Question:
Hi Ally 
Welcome to the group. I read your reply to Joanie.. lots of good sound advice. You definately sound like someone with this disorder too 
… I suffered as a child only they never knew what it was until lots of years later. Maybe they had a clue but I wouldnt know what they called it. My mom suffered from it and never got any real help until they labled it and found out that meds and CBT helped. Looking forward to hearing from both of you Welcome aboard Stacy
Response:
Always feel free to jump in… that is the best way to get help if it can be provided We are all in this together, it sucks.. but at least we know we are not alone Stacy
| x-no-archive: yes | | thanks Stacy, | that means a lot, i felt weird jumping in there when i hadn’t even | formally said ‘hi’ or anything. i hoped it wouldn’t have been taken | the wrong way. i’m sorry to hear that you suffered so long with this. | thank you for making me feel better today :O) | sincerely, | Ally
|| Hi Ally || || Welcome to the group. I read your reply to Joanie.. lots of good || sound advice. You definately sound like someone with this disorder || too … || || I suffered as a child only they never knew what it was until lots of || years later. Maybe they had a clue but I wouldnt know what they || called it. My mom suffered from it and never got any real help || until they labled it and found out that meds and CBT helped. || || Looking forward to hearing from both of you || || Welcome aboard || || Stacy
Response:
Hello everyone, I’ve been reading the posts on here, and it sounds like I fit right in. A little background info about me. I had my first panic attack when I was 18. I got out of a miserable two year relationship, and a month later I started my career in anxiety. It happened while I was driving, and it scared me so bad that I was afraid to drive for about a year. Eventually, they tapered off; but I did manage to become a full-fledged hypochrondriac. They tried so many different meds on me. Effexor was the first as it had just come out. My jaw felt locked, and I yawned a lot. I ditched that. Prozac seemed to help, but I didn’t like being on medication. Paxil, Zoloft, were among the others, but the last time I took Paxil I felt like my eyeballs were jiggling (strange, huh?) About two years ago, they tried me on Celexa, but that caused sexual dysfunction, which only put me into depression. I ditched that as well. So here I am today not having had any medication for two years. (except a script for 10 ativan (sp?)) that I got from er when I was having chest pain). Last summer I had a couple of very scary panic episodes. I found myself taking note of safe places while I drove. (doctor’s offices, emergency facilities) just in case I needed help. I knew at that point they were back. I was sitting at a party with my family feeding my baby her bottle when I went completely blind for about 10 seconds. My sister (who has panic disorder) must have recognized the look on my face because she grabbed the baby and told me it was only adrenalin. That is the third time I have gone "blind" with panic. My other sister, who is studying for her RN, told me that was called "hysterical blindness". Has anyone had that? Anyhow, a few months ago, I was standing in the post office when I had a MAJOR anxiety attack. I’m in there all of the time because I sell a lot on Ebay so I wanted to run up and tell one of the girls that I was having a panic attack and could I go sit in the back. Eventually, I calmed down and was able to get through it. Now, I am totally afraid to go back there. I purposely have gone back to try and face my fears, but I have an attack every time. I can go to every other post office in town, and I’m fine. This upsets me because that is my favorite one. Then I’ve managed to get myself another phobia. I love to tan, and it was easy because my ex husband owned a tanning bed. I would bring my relaxtion cd’s and meditate while I tanned. Well, he sold the tanning bed so I’ve had to go back to a public one where I used to go a couple of years ago. I got in the tanning bed, and I started to freak out. It felt like I wasn’t getting any air. It scared me more because the girl at the counter was new, which made her not a "safe" person if you all know what I mean. I made it through that, but now I know that place is a trigger place for me. Now the real topper is the one I had last Friday at home. I was getting out of the tub and started to feel lightheaded. I thought, "Balls, here it comes." It went on for an hour before I called my sister. Now mind you, I have 6 children, and although all but two are in school, I was afraid I would pass out, and they would be left to fend for themselves. My sister offered to come and sit with me, and my friend stayed on the phone with me until she got here. It lasted an hour and a half. That’s the longest one I have ever had. I felt like I was choking