Question:
I just want to thank all the people who responded to my post in this newsgroup and also to those who responded through email. You guys are incredibly supportive It amaizes me. Elliot yes I used to hang around on the efnet early last year on the depressed and suicide channels but I stopped going there. It was like a home to me. But I was working and got too busy and forgot about it and later i hung around on the undernet… After some terrible things that happened in my channel i.e. suicides … I quit my channel 
. Yes I would like to hang around your channel a bit to see what is going on:) Thanks for the invite. I often use the nick Tarbs. Thanks again everybody Tarbs
Response:
I had to stumble across ASAP too. 
Welcome to ASAP Jerry!
Thanks Arthur :) It was nice of you to write back Again, I have to say me too. Panic attacks are worse than facing death, so it’s no great surprise that the suicide rate for panic disorder is greater than that for depression. But you sound like me in the sense that you spent allot of time *thinking* about suicide. In my case, I eventually realized that if I *really* wanted to commit suicide, I would have done it by then. I really didn’t want to kill myself, but rather I wanted to kill the pain within me. Honestly, you wouldn’t be so upset about it if you didn’t love life, and it obviously takes great courage to talk about it. So you are obviously a very brave person who simply wants to live without the pain. I think those are very admirable qualities.
Is the number of suicides for panic attack sufferers greater than depression sufferers? ReALLY? I didnt know that at all. I’ve been hanging out in the depression channels for a while as well… I thought *they* had it bad… but I also *knew* that there was nothing like a panic attack… while they would type to me telling how meds were somehow easing the depression, I would be rolling around on the floor or just sitting there afraid of everything and in total anguish…:( One good friend of mine, rorie, in irc had committed suicide already. She was suffering from depression and diabeties. It totally destroyed me. She was so intelligent but suffeed from her own demons of depression and lack of self esteem. I as well as her absolutely did love life, in the past but somehow lost all our caring. You’re right about that. It is all so terrribly sad. Even though i can help others with their problems, or may be able to solve every common problem in life. I cannot seem to find any solution to my own problems…. Rories’ told me this poem in irc once In the desert I saw a creature naked bestial feasting on its heart "Is it good friend?" I asked "It is bitter, bitter" he replied, "But I like it," "Because it is bitter," "And because it is mine"
Response:
I cant beleive there’s alt.support.anxiety-panic!!! Did a search and found it!! This is too weird, because i’ve been on the net for over two years.:P probably looked in the wrong places huh?:)
<snipped to save space Hi, Jerry – welcome to ASAP. It’s great that you found us. Hope you find the group helpful — Gary Cooper
Response:
I cant beleive there’s alt.support.anxiety-panic!!! Did a search and found it!! This is too weird, because i’ve been on the net for over two years.:P probably looked in the wrong places huh?:) Ive been in a nightmarish hell for over 4 years now. My panic attacks were really very bad that sometimes i rolled in the floor in total anquish thiniking the worst sthoughts . My avoidance behaviour has gotten so bad….it prevent s me from doing anything. Iv been actively planning my s******* … for 4 years … it is so terrible. Even hanging out in suicide channels on irc for the past year…. I would sit there and sometimes not type for hours because i would be to scared to type on the f**** keyboard… thats really how bad it is for me….. I would tell my friends that I was having a panic attack, and they would just feel sympathy for me or be curious as to why i have them…. Ive had an adventure to say the least thats for sure… im glad to see you guys even though i dont know any of you… just saying …. glad to meet you all. jerry
Response:
: I cant beleive there’s alt.support.anxiety-panic!!! Did a search and : found it!! This is too weird, because i’ve been on the net for over : two years.:P probably looked in the wrong places huh?:) I had to stumble across ASAP too. Welcome to ASAP Jerry! : Ive been in a nightmarish hell for over 4 years now. My panic attacks : were really very bad that sometimes i rolled in the floor in total : anquish thiniking the worst sthoughts. I know that feeling! Terrible, isn’t it. : My avoidance behaviour has : gotten so bad….it prevent s me from doing anything. Iv been actively : planning my s******* … for 4 years … it is so terrible. Even : hanging out in suicide channels on irc for the past year…. I would : sit there and sometimes not type for hours because i would be to : scared to type on the f**** keyboard… thats really how bad it is for : me….. Again, I have to say me too. Panic attacks are worse than facing death, so it’s no great surprise that the suicide rate for panic disorder is greater than that for depression. But you sound like me in the sense that you spent allot of time *thinking* about suicide. In my case, I eventually realized that if I *really* wanted to commit suicide, I would have done it by then. I really didn’t want to kill myself, but rather I wanted to kill the pain within me. Honestly, you wouldn’t be so upset about it if you didn’t love life, and it obviously takes great courage to talk about it. So you are obviously a very brave person who simply wants to live without the pain. I think those are very admirable qualities. : I would tell my friends that I was having a panic attack, and : they would just feel sympathy for me or be curious as to why i have : them…. Ive had an adventure to say the least thats for sure… : im glad to see you guys even though i dont know any of you… : just saying …. glad to meet you all. Glad to meet you too Jerry. You are welcome to post or e-mail us at any time. Keep in touch with us. Best Wishes, Arthur
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