Question:
When I was at my psych doc’s the other day for a check up, I mentioned to him that I hadn’t been feeling quite like myself for the past week or so. He mentioned, among other things, that I am still very much in tune with my feelings. As I was sitting on my back porch this morning drinking my tea, I started thinking about what he had said and was kind of putting myself down for still being afraid everytime I "feel" different. Then I realized it’s only been a little over 8 months that I started my AD that put me on the road to recovery. Before that I had suffered two years of really bad anxiety, panic, and depression. I started thinking that no one understands how long it takes us to recover from the effects of this condition after we start feeling better again. I don’t think even we do. You bet I’m still afraid of going back to where I was nine months ago. It’s only a very short time of recovery when you look at it realistically. My memories of the bad times are still with me. My point is that it takes us as long as it takes to recover from the effects of what panic,anxiety, and depression has done to our minds and to our bodies. We don’t get better overnight from something we suffered from for a long time even though we certainly feel better than we did before. It takes time for the bad memories to fade. It takes time for us to trust our meds. And it takes time for our bodies to recuperate. So instead of putting myself down, I’m now realizing my thinking is pretty normal under the circumstances and I’m just going to go with the flow. I’m also accepting that it’s going to take time….time to heal and time to forget. I’d be interested in hearing from others in the group about this. Did any of you who are longer in your recovery have the same problem in the beginning as I’m having? And do you still have an occasional down time that upsets you a little? I’d really like to know. Thanks for listening. 
Love, Rita Before you buy.
Response:
Hello Rita: I can relate to your posting. I was first diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder about ten years ago. It did take a while for me to recover. I was very uninformed when I was first diagnosed. I researched all I could on AD and at least now I know what it is all about. It was scary at first but I have had many years to get used to it. It took quite a while to find the proper medication. So far I have had two relapses. Initially, once on the right meds, I was AD free for approximently two years. I suffered another relapse and was prescribed other meds. I finally found the meds that worked right for me and I was AD free for five years. Now, I am having another relapse. My meds have been increased and I am once again starting the recovery process. I think it gets easier each time. I feel very blessed that I have had so many years AD free. My pdoc feels my AD is totally chemical because of how well I respond to medication. While in recovery I do get very depressed and frustrated. Sometimes I don’t know if I want to cry or burst out in anger. I know this is a very normal reaction while in recovery. It is still very disheartening at times. My memories of bad panic attacks are always with me. I can remember all my panic attacks – even the ones that occurred ten years ago. Once I start to feel better, all those BAD times are forgotten. I just seem to conger them up when I experience a relapse. Don’t worry, what you are feeling is normal. You will get stronger and stronger as the days progress. Take your time and know that it is okay to feel the way you do. Zed
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – When I was at my psych doc’s the other day for a check up, I mentioned to him that I hadn’t been feeling quite like myself for the past week or so. He mentioned, among other things, that I am still very much in tune with my feelings. As I was sitting on my back porch this morning drinking my tea, I started thinking about what he had said and was kind of putting myself down for still being afraid everytime I "feel" different. Then I realized it’s only been a little over 8 months that I started my AD that put me on the road to recovery. Before that I had suffered two years of really bad anxiety, panic, and depression. I started thinking that no one understands how long it takes us to recover from the effects of this condition after we start feeling better again. I don’t think even we do. You bet I’m still afraid of going back to where I was nine months ago. It’s only a very short time of recovery when you look at it realistically. My memories of the bad times are still with me. My point is that it takes us as long as it takes to recover from the effects of what panic,anxiety, and depression has done to our minds and to our bodies. We don’t get better overnight from something we suffered from for a long time even though we certainly feel better than we did before. It takes time for the bad memories to fade. It takes time for us to trust our meds. And it takes time for our bodies to recuperate. So instead of putting myself down, I’m now realizing my thinking is pretty normal under the circumstances and I’m just going to go with the flow. I’m also accepting that it’s going to take time….time to heal and time to forget. I’d be interested in hearing from others in the group about this. Did any of you who are longer in your recovery have the same problem in the beginning as I’m having? And do you still have an occasional down time that upsets you a little? I’d really like to know. Thanks for listening. Love, Rita Before you buy.
