Hang in there, May. The venting is good for the soul, me thinks. At least at times, it has been for me. It’s better to express your feelings in some way – either talking to a friend, writing in a journal, or telling us here at ASAP what it is you’re feeling, and what it is you’re thinking. Best Wishes, and thinking of you… — Blue (some days are just harder than other days, you know?… ) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I just don’t know what else can go wrong with me. I have the panic undercontrol finally, no problems with depression..Things have been going great since the beginning of the year when I got off Paxil and onto Pamelor and Xanax..I can drive, I can make phone calls, I have lost 50 pounds without trying, people at work are asking wow whats up with you, you look great? And all of a sudden wham! The day before my birthday I felt like I was hit by a truck..not ordinary depression but almost paralzying depression and I feel like its all due to the ADD I was diagnosed with so many years ago, when my first son, now 21 was diagnosed with it. It’s not situational depression, things are not any worse and in some ways better for me then they have been for many times in life, though my life has never been smooth. All of a sudden, now there are no panic attacks and no pits of depression and I am looking around and seeing how much of a mess my house is, how unfocused I am, how unable to finish a task I am..and I just feel like giving up. How many things can a person have wrong with them? Am I just having the illness of the month or what..And why can’t I snap out of it? I feel like I need ritalin again which I havent taken for almost 15 years..now what is my doctor going to think if I go in there and say oh sorry now Im not panicked and Im not depressed I am bogged in ADD..What is wrong with me that I can’t pull myself out of these things without medication.. and how many disorders can one person have? The worst thing of all is knowing that I have passed these things to my kids..I almost feel like I am tired of living, but I know there is no one else here for the four still here. I don’t know why I am writing this except there is no one else to reach out to..my alcoholic husband says I just like drugs..I am ready to stop taking everything and go back to where I was a year ago..trapped in a house of chaos, unable to drive. Instead I am going to my family doctor tomorrow to ask for Adipex-P because I have had some luck with it before for my lack of focus, and I am still forty pounds overweight, so I have a reason to ask for it though its not the real reason I need it. I am just at the end of my rope, I know better than to quit taking my meds but something is not right and I do feel like what my husband says, a drug seeker, an addict for needing all these things. Ok thats enough I guess, I have fifty two million things to do and of course I am not going to do any of them..I am just going to try to get through this night as painlessly as possible. Bleah May
Response:
May- It’s good that you can share your feelings with us. We are all here for each other to lend support or share experiences. I have felt depressed lately and I know in my heart that I have many things to be happy about. I actually made a mental list of things I was grateful for and that helped me to start feeling better. I am thinking about starting to write these items down so I can refer to them when I feel down. It’s true that a lot of us are taking meds and would rather be med-free. I got so caught up in not wanting to take meds anymore because I was feeling so good that a few months ago I stopped them and I am now back in the anxiety mode. I had a major PA and now am struggling with the frustration of this relapse. I feel responsible for it because I decided to stop taking meds. I did wean off them but I guess my body really needs to have the balance that they give me. I am back on them and the edge is off but I am dealing with the depression of feeling physically sick all the time. Maybe your body needs the balance right now of the meds for ADD. You have to try not to beat yourself up about it. I am realizing that the negative thinking does nothing but prolong the cycle of anxiety/depression. I have 2 kids and they are a big support for me. They help me get beyond my "head" and move towards activity. They are also great at giving hugs and kisses when I am really feeling down and icky. I talk with them about what I am going through. I figure that if I can learn and pass on coping skills they will be better able to handle anxiety. I hope that they will be more like my husband in that respect. he is great at handling things–very positive attitude. Hang in there. Although it may feel rough right now. Call your doctor and get an appointment. Do you see a therapist? Maybe that would help as far as having someone to talk to. I see one and she is great. Good luck, Lenore – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – undercontrol finally, no problems with depression..Things have been going great since the beginning of the year when I got off Paxil and onto Pamelor