Trauma – PTSD

Question:

1. – see your regular doctor if you can’t see the other in a timely way, what you descibe sounds scary for you. 2. – as for the violent thoughts, consider that they may be an expression of how you feel about yourself. Is there something particular about the thoughts and people? Do you want to throw things at the ‘happy smiley perfect family of four’ types, but everyone else is OK? It’s just that I do this sometimes – for me it’s just an expression of anger and frustration, it’s not like I would actually do it – kind of a fantasy relief. Now if you think you would do something, that’s a completely different matter. Hope you get through this OK – it sounds like a rocky road you have travelled so far. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi everyone. A while back I got into the wrong group of friends and here I was around some pretty awful people that commited a lot of crimes. These people ended up kidnapping me and almost killing me for a simple misunderstanding on their part. I had originally had a panic disorder before hand which had managed to make me an agoraphobic and keep me in my little safe zone for just over a year! This unfortunate occurence sent me shooting backwards in a big way, I managed to stop myself from becoming agoraphobic again but became acutly afraid of everybody and thought that everyone was out to harm or use me in some way. At some point along the line I managed to realized that this was all my own fault and that I had let these people corrupt me and I paid the price for making an wrong decision. From that point onwards I became so emphatic about not making the wrong decision again that I almost drove myself crazy, I couldnt forgive myself for the mistakes that I had made and felt very depressed and worried that I might turn into, or I was pre-disposed to be a criminal like those people I once associated with.. I became wrapped up so tightly into my study and anything that could posibly stop me thinking about what had happend and my mistakes, I started achieving great results at college, but at a price – I almost lost all of my friends and family in the process. All of a sudden seemingly out of no-where I started having very violent thoughts towards other people. I didnt know why this was occuring and it scare the crap out of me, I was having panic attacks left right and center and starting to think I am becoming schitzophrenic and a risk to society! I dont think I am capable of acting on these thoughts but right now they are taking up all of my thoughts for the whole day. I am losing sleep over this and dont know what to do. I dont think I am a bad person capable of hurting other but I feel that I just cant trust myself. I fear so much of losing control! I dont know if I am schitz, bi-polar or just plain paranoid again! COULD SOMEBODY PLEASE OFFER ME SOME ADVICE! Ive done all the reI dont know how much longer I can keep going on like this, I’m planning to see a psychiatrist but it is taking too long and this is eating me up.. Can anyone tell me what they think my problem is and if it is serious or not and I am worrying over nothing. I have no support network and you people are all I have.. Thanks for listening — Joel

Response:

Joel I understand where you’re coming from. When I was much younger some people I knew dragged me into a criminal enterprise which resulted in three of them doing 18 months for fraud. I became very depressed and panicky and my mother thought I was sinking into schizophrenia, which we have had experience of in the family but which I have not had. The anxiety and distress caused by being involved in something criminal against your nature is terrifying. After I was eventually interviewed by the legal authorities (months after the initial arrests) I started to feel better but it was sometime before I really got over it. Although I was not prosecuted and was actually scheduled to appear as a prosecution witness, the crooks pleaded guilty and I didn’t need to appear. I changed completely. I punished myself (non-physically) for about the same time as these creeps were in the nick, mostly by denying myself leisure and company. You don’t say what kinds of crime you were involved in and I don’t really think it’s that important. I would say you are reacting to what has happened by identifying with these guys and it takes some effort to realise you are not them. I still remember the times that were good when I was in the company of the crooks I knew. I spent Christmas with them one year and it was great, you know. But enjoying somebody’s company and taking on their personality are completely different. I think you need to offload this. My experience with the criminals was that confession was good for the soul. You may not be in that position, especially if they have already assaulted you. As others have said, your safety is important and you need to get out of harm’s way – including these creepos. It does get better but you have to realise that you were used by these people and what you’re feeling is bound up with the difficulty of recognising that although they were your mates they were also bad people. You have not been corrupted. You may find that you have been made more difficult to corrupt by your experiences – what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, as Nietzsche would have it. All the best John

Response:

Hi everyone. A while back I got into the wrong group of friends and here I was around some pretty awful people that commited a lot of crimes.

Dear Joel, You did not mentioned if you are taking any meds, are you? I agree with Dugle that a visit to your family practitioner is a prudent move to make while you are waiting to see a pdoc. If you feel that you may act on these violent thoughts, please go to the nearest ER and ask for help. It is critically important for you to be safe. Keep on posting and sharing Take care and be well, —– … Something Deep!

Response:

Hi everyone. A while back I got into the wrong group of friends and here I was around some pretty awful people that commited a lot of crimes. These people ended up kidnapping me and almost killing me for a simple misunderstanding on their part. I had originally had a panic disorder before hand which had managed to make me an agoraphobic and keep me in my little safe zone for just over a year! This unfortunate occurence sent me shooting backwards in a big way, I managed to stop myself from becoming agoraphobic again but became acutly afraid of everybody and thought that everyone was out to harm or use me in some way. At some point along the line I managed to realized that this was all my own fault and that I had let these people corrupt me and I paid the price for making an wrong decision. From that point onwards I became so emphatic about not making the wrong decision again that I almost drove myself crazy, I couldnt forgive myself for the mistakes that I had made and felt very depressed and worried that I might turn into, or I was pre-disposed to be a criminal like those people I once associated with.. I became wrapped up so tightly into my study and anything that could posibly stop me thinking about what had happend and my mistakes, I started achieving great results at college, but at a price – I almost lost all of my friends and family in the process. All of a sudden seemingly out of no-where I started having very violent thoughts towards other people. I didnt know why this was occuring and it scare the crap out of me, I was having panic attacks left right and center and starting to think I am becoming schitzophrenic and a risk to society! I dont think I am capable of acting on these thoughts but right now they are taking up all of my thoughts for the whole day. I am losing sleep over this and dont know what to do. I dont think I am a bad person capable of hurting other but I feel that I just cant trust myself. I fear so much of losing control! I dont know if I am schitz, bi-polar or just plain paranoid again! COULD SOMEBODY PLEASE OFFER ME SOME ADVICE! Ive done all the reI dont know how much longer I can keep going on like this, I’m planning to see a psychiatrist but it is taking too long and this is eating me up.. Can anyone tell me what they think my problem is and if it is serious or not and I am worrying over nothing. I have no support network and you people are all I have.. Thanks for listening — Joel

Response:

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