Response:
Yes, Yes, Yes Rita, Your recovery is a process, not an event. You are right in that it is perfectly normal in the circumstances for you to have a few off days now and then. Memory can bring feeling back so swiftly in a person recovering form nervous illness. Tired nerves and tired minds all take time to gain their strength after such a battering they get when we are in the midst of our suffering. It does take time (Dr Weekes’ books say "let time pass" rather than "be patient"!!) so we must let time pass. And just as we would let time pass for our body to heal a broken bone, so we must let nature heal our nerves. All the while we must remember that our memories are quick to bluff us back into illness if we let them, so when unwanted thoughts wander into our minds, as long as we see them for what they are – just thoughts and memories in a tired mind – and give them little regard, we continue in our recovery. The same applies to feelings, if we realise that what we feel (maybe a little anxious one day for no apparent reason) is again, just a bad habit and don’t pay the feelings much respect and get on with our day, they disappear and full recovery gets even closer. There will most likely be times in your recovery when you think your not so good, but always look forward, never look back, always on and towards recovery. Remember memory feels very real, but don’t be bluffed by it, it’s all part of your recovery, embrace it as another opportunity to accept it. With acceptance comes peace. You said you will "go with the flow" Rita – you’ve got the idea, you sound well on your way to recovery. Best wishes Sunday – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – When I was at my psych doc’s the other day for a check up, I mentioned to him that I hadn’t been feeling quite like myself for the past week or so. He mentioned, among other things, that I am still very much in tune with my feelings. As I was sitting on my back porch this morning drinking my tea, I started thinking about what he had said and was kind of putting myself down for still being afraid everytime I "feel" different. Then I realized it’s only been a little over 8 months that I started my AD that put me on the road to recovery. Before that I had suffered two years of really bad anxiety, panic, and depression. I started thinking that no one understands how long it takes us to recover from the effects of this condition after we start feeling better again. I don’t think even we do. You bet I’m still afraid of going back to where I was nine months ago. It’s only a very short time of recovery when you look at it realistically. My memories of the bad times are still with me. My point is that it takes us as long as it takes to recover from the effects of what panic,anxiety, and depression has done to our minds and to our bodies. We don’t get better overnight from something we suffered from for a long time even though we certainly feel better than we did before. It takes time for the bad memories to fade. It takes time for us to trust our meds. And it takes time for our bodies to recuperate. So instead of putting myself down, I’m now realizing my thinking is pretty normal under the circumstances and I’m just going to go with the flow. I’m also accepting that it’s going to take time….time to heal and time to forget. I’d be interested in hearing from others in the group about this. Did any of you who are longer in your recovery have the same problem in the beginning as I’m having? And do you still have an occasional down time that upsets you a little? I’d really like to know. Thanks for listening. Love, Rita Before you buy.
