Question:
I am new to this group, and I have something big I need to discuss. I was diagnosed with depression after a long illness, investigations are still continuing, as the viral type coonditions still affect me. I amm taking Aropax<Paxil and Valium, for the anxiety and panic that have affected me. I am a teacher. When I was in hospital with pneuonia and for a period of time after that there was a great deal of sympathy for my physical condition. I returned to my position as a teacher, I am employed this year, as I was last year, as a specialist music/arts teacher, but could not work in the position full time. I was granted part time employment and was offered a continuation of this when the new school year commenced. I rejected this and opted to return full time as there was some pressure from home for me to continue full time so that we could pay off debts etc. While at the school I continued on the cyclic depressive path… I was getting depressed because I was still depressed…and was having some major panic attacks… I couldn’t complete the term, and had the last two weeks of school off from work. When I went back to work I went to the head teachers to re-negiotiate returning to work part time. I was told that this was no longer available, and it was suggested that I took my sick leave off as a block. It turned out that the department had made a mistake with my sick leave and I had none, in fact I owed them time. When this discovered the employment, part time or full time, was re-negotiated, and I was given the option of going on full time sick leave, at half pay. I am not sure if any of you will fully understand this. I went into this meeting feeling fairly strong. I went in and asked the head teachers why I was not replaced when I was sick, which meant that class teachers missed out on their release time…I asked why the head teachers could not have taken the classes so that teachers got their release time, and why my sick leave was used as an instrument against me, so that when I spoke to any teachers, more often than not I was greeted with, "when are you coming back so that I get my release time?" All of this aided to me losing sight of the goal that I had, that was to remain employed, if part time, and I was goaded "for my own good" to going on full time sick leave….now I have to go and see a government doctor, to have an assessment made. I am terrified. I don’t want to go back to work full time, and again I am being told that I have no recourse to return part time. I have just had 17 weeks off work… and the department of education want me to return to full time employment even though I was fleeing from the school in a state of real panic. I do not feel as thoough I am going to be able to work with the children effectively…if any of you can understand this…my idea of self has been eroded, my concept of my abilities has been sort of blanketed. I know that I have the power to accept and reject what other people tell me but when it is shoved in your face sometimes it is just too hard. I hope that someone will reply Barb
Response:
: : … I have just had 17 weeks off work… and the : department of education want me to return to full time employment even : though I was fleeing from the school in a state of real panic. I do not : feel as thoough I am going to be able to work with the children : effectively…if any of you can understand this…my idea of self has been : eroded, my concept of my abilities has been sort of blanketed. I know that : I have the power to accept and reject what other people tell me but when it : is shoved in your face sometimes it is just too hard. : I hope that someone will reply : Barb Hi Barb, Welcome to ASAP. 
I think part of what you’re going through regards your personal identity being too wrapped up in your career; something I had to face once myself. You see, back in 1991, I was an ambitious spacecraft navigator. I loved my work, it was a childhood dream come true, and my career was more or less my identity. But then, in a day, I started having severe panic attacks. I didn’t know that the attacks were due to panic disorder at the time, but the attacks were chronic from day one. I managed to cling to my career for a year despite the attacks, but by 1992 my lack of productivity and reliability forced me to take a medical leave of absence from my career. Panic disorder was not at all well understood by doctors at the time, so I spent the next few years seeking a diagnosis for my attacks while being unemployable and living with family. In loosing my career I had lost my identity. I was a "has been" and current "nobody" and even felt like a non-person for a while. My situation felt even worse when people suggested that I find some way of living with the attacks, which struck me as a less than humane suggestion considering the agony I was suffering. I felt like a dropout of humanity, a failure as a human being, and became very depressed about it all. Well, after a while I realized that there was more to life than a so-called career. I reconstructed my identity based on the things I still liked to do, regardless of whether such things were career oriented or not. I discovered a new "me" whose identity was independant of awards, paychecks, and professional accomplishment. Granted, there are obvious practical drawbacks, like financial motivation, but I’d honestly prefer to be a happy person with financial problems than the opposite; and hopefully one day be a happy person with no financial problems, but for now happiness is my top priority. I’m not sure all this will make sense, but you sound like a very creative person who will understand what I mean. Let me know. Also, you might consider trying Xanax (alprazolam) in place of Valium. Xanax is generally the most effective benzodiazepine for panic attacks. Hope some of this helps. Feel free to post or e-mail us anytime. And, once again, welcome to ASAP. Best Wishes, Arthur
Response:
I think I understand the very difficult situation you are in. I have had similar problems with employment. As enlightened as everyone pretends to be and educated we are still not far from the cave man. There is a lot of fear out there and you need to be careful who you trust and don’t. Nine times out of ten people don’t care about your well being they are only thinking of themselves. You need to do that also. You need to do what is best for you. I don’t think you should work full time at this time if that is what you want. Things will get better. At least you have the courage to face your problems and not stick your head in the sand. This sets a very good example for the children you teach. I hope you work it out. Been there. Janet – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I am new to this group, and I have something big I need to discuss. I was diagnosed with depression after a long illness, investigations are still continuing, as the viral type coonditions still affect me. I amm taking Aropax<Paxil and Valium, for the anxiety and panic that have affected me. I am a teacher. When I was in hospital with pneuonia and for a period of time after that there was a great deal of sympathy for my physical condition. I returned to my position as a teacher, I am employed this year, as I was last year, as a specialist music/arts teacher, but could not work in the position full time. I was granted part time employment and was offered a continuation of this when the new school year commenced. I rejected this and opted to return full time as there was some pressure from home for me to continue full time so that we could pay off debts etc. While at the school I continued on the cyclic depressive path… I was getting depressed because I was still depressed…and was having some major panic attacks… I couldn’t complete the term, and had the last two weeks of school off from work. When I went back to work I went to the head teachers to re-negiotiate returning to work part time. I was told that this was no longer available, and it was suggested that I took my sick leave off as a block. It turned out that the department had made a mistake with my sick leave and I had none, in fact I owed them time. When this discovered the employment, part time or full time, was re-negotiated, and I was given the option of going on full time sick leave, at half pay. I am not sure if any of you will fully understand this. I went into this meeting feeling fairly strong. I went in and asked the head teachers why I was not replaced when I was sick, which meant that class teachers missed out on their release time…I asked why the head teachers could not have taken the classes so that teachers got their release time, and why my sick leave was used as an instrument against me, so that when I spoke to any teachers, more often than not I was greeted with, "when are you coming back so that I get my release time?" All of this aided to me losing sight of the goal that I had, that was to remain employed, if part time, and I was goaded "for my own good" to going on full time sick leave….now I have to go and see a government doctor, to have an assessment made. I am terrified. I don’t want to go back to work full time, and again I am being told that I have no recourse to return part time. I have just had 17 weeks off work… and the department of education want me to return to full time employment even though I was fleeing from the school in a state of real panic. I do not feel as thoough I am going to be able to work with the children effectively…if any of you can understand this…my idea of self has been eroded, my concept of my abilities has been sort of blanketed. I know that I have the power to accept and reject what other people tell me but when it is shoved in your face sometimes it is just too hard. I hope that someone will reply Barb
Response:
I was once a hot emergency room doctor with an academic appointment all at the age of 25. I was sharp and had great hands. At first I started cutting back my hours and finally I became completely disabled (still didn’t know I had panic attacks). Nobody believed me and instead I was blamed for being lazy. I sat in my car and cried when I realized I couldn’t do another shift. Somewhere in all of this is the seed of my current career (which I don’t like to complain about, but trust me, I have my good and bad days) which is creative and rewarding. One of my biggest problems is that I can’t do a lot of travelling — although public speaking is not a problem for me at all. Employment is an issue for ALL PD patients and only half can maintain full time employment. PD’ers do have a tendency towards exceptional creativity when they are not down on themselves for being different. I agree with Arthur that you can’t get all wrapped up in your identity as a teacher — but I also hope that you can dig deep inside and find work both compatable with your nervous system and your deepest desires. Dr.S. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – : : … I have just had 17 weeks off work… and the : department of education want me to return to full time employment even : though I was fleeing from the school in a state of real panic. I do not : feel as thoough I am going to be able to work with the children : effectively…if any of you can understand this…my idea of self has been : eroded, my concept of my abilities has been sort of blanketed. I know that : I have the power to accept and reject what other people tell me but when it : is shoved in your face sometimes it is just too hard. : I hope that someone will reply : Barb Hi Barb, Welcome to ASAP. I think part of what you’re going through regards your personal identity being too wrapped up in your career; something I had to face once myself. You see, back in 1991, I was an ambitious spacecraft navigator. I loved my work, it was a childhood dream come true, and my career was more or less my identity. But then, in a day, I started having severe panic attacks. I didn’t know that the attacks were due to panic disorder at the time, but the attacks were chronic from day one. I managed to cling to my career for a year despite the attacks, but by 1992 my lack of productivity and reliability forced me to take a medical leave of absence from my