and then I got very nauseated. What is so awful about these attacks is that your thoughts are so disconnected that you can’t calm yourself down. Even my own house doesn’t look like my house! Luckily, I have a husband that understands, (he’s on Prozac), and he pretty much just hugged me all weekend and told me not to be afraid. I then realized that looking back at my life and even my childhood, I have always been afraid. So here is my gripe…. I thought I had conquered these horrible panic attacks a few years ago. I consider myself very spiritual after finding my own path out of a strict Catholic upbringing. I thought these pa’s were a thing of the past, and I even get frustrated at my sister who is forever saying, "My anxiety this or my anxiety that." I feel that this disorder causes so much self centeredness and self absorption, and I have really judged people that have made this whole disorder their entire life. Trying this med and that med, and they never seem any better. What is the SOURCE of my panic? What is at the root of all of this unfounded fear? I’m going to a psychiatrist tomorrow. I’m nervous about starting any new medication, but it makes me more nervous to think that I’m starting to become agoraphobic. Everything I once enjoyed has now become a nightmare to get through. I don’t want my kids seeing me like this and remembering their mom as a basket case. I try to hide it from them and so far I think I’ve been pretty successful, but I also have been starting to take one of them with me whenever I go out in public because they make me feel safe. I work part time at a gas station, an I feel like they’re going to start happening there as well. I do NOT want to be afraid to go to work. Another worry I have about the psych tomorrow is that they will just give me an SSRI and not something like xanax that will stop the trembling and panic. I find that a lot of doctors think you’re just trying to get a controlled substance. Should I just come out and ask for something? I’ve tried ativan and Klonipin, but they zone me out, and I can’t remember anything the next day. Any comments would be very appreciated! Joanie
Response:
Hey Joanie ( My dear mom’s name too!! ) You have experienced so much of the things I have. One time I guess I hyperventalated right as I woke up one morning.. I was "blind" for hours really. I could see colors and very blurred shapes but I could not focus. I think I have had "blinks" of that blindness although Ive never discussed it with anyone and the really strange thing about the entire post of yours is that one of my fears is blindness…. its a "Fade to black" fear… hard to explain. But sometimes I feel as tho I will lose my site… and immediately .. not over a period of time. I feel as tho I will see fine one minute.. and go blind the next… very weird .. but still another of my many fears. I also have 6 kids which does also explain a bit of why one would be anxious and possibly have full blown PAs. I had the full blown PAs for years when my children were very small. It wasnt until 95 that I found relief from the full blown attacks except for rare occassions. The anxiety is always with me.. but the panic is not near as bad. I have had derealization experiences that lasted up to 3 weeks at a time… very scary to live through. My oldest child is 21 and my youngest is 8 … so they are not so little anymore. I also have 2 grandkids as well..but I havent had to raise them (only babysit.. hehe )… The only med that has helped me is Prozac. I know that isnt something that will work for everyone with GAD/PAD but it sure did the trick for me. Anytime ya wanna chat and get stuff off your chest… I just know I will be able to relate. Email me or post anytime… vent, ramble or do whatever it is that might make you feel better. If you chose to ever email me… just take the "blabla" thing out of the Take care and BREATH in through your nose… SLOW.. and out through your mouth.. slowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Stacy
| Hello everyone, | | I’ve been reading the posts on here, and it sounds like I fit right | in. | | A little background info about me. I had my first panic attack when I | was 18. I got out of a miserable two year relationship, and a month | later I started my career in anxiety. It happened while I was | driving, and it scared me so bad that I was afraid to drive for about | a year. Eventually, they tapered off; but I did manage to become a | full-fledged hypochrondriac. They tried so many different meds on | me. Effexor was the first as it had just come out. My jaw felt | locked, and I yawned a lot. I ditched that. Prozac seemed to help, | but I didn’t like being on medication. Paxil, Zoloft, were among the | others, but the last time I took Paxil I felt like my eyeballs were | jiggling (strange, huh?) About two years ago, they tried me on | Celexa, but that caused sexual dysfunction, which only