Response:
You remind me of when I first started on Paxil, nearly eight years ago now…. In two weeks, I was feeling so "normal" it scared me. I walked around on tiptoe, waiting for the crash. It never came, and after a while, I relaxed. It was hard to trust something that worked so well, so fast. I still had a lot of work to do on my thought patterns, (still working on that, too) to deal with depression, but I could get out and get a job and stuff like that, and that was so helpful. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – When I was at my psych doc’s the other day for a check up, I mentioned to him that I hadn’t been feeling quite like myself for the past week or so. He mentioned, among other things, that I am still very much in tune with my feelings. As I was sitting on my back porch this morning drinking my tea, I started thinking about what he had said and was kind of putting myself down for still being afraid everytime I "feel" different. Then I realized it’s only been a little over 8 months that I started my AD that put me on the road to recovery. Before that I had suffered two years of really bad anxiety, panic, and depression. I started thinking that no one understands how long it takes us to recover from the effects of this condition after we start feeling better again. I don’t think even we do. You bet I’m still afraid of going back to where I was nine months ago. It’s only a very short time of recovery when you look at it realistically. My memories of the bad times are still with me. My point is that it takes us as long as it takes to recover from the effects of what panic,anxiety, and depression has done to our minds and to our bodies. We don’t get better overnight from something we suffered from for a long time even though we certainly feel better than we did before. It takes time for the bad memories to fade. It takes time for us to trust our meds. And it takes time for our bodies to recuperate. So instead of putting myself down, I’m now realizing my thinking is pretty normal under the circumstances and I’m just going to go with the flow. I’m also accepting that it’s going to take time….time to heal and time to forget. I’d be interested in hearing from others in the group about this. Did any of you who are longer in your recovery have the same problem in the beginning as I’m having? And do you still have an occasional down time that upsets you a little? I’d really like to know. Thanks for listening. Love, Rita Before you buy.
Response:
my "old self" sucked
good for you this is a good insight-now to add to the memory aspect of recovery many studies have indicated that nueronal synapses have memory meaning once a pthway has been created we remember things better since the chemical resistance in thatpathway becomes less-this is how we learn some things easier then others (simplisticaly explained anyway)-when people who have been given a specific amount of alcohol are given random numbers or nonsense words to memorize they find recall easier if they ingest the same amount of alcohol-when we remember an anxiety event it is simply that the resistance to "not" remember is less then the resistance to remember and that memory is activated once we enter the specific mode of thinking or emotions that trigered it to begin with-so what happens is our brains in a sense fake us out by remembering these nasty memories in some way as to erroneously protect us from some perceived danger-when we make new pathways or allow the old ones to extinguish and expire the road to recovery beomes easier and these randon memories fade like a bad dream fades-if we allow each emotion we feel to activate the Oh no what is this mode we naturaly sense that this feeling may be dangerous or bad or wrong when in fact it is just the normal state of feelings all people have we have had and just accepted ignored or paid little attention to-this slows down and fades as we get past the additive analysis we do when living in the moment. LM
Response:
OMG….All I could think about was "when am I going to feel like my old self again" After reading what you wrote, Margrove, I realize my "old self" sucked in so many ways. Though I wasn’t having PAs I was always in a anxious state…yeah, one that I could handle but it was just as unpleasant as what I going through now. I understand it’s time for me to move on and recover…I can never be my "old self" again, nir should I want to be. (((((hugs)))) Lorri – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -answer-yes to all of the above until I realized I am not the same and won’t be-beacuse what got me into a chronic condition of anxiety was the old me-now I am the new and improved me. You will never I repeate NEVER not be in tune with your feelings-thanks God I say-other wise you would be a cockey normie who goes through life with their head up their ass-One day you will begin to accept yourself and your sensitivities once you understand your acceptance has no conditions no codicils no fine print-accpet your feelings not as fact or proof you feel but just as what they are-a sensation a feeling that most often is generated by thought and when you can’t find the thought and your feelings just change or get raw or mopey or excited you accept that as being normal-cause it is-and EVERYONE FEELS IT. they just aren’t aware of it-you are and once an awarness is made conscious it cannot be made unconscious-appreciate your sensitivity-we do. LM
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – When I was at my psych doc’s the other day for a check up, I mentioned to him that I hadn’t been feeling quite like myself for the past week or so. He mentioned, among other things, that I am still very much in tune with my feelings. As I was sitting on my back porch this morning drinking my tea, I started thinking about what he had said and was kind of putting myself down for still being afraid everytime I "feel" different. Then I realized it’s only been a little over 8 months that I started my AD that put me on the road to recovery. Before that I had suffered two years of really bad anxiety, panic, and depression. I started thinking that no one understands how long it takes us to recover from the effects of this condition after we start feeling better again. I don’t think even we do. You bet I’m still afraid of going back to where I was nine months ago. It’s only a very short time of recovery when you look at it realistically. My memories of the bad times are still with me. My point is that it takes us as long as it takes to recover from the effects of what panic,anxiety, and depression has done to our minds and to our bodies. We don’t get better overnight from something we suffered from for a long time even though we certainly feel better than we did before. It takes time for the bad memories to fade. It takes time for us to trust our meds. And it takes time for our bodies to recuperate. So instead of putting myself down, I’m now realizing my thinking is pretty normal under the circumstances and I’m just going to go with the flow. I’m also accepting that it’s going to take time….time to heal and time to forget. I’d be interested in hearing from others in the group about this. Did any of you who are longer in your recovery have the same problem in the beginning as I’m having? And do you still have an occasional down time that upsets you a little? I’d really like to know. Thanks for listening. Love, Rita Before you buy.