career. Panic disorder was not at all well understood by doctors at the time, so I spent the next few years seeking a diagnosis for my attacks while being unemployable and living with family. In loosing my career I had lost my identity. I was a "has been" and current "nobody" and even felt like a non-person for a while. My situation felt even worse when people suggested that I find some way of living with the attacks, which struck me as a less than humane suggestion considering the agony I was suffering. I felt like a dropout of humanity, a failure as a human being, and became very depressed about it all. Well, after a while I realized that there was more to life than a so-called career. I reconstructed my identity based on the things I still liked to do, regardless of whether such things were career oriented or not. I discovered a new "me" whose identity was independant of awards, paychecks, and professional accomplishment. Granted, there are obvious practical drawbacks, like financial motivation, but I’d honestly prefer to be a happy person with financial problems than the opposite; and hopefully one day be a happy person with no financial problems, but for now happiness is my top priority. I’m not sure all this will make sense, but you sound like a very creative person who will understand what I mean. Let me know. Also, you might consider trying Xanax (alprazolam) in place of Valium. Xanax is generally the most effective benzodiazepine for panic attacks. Hope some of this helps. Feel free to post or e-mail us anytime. And, once again, welcome to ASAP. Best Wishes, Arthur
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – : : … I have just had 17 weeks off work… and the : department of education want me to return to full time employment even : though I was fleeing from the school in a state of real panic. I do not : feel as thoough I am going to be able to work with the children : effectively…if any of you can understand this…my idea of self has been : eroded, my concept of my abilities has been sort of blanketed. I know that : I have the power to accept and reject what other people tell me but when it : is shoved in your face sometimes it is just too hard. : I hope that someone will reply : Barb Hi Barb, Welcome to ASAP. I think part of what you’re going through regards your personal identity being too wrapped up in your career; something I had to face once myself. You see, back in 1991, I was an ambitious spacecraft navigator. I loved my work, it was a childhood dream come true, and my career was more or less my identity. But then, in a day, I started having severe panic attacks. I didn’t know that the attacks were due to panic disorder at the time, but the attacks were chronic from day one. I managed to cling to my career for a year despite the attacks, but by 1992 my lack of productivity and reliability forced me to take a medical leave of absence from my career. Panic disorder was not at all well understood by doctors at the time, so I spent the next few years seeking a diagnosis for my attacks while being unemployable and living with family. In loosing my career I had lost my identity. I was a "has been" and current "nobody" and even felt like a non-person for a while. My situation felt even worse when people suggested that I find some way of living with the attacks, which struck me as a less than humane suggestion considering the agony I was suffering. I felt like a dropout of humanity, a failure as a human being, and became very depressed about it all. Well, after a while I realized that there was more to life than a so-called career. I reconstructed my identity based on the things I still liked to do, regardless of whether such things were career oriented or not. I discovered a new "me" whose identity was independant of awards, paychecks, and professional accomplishment. Granted, there are obvious practical drawbacks, like financial motivation, but I’d honestly prefer to be a happy person with financial problems than the opposite; and hopefully one day be a happy person with no financial problems, but for now happiness is my top priority. I’m not sure all this will make sense, but you sound like a very creative person who will understand what I mean. Let me know. Also, you might consider trying Xanax (alprazolam) in place of Valium. Xanax is generally the most effective benzodiazepine for panic attacks. Hope some of this helps. Feel free to post or e-mail us anytime. And, once again, welcome to ASAP. Best Wishes, Arthur
Response:
So Clever! — Connie=^..^= : : I haven’t worked in quite sometime…does anyone have any suggestions on how : to explain this to a prospective employer? : : I’ve been sick? : Spending time "abroad"? : Abducted by aliens? : : Took some time off to care for an ill family member who didn’t have : anyone else to take care of them.
Response:
I haven’t worked in quite sometime…does anyone have any suggestions on how to explain this to a prospective employer? I’ve been sick? Spending time "abroad"? Abducted by aliens?
Response:
sabbatical. Homestudying. Creative projects. not as good as wombn’s suggestion, though. You could always be the sick familiy memebe yourself, right? come up with the lie you feel most comfortable saying, one that is somewhat close to your (emotional) truth. it’s the one that will be most convincing and easiest to maintain once you start your job. Janneke
Response:
I was going to tell them I had been busy writing a novel and just took a break from society, ended up I told them I took time to discover myself….luckily they didnt ask me to elaborate. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I haven’t worked in quite sometime…does anyone have any suggestions on how to explain this to a prospective employer? I’ve been sick? Spending time "abroad"? Abducted by aliens?
Response:
close to your (emotional) truth. it’s the one that will be most convincing and easiest to maintain once you start your job. That part is important.
who would have thought I would ever be giving people advice about how to lie??? janneke
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