put me into | depression. I ditched that as well. | | So here I am today not having had any medication for two years. | (except a script for 10 ativan (sp?)) that I got from er when I was | having chest pain). | | Last summer I had a couple of very scary panic episodes. I found | myself taking note of safe places while I drove. (doctor’s offices, | emergency facilities) just in case I needed help. I knew at that | point they were back. I was sitting at a party with my family | feeding my baby her bottle when I went completely blind for about 10 | seconds. My sister (who has panic disorder) must have recognized the | look on my face because she grabbed the baby and told me it was only | adrenalin. That is the third time I have gone "blind" with panic. | My other sister, who is studying for her RN, told me that was called | "hysterical blindness". Has anyone had that? | | Anyhow, a few months ago, I was standing in the post office when I | had a MAJOR anxiety attack. I’m in there all of the time because I | sell a lot on Ebay so I wanted to run up and tell one of the girls | that I was having a panic attack and could I go sit in the back. | Eventually, I calmed down and was able to get through it. Now, I am | totally afraid to go back there. I purposely have gone back to try | and face my fears, but I have an attack every time. I can go to | every other post office in town, and I’m fine. This upsets me | because that is my favorite one. | | Then I’ve managed to get myself another phobia. I love to tan, and it | was easy because my ex husband owned a tanning bed. I would bring my | relaxtion cd’s and meditate while I tanned. Well, he sold the tanning | bed so I’ve had to go back to a public one where I used to go a couple | of years ago. I got in the tanning bed, and I started to freak out. | It felt like I wasn’t getting any air. It scared me more because the | girl at the counter was new, which made her not a "safe" person if | you all know what I mean. I made it through that, but now I know | that place is a trigger place for me. | | Now the real topper is the one I had last Friday at home. I was | getting out of the tub and started to feel lightheaded. I thought, | "Balls, here it comes." It went on for an hour before I called my | sister. Now mind you, I have 6 children, and although all but two | are in school, I was afraid I would pass out, and they would be left | to fend for themselves. My sister offered to come and sit with me, | and my friend stayed on the phone with me until she got here. It | lasted an hour and a half. That’s the longest one I have ever had. I | felt like I was choking and then I got very nauseated. What is so | awful about these attacks is that your thoughts are so disconnected | that you can’t calm yourself down. Even my own house doesn’t look | like my house! Luckily, I have a husband that understands, (he’s on | Prozac), and he pretty much just hugged me all weekend and told me | not to be afraid. I then realized that looking back at my life and | even my childhood, I have always been afraid. | | So here is my gripe…. I thought I had conquered these horrible | panic attacks a few years ago. I consider myself very spiritual | after finding my own path out of a strict Catholic upbringing. I | thought these pa’s were a thing of the past, and I even get | frustrated at my sister who is forever saying, "My anxiety this or my | anxiety that." I feel that this disorder causes so much self | centeredness and self absorption, and I have really judged people | that have made this whole disorder their entire life. Trying this | med and that med, and they never seem any better. What is the SOURCE | of my panic? What is at the root of all of this unfounded fear? | | I’m going to a psychiatrist tomorrow. I’m nervous about starting any | new medication, but it makes me more nervous to think that I’m | starting to become agoraphobic. Everything I once enjoyed has now | become a nightmare to get through. I don’t want my kids seeing me | like this and remembering their mom as a basket case. I try to hide | it from them and so far I think I’ve been pretty successful, but I | also have been starting to take one of them with me whenever I go out | in public because they make me feel safe. I work part time at a gas | station, an I feel like they’re going to start happening there as | well. I do NOT want to be afraid to go to work. | | Another worry I have about the psych tomorrow is that they will just | give me an SSRI and not something like xanax that will stop the | trembling and panic. I find that a lot of doctors think you’re just | trying to get a controlled substance. Should I just come out and ask | for something? I’ve tried ativan and Klonipin, but they zone me out, | and I can’t remember anything the next day. | | Any comments would be very appreciated! | | Joanie
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