Question:
Hi George, Welcome to ASAP Hope you gain as much from thesep people as i have. Thay are a wonderful bunch. Take care ChrisB Now running PowWow (I think)
Response:
Hi all. Since I’ll probably post here a bit and enjoy being in the company of others who KNOW what I’m talking about re. PD, I thought I’d introduce myself. Yep, another long and boring bio 
If I can comment real quick though, don’t we suffer enough without flaming each other here? I was hoping for a supportive ng, and don’t like stepping into the middle of a war. If this forum is to be constructive, you folks have to be strong enough to drop your differences no matter who’s at fault, or at least yell at your screen instead of airing your dirty laundry on the ng. That stuff only causes more anxiety, just knowing it is there. Can this be a haven, or must it be a vicious as the problems we seek to resolve; because I don’t have the energy to watch y’all try to kill each other with your otherwise creative fingers and understanding words. Thanx.
<words snipped to save space Hi George, Welcome to ASAP. Thanks for telling us your story. I hope you find the NG really helpful. — Gary Cooper
Response:
~~~snipped~~~ Thanks for listening! Blessings, George
Hello George! This may be a little late in the day but I’ve only just received your post. Wow, can you tell a true story! Not many people would have the courage to *confess all* like you have done and I take my hat off to you. I think that you’ll find that few here are judgmental and I, for one, would sooner have you as a friend than someone who won’t admit where they’ve gone wrong. Thanks very much for the honesty and insight, and I hope to speak to you soon. Best wishes _ ROB… "high mileage but reliable!"
Response:
Hi all. Since I’ll probably post here a bit and enjoy being in the company of others who KNOW what I’m talking about re. PD, I thought I’d introduce myself. Yep, another long and boring bio If I can comment real quick though, don’t we suffer enough without flaming each other here? I was hoping for a supportive ng, and don’t like stepping into the middle of a war. If this forum is to be constructive, you folks have to be strong enough to drop your differences no matter who’s at fault, or at least yell at your screen instead of airing your dirty laundry on the ng. That stuff only causes more anxiety, just knowing it is there. Can this be a haven, or must it be a vicious as the problems we seek to resolve; because I don’t have the energy to watch y’all try to kill each other with your otherwise creative fingers and understanding words. Thanx. Anyway, I’ll try to make this as brief as possible (coming from a pastor, this sentence is probably meaningless but I figure that any information may help track origins or contributors to this panic disorder, so here goes nothing. I was a very unusual child: smart as a whip, but socially weak. I could read the paper at 3 years old, but had no idea how to relate to my peers. They didn’t want to relate to me, so they picked on me instead through 8th grade. By 9th grade I got into drugs to fit in, and found it a great way to "get away" temporarily. I was also starting to carve on myself with a buck knife, wishing I could escape permanently but without the "courage." Had been depressed for some time already. It is one thing too take your daily mental beating (and sometimes physical) at school, but it doesn’t help when you get it worse from your father when you come home. Wet the bed until 16 yrs old. Was paralyzed by homesickness when away for more than a day or 2, which I don’t understand, since home was hostile. Started "playing doctor" with my sister when I was 7 and continued on and off through high school. To this day I don’t understand why that happened – it sounds so sickening, and I would donate body parts to erase that. Much later I talked to her about it, and she forgave me and said it was no big deal to her, but it still was to me. To this day, I have a sexual addiction, but thank God it stays directed at my wife. I’m different now. Anyway as I got older, things got worse. I got more suicidal and more depressed, and more into drugs. Dove headlong into new-age, as I thought "psychic ability would make me special and give me a reason to like myself. That didn’t work. I got an unfulfilling ego-trip for a few years before realizing that my mind was about shot. Panic attacks started (for sure) by ‘89, after driving 16 hours overnight and taking a bunch of caffeine to stay awake. I thought I was gonna die. As far as the PD goes, I got afraid of them, and you can figure the rest. Fortunately I’m functioning OK now, only miss a few days of work because of them, and eating 4mg of Klonopin/day to control them: but even with that going for 2 years, they still come from time to time, and lay me up for 3-5 days. I had my "for-real" suicide attempt in ‘91, and was found dead the morning after I OD’d on 300 CNS depressants. Miraculously, there is no brain, kidney, or any other physical damage; especially since the E.R. docs were telling my family to "say goodbye." I’ve since gave my life to Jesus (I couldn’t drive it worth spit anyway) and although I suffer this terrible PD, I can wake up glad to be alive instead of being disappointed I didn’t die in my sleep. Since my NDE (which I don’t remember) I went from borderline loon to a man who can use his sane head to accomplish things pretty well (except while in panic of course). I now drive a school bus, and after a few assistant and youth pastor positions, I am now planting a brand new church from scratch. Yeah, I’m quite afraid of failure, but I have to remember that if it does, I can always do something else. That is hard for me, as I am a terrible perfectionist, and had that reinforced since long ago when excellence to the nth degree was the norm. Well, that’s pretty much it. (You thought you didn’t believe in prayer but are now thanking God this is over if you made it this far <g) The only thing I’d like to add is that I don’t want stereotyped because of my faith of profession. I am very caring, but I am not judgemental or "holier than thou" in the least. Life has humbled me pretty well, and all I need to do is remember where I came from before I start getting negative on someone else. Also I will not use this ng to cram my faith down your throats. If you want to discuss things of a spiritual nature, I will be glad to via e-mail, but I don’t wish to offend anyone else. There is enough of that already, and I don’t want to be a stressor; just to support and be supported. Thanks for listening! Blessings, George
If you like this post and would like to receive updates from this blog, please subscribe our feed.