and Xanax..I can drive, I can make phone calls, I have lost 50 pounds without trying, people at work are asking wow whats up with you, you look great? And all of a sudden wham! The day before my birthday I felt like I was hit by a truck..not ordinary depression but almost paralzying depression and I feel like its all due to the ADD I was diagnosed with so many years ago, when my first son, now 21 was diagnosed with it. It’s not situational depression, things are not any worse and in some ways better for me then they have been for many times in life, though my life has never been smooth. All of a sudden, now there are no panic attacks and no pits of depression and I am looking around and seeing how much of a mess my house is, how unfocused I am, how unable to finish a task I am..and I just feel like giving up. How many things can a person have wrong with them? Am I just having the illness of the month or what..And why can’t I snap out of it? I feel like I need ritalin again which I havent taken for almost 15 years..now what is my doctor going to think if I go in there and say oh sorry now Im not panicked and Im not depressed I am bogged in ADD..What is wrong with me that I can’t pull myself out of these things without medication.. and how many disorders can one person have? The worst thing of all is knowing that I have passed these things to my kids..I almost feel like I am tired of living, but I know there is no one else here for the four still here. I don’t know why I am writing this except there is no one else to reach out to..my alcoholic husband says I just like drugs..I am ready to stop taking everything and go back to where I was a year ago..trapped in a house of chaos, unable to drive. Instead I am going to my family doctor tomorrow to ask for Adipex-P because I have had some luck with it before for my lack of focus, and I am still forty pounds overweight, so I have a reason to ask for it though its not the real reason I need it. I am just at the end of my rope, I know better than to quit taking my meds but something is not right and I do feel like what my husband says, a drug seeker, an addict for needing all these things. Ok thats enough I guess, I have fifty two million things to do and of course I am not going to do any of them..I am just going to try to get through this night as painlessly as possible. Bleah May
– Posted via Talkway – http://www.talkway.com Exchange ideas on practically anything ™.
Response:
I just don’t know what else can go wrong with me. I have the panic undercontrol finally, no problems with depression..Things have been going great since the beginning of the year when I got off Paxil and onto Pamelor and Xanax..I can drive, I can make phone calls, I have lost 50 pounds without trying, people at work are asking wow whats up with you, you look great? And all of a sudden wham! The day before my birthday I felt like I was hit by a truck..not ordinary depression but almost paralzying depression and I feel like its all due to the ADD I was diagnosed with so many years ago, when my first son, now 21 was diagnosed with it. It’s not situational depression, things are not any worse and in some ways better for me then they have been for many times in life, though my life has never been smooth. All of a sudden, now there are no panic attacks and no pits of depression and I am looking around and seeing how much of a mess my house is, how unfocused I am, how unable to finish a task I am..and I just feel like giving up. How many things can a person have wrong with them? Am I just having the illness of the month or what..And why can’t I snap out of it? I feel like I need ritalin again which I havent taken for almost 15 years..now what is my doctor going to think if I go in there and say oh sorry now Im not panicked and Im not depressed I am bogged in ADD..What is wrong with me that I can’t pull myself out of these things without medication.. and how many disorders can one person have? The worst thing of all is knowing that I have passed these things to my kids..I almost feel like I am tired of living, but I know there is no one else here for the four still here. I don’t know why I am writing this except there is no one else to reach out to..my alcoholic husband says I just like drugs..I am ready to stop taking everything and go back to where I was a year ago..trapped in a house of chaos, unable to drive. Instead I am going to my family doctor tomorrow to ask for Adipex-P because I have had some luck with it before for my lack of focus, and I am still forty pounds overweight, so I have a reason to ask for it though its not the real reason I need it. I am just at the end of my rope, I know better than to quit taking my meds but something is not right and I do feel like what my husband says, a drug seeker, an addict for needing all these things. Ok thats enough I guess, I have fifty two million things to do and of course I am not going to do any of them..I am just going to try to get through this night as painlessly as possible. Bleah May
If you like this post and would like to receive updates from this blog, please subscribe our feed.