answer-yes to all of the above until I realized I am not the same and won’t be-beacuse what got me into a chronic condition of anxiety was the old me-now I am the new and improved me. You will never I repeate NEVER not be in tune with your feelings-thanks God I say-other wise you would be a cockey normie who goes through life with their head up their ass-One day you will begin to accept yourself and your sensitivities once you understand your acceptance has no conditions no codicils no fine print-accpet your feelings not as fact or proof you feel but just as what they are-a sensation a feeling that most often is generated by thought and when you can’t find the thought and your feelings just change or get raw or mopey or excited you accept that as being normal-cause it is-and EVERYONE FEELS IT. they just aren’t aware of it-you are and once an awarness is made conscious it cannot be made unconscious-appreciate your sensitivity-we do. LM
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – When I was at my psych doc’s the other day for a check up, I mentioned to him that I hadn’t been feeling quite like myself for the past week or so. He mentioned, among other things, that I am still very much in tune with my feelings. As I was sitting on my back porch this morning drinking my tea, I started thinking about what he had said and was kind of putting myself down for still being afraid everytime I "feel" different. Then I realized it’s only been a little over 8 months that I started my AD that put me on the road to recovery. Before that I had suffered two years of really bad anxiety, panic, and depression. I started thinking that no one understands how long it takes us to recover from the effects of this condition after we start feeling better again. I don’t think even we do. You bet I’m still afraid of going back to where I was nine months ago. It’s only a very short time of recovery when you look at it realistically. My memories of the bad times are still with me. My point is that it takes us as long as it takes to recover from the effects of what panic,anxiety, and depression has done to our minds and to our bodies. We don’t get better overnight from something we suffered from for a long time even though we certainly feel better than we did before. It takes time for the bad memories to fade. It takes time for us to trust our meds. And it takes time for our bodies to recuperate. So instead of putting myself down, I’m now realizing my thinking is pretty normal under the circumstances and I’m just going to go with the flow. I’m also accepting that it’s going to take time….time to heal and time to forget. I’d be interested in hearing from others in the group about this. Did any of you who are longer in your recovery have the same problem in the beginning as I’m having? And do you still have an occasional down time that upsets you a little? I’d really like to know. Thanks for listening. Love, Rita
Hi Rita! You are very wise! I’m such an impatient person that I thought a few months of therapy would cure me in the beginning. Boy, was I surprised that it hung on and hung on! Everytime I get a setback I feel like you do. Somedays I can cope with it and other days I’m telling myself to get on with it, get on with life, it’s been years and you haven’t progressed. I realize I can’t keep telling myself that. It doesn’t do any good. I have to accept this and learn to be more patient. Now that’s another thing I added to my list LOL! Love, Di
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – When I was at my psych doc’s the other day for a check up, I mentioned to him that I hadn’t been feeling quite like myself for the past week or so. He mentioned, among other things, that I am still very much in tune with my feelings. As I was sitting on my back porch this morning drinking my tea, I started thinking about what he had said and was kind of putting myself down for still being afraid everytime I "feel" different. Then I realized it’s only been a little over 8 months that I started my AD that put me on the road to recovery. Before that I had suffered two years of really bad anxiety, panic, and depression. I started thinking that no one understands how long it takes us to recover from the effects of this condition after we start feeling better again. I don’t think even we do. You bet I’m still afraid of going back to where I was nine months ago. It’s only a very short time of recovery when you look at it realistically. My memories of the bad times are still with me. My point is that it takes us as long as it takes to recover from the effects of what panic,anxiety, and depression has done to our minds and to our bodies. We don’t get better overnight from something we suffered from for a long time even though we certainly feel better than we did before. It takes time for the bad memories to fade. It takes time for us to trust our meds. And it takes time for our bodies to recuperate. So instead of putting myself down, I’m now realizing my thinking is pretty normal under the circumstances and I’m just going to go with the flow. I’m also accepting that it’s going to take time….time to heal and time to forget. I’d be interested in hearing from others in the group about this. Did any of you who are longer in your recovery have the same problem in the beginning as I’m having? And do you still have an occasional down time that upsets you a little? I’d really like to know. Thanks for listening. Love, Rita
I have PD since 1968. I did *everything* with it, including going through university, eating out, traveling and even fying, speaking in public…. even though I often felt scared stiff. I don’t think I ever thought much about it, it was just a condition I had to live with to me. It caused me trouble but it didn’t slow me down. Then three years ago (after a medless 6 months or so) I crashed so tereribly including four months of almost constant *status panicus* (yes, Margrove, I agree that this is something about which the last word has not been said 
) , 20 hours of panic followed by 2 or 3 hours of nightmares only to wake up in a worse panic. I had agoraphobia in my own house, I experienced vertigo, I sat down on a chair until I couldn’t manage anymore because of panic, then I paced around the room until I couldn’t do that anymore, then I laid down on the floor until panic was too bad and then I went back to sitting on a chair etc. I cried a lot which in turn scared me. I couldn’t eat and what I could eat I couldn’t eat with the family, I was scared of my children’s voices, of the sound of my PC, of *everything*. As I couldn’t stand the light I closed the curtains but then I found it too dark and opened them again. I could not stand any music, the most harmonious sounds sounded horrible, dissonant and threatening. I shook all the time. Often I couldn’t walk because of vertigo. The floor seemed to move like a boat in a storm. I wish I were dead. Etc.etc. I actually scare myself writing it down. And there was more. Finally a good combo of meds kicked in and PA’s around the house all but disappeared. Then I could almost literally be *dragged* to the CB-therapist’s office and practiced CBT and could get out of the house again within an expanding safety zone. Etc.etc. I felt on top of the world compared with those dark days. I do not think that I will *ever* lose my fear of going back there again. It changed me. No longer do I take my PD in stride. Every time I feel anxious or have a temporary little setback I am scared shitless that it will be like that again. I’m not sure I could handle that one more time…. I admit that I should practice CBT more than I do (although I have been doing better with that lately) but I am not a shadow of what I was before this monumental setback (not that people can notice this). I mean, I don’t have PA’s around the house, I am less agoraphobic than I was, I can go to meetings and exhibitions and eat out and visit friends and the like again, but I am not doing public transport on my own, let alone travel out of town alone and I don’t go to concerts, opera and so on. Maybe I can learn to do that again, after all I *can* travel abroad with my wife. But I think the memory of those days is *so* strong that it has scarred me for life. Which does not mean that I am unsatisfied with my life as it is. It has its limitations but I feel quite happy. I can work, I have a loving wife, great kids, a big house with a back yard 5 minutes from the sea, 15.000 CD’s & LP’s and thousands of books, a girlfriend who is an agoraphobic’s dream as she lives literally around the corner <g, I have RL friends and I have you guys….. Philip – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Before